I lost great girl after first date. I was too needy. I there still a chance to win her back?

[Maisteroo0007]

 Hi there! 

I want to share my situation with you and find out what I can do to win back the girl I lost. Let me start from the beginning. I live abroad, in Austria, but I'm originally from Poland. I've been here for 12 years, and there aren't many Polish people around, let alone Polish girls. About 4 months ago, I found a Polish girl named Paula on a Facebook group. She's 18 years old and lives about 20 kilometers away from me. I'm 22 years old. I decided to message her because she seemed nice and I was attracted to her both for her personality and her looks. We started messaging each other, and I explained to her that I messaged her because I don't know many Polish people here, and I'd like to get to know them. We got along really well and laughed a lot at my jokes. We messaged each other for about 2 weeks. I wanted to meet her after a week, but during that time, she was abroad, in Poland, on vacation. After she returned to Austria, she messaged me first, and I suggested that we meet up. She agreed without any problem, and I suggested that we meet at a pool hall, and I'd pick her up at 5 pm. On the day of our meeting, I drove to the address she gave me and waited in the parking lot. She arrived, and we greeted each other by shaking hands. The pool hall was a few kilometers away, so we talked and laughed on the way there. We had a great time playing pool, and I tried to flirt with her and touch her hand while showing her how to hold the pool stick. She took it well and even started flirting with me and asking if she was holding the stick correctly. We had a great time flirting and laughing, and we had a lot in common, so the conversation flowed naturally. After 3 games of pool, we were about to finish, and Paula suggested that we go for a walk somewhere. I said it was no problem, and we decided to walk to a nearby lake. I wanted to pay for the pool games, but Paula said she wanted to pay, so I suggested that she pay for the drinks, and I'd pay for the pool games, and that's what we did. 

During the drive, we joked and talked about various things, and then we went for a walk around the lake. I suggested we sit on a bench by the water where there were few people and it was already dark. As we sat there, we flirted, and after a few moments, I decided to kiss her, which I did. I tilted her hair back and pressed my lips to hers. It was a quick kiss on the lips. Later, we continued talking and looking at the water, and after about 20 minutes, I kissed her again, and she reciprocated. This kiss lasted about 20 seconds and was passionate. At the end, she said something like, "so fast?" and strangely turned her head as if she were embarrassed and looked in another direction for a while. I didn't say anything and as if nothing had happened, we continued talking about other things. Later, I said I would drive her home. In the car, we talked about topics such as how long she had been living in that place and when she planned to return to Poland. Finally, when I dropped her off at her home, she said it was nice and she hoped we would see each other again (it seemed like there was a spark between us). She asked me to message her when I got home. I replied that I had the same hope and drove away after she got out. When I got home, I messaged her that I had arrived, and she replied, "Great."

About three days after our date on Saturday, I messaged her, "What's up with you?" She replied that everything was good and that she was just going to a party with her friends. I replied, "Cool, have fun." A few days later, I messaged her again, asking what's up with her, and she told me that her parents have COVID-19. I asked how she was feeling and wished her and her parents a speedy recovery, and also suggested that we could meet up when she feels better. She replied that she would agree to a meeting when she is in a better state. I tried not to message her every day, but every few days, so as not to come across as desperate. I noticed that she never messages first. After a few days, I messaged her, asking how she was feeling, and she told me that she was feeling worse and that she also had COVID-19, just like her parents. I wrote to her jokingly that she might feel better if I hugged her or made her soup and sent it by pigeon. She laughed, and we talked a little more. Later, I didn't message her for a few days because I thought she would message me first, but that didn't happen. After a week, I messaged her, asking when she's free. She replied that she has a lot of work and doesn't know when she will have free time, but that she will let me know. However, she didn't read my message (it seems to me that it was intentional). After three days, I messaged her again, asking what's up with her, and she replied that she had just returned home because she had the day off. We talked a little and wished each other goodnight. A few days later, I messaged her again, asking when she will have time to meet up. I suggested that we could go out to eat at a restaurant and asked what kind of food she likes. We talked and laughed a bit. That same day, after work, I messaged her, asking about her work schedule, and she replied that she was working every afternoon. I told her that maybe we could meet before her work, around 11 am, and go out for lunch. She replied, "Sure, I'd love to, but I'm not sure if I can wake up tomorrow morning because I'll be returning from work at 2:00 (at night). I'll let you know tonight." I replied that it's not a problem. The next day, I expected her response and I was not wrong - she replied that she probably can't wake up because she just got back home (she was up until 2:30 am).

I was expecting this kind of response from her, so I replied, "Okay, Paula, if you're not sure if you can wake up in the morning, it's better if we don't meet. I'm not in a rush." She didn't display the message, but she definitely read it because she briefly appeared online on the chat and then went offline again.

Two months later, on New Year's Day, 01.01.2023, I wrote to her to wish her all the best. She replied, "Thank you, same to you," and added three hearts at the end.

Next month, in February (6th February 2023), there was a Polonia party in my region which I attended. Paula wasn't there, but her mother was. I was sitting next to the terrace exit, and since Paula's mother was smoking, she struck up a conversation with me. Paula's mother didn't know anything about me or that I had previously met Paula. She talked a bit about herself, how long she had been living in Austria, and that she had a daughter. I told her that I knew her daughter, but didn't go into details. Later, she told me that I was a cool guy and that she had never seen me here before. We talked a bit (I think I came across very well).

The next day, I messaged Paula to tell her that I had met her mother. She replied that she had just heard about it from her mom. We chatted a bit and laughed. It seemed like the conversation was going well, as she laughed at my jokes and we had a good time chatting. She said that she regretted not being able to come to the party, as she would have liked to dance. We chatted for about half an hour more, and then said goodbye as I noticed she was starting to respond later. I didn't bring up the topic from four months ago.

It's been a week and three days since that conversation. I realized that I ruined the relationship by being too persistent and not giving her space. I know my mistakes and wouldn't make them again, but I don't know if it's too late to fix the relationship.

I would appreciate your help. Could you read what I wrote and give me your opinion if there is still a chance to somehow fix this relationship?

Best regards

[NuevoYorko]

 

If you only had one date, you didn't "have" her.  So you really didn't "lose" her.  I agree that you were too needy and intense.  She didn't like that.    Now she knows that about you and probably has made a decision.  I doubt she will reconsider because she's learned from experience.  

I hope you also have learned from this experience.

[glows]

She doesn’t seem interested and I don’t think you did anything very wrong. By her standards you might have rushed with the kiss on the first date but that’s difficult to say for sure as she’s not even giving it another chance on a second. 

When you asked her what’s up a few times it seems abrupt. Did you ever share about what’s going on in your life or tell her about anything happening with you? If not try smoothing out conversations like that and sharing a bit more about yourself.

[JTSW]

On 2/17/2023 at 1:48 PM, Maisteroo0007 said:

if there is still a chance to somehow fix this relationship?

You never had a relationship.

You had one date and were never official.

She is definitely not romantically interested in you.

If she was, she would have gone on more dates with you by now, but she hasn't.

You just need to accept that you will never have anything other than friendship (only id that's what she wants)