Silence, discarded, feeling down

[stupidgirl38]

I'm mad I let myself get into this situation. And I'm sad, mad, guilty, shameful, hurt, vengeful... name it I've probably felt it this week

Back story: met MM on a dating site. Chatted for awhile, met like 3 months after initial matching (due to schedules). MM is military & comes to town for reserves weekends. Did NOT know he was married until after we met, clicked, had an amazing time (like characteristics I'd be looking for in a partner type of amazing)... .. found out that next morning. Should have stopped it then - I did actually. But broke down and let myself respond to him several weeks later and he's very cunning, charming, etc. Hindsight... he also love bombs and makes you feel like the best thing on Earth. And I'm going through alot so it was nice to feel wanted. Poor decision. We've hung out past 2 months and talked in between. Saw him this past weekend, he messaged me the morning after returning home. And then nothing (we normally msg daily or every other). Radio silence. 

I found something out tonight that just solidified my thoughts that I was simply being used and likely won't see him again. I realize he's not mine. I realize I shouldn't see him again anyway. I realize I need to go NC and just move on. Intellectually I'm aware. Emotionally I got attached and I'm just feeling stupid, discarded, hurt, etc. 

No one knows...my friends don't know I got back involved after discovering he withheld he was married. So I feel very alone in dealing with this. 

I don't know what I'm even looking for being on here... but I had to get it out or find someone who might feel similar or who might know how I can just let it go from my mind. 

And yes I have a therapist. But there's a difference in processing it and having someone to talk to that has been there. Guess I'm looking for that. 

[glows]

The site doesn’t run like a chat room although there is a message function. You seem hurt and vulnerable so I wouldn’t take that route. You can’t vet anyone here and people post anonymously. Someone may claim they’ve been through similar but there’s no way to verify that. Just something to keep in mind if someone approaches you or messages you privately.

If you’re looking for some reflection and insight or food for thought there are plenty of OW threads to read through. Feel free to vent in your own thread here. I get the sense you feel lonely and isolated not being able to say how you feel openly among people around you. 

Try not to beat yourself up over things that have already happened. The situation isn’t going to change. You’re the one who has to move on and not keep stalling or giving yourself reasons to feel bad. Say goodbye and move forwards.

Edited February 17, 2023 by glows

[JTSW]

6 hours ago, stupidgirl38 said:

Saw him this past weekend, he messaged me the morning after returning home. And then nothing (we normally msg daily or every other). Radio silence. 

I'm guessing his wife became a little suspicious.

Block him everywhere so he can no longer contact you again.

He lied and used you for extra marital fun, took advantage of you. 

Keep telling yourself what a lying cheating a**h*** he is.

You have nothing to feel ashamed of. 

[Notagain123]

Having been involved with a mm for 4 years please take it from me… get out now. Don’t let him back in. Before you know it years have passed and you’ll be in the same position having wasted so much time and energy on someone who is selfish and will manipulate you. Just get out. It’s the best advice I can give you. It will hurt but time heals. Don’t let yourself get sucked back in. 

[Will am I]

18 hours ago, stupidgirl38 said:

friends don't know I got back involved after discovering he withheld he was married. So I feel very alone in dealing with this

This isolation is making you vulnerable. You will be stronger if you are able to confide in your friends, if only one or two of them.

There are guilt, a lack of self love and isolation. A triangle of three characteristics that can reinforce eachother. The same triangle is able to hold abuse victims tied in a horrible situation for years. I think the best thing you can do is to step over the obvious embarrassment and call your best friend.