MountainGoat Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 I know this guy from college with whom I have always felt a connection. After college I pretty much forgot this guy until I thought about him during a difficult time in my life. I mistook this feeling as love. When I happened to meet the guy he understood that I love him. He said 'no' and we continued being friends since I valued his friendship. Over the years I still have feelings for this guy which he also knows but he talks about his love interests to me all the time. If I try to move away and cut him off he says we have a connection. If I tell him how I feel he will dismiss my feelings. And later insist that we have connection and we can talk at least once or twice a year.... Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated.... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 You both want different things and he doesn’t feel the same way. Are you both sexually intimate or were you ever together romantically? Is this stopping you from moving on and having fulfilling relationships with other people? I would assume most aren’t able to do that or can’t have feelings for someone and carry on or pursue others. Some can and go on to have loving and meaningful long term relationships. You’ll just have to think about what this person brings to your life and whether it’s appropriate at this time to continue chatting with him or if he has any place in your life at all. What makes you happy? Why stay stuck in one place if you’re stuck or feeling frustrated? Let him go and block/delete him if he can’t respect your wishes. If it’s gotten to that point where he’s selfish enough to see you struggle and not care he’s no friend at all to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 My suggestion is to stop trying to be his friend or you will never get over him. He wants you around as an ego boost and someone to vent to about his other love interests. Let him go so you can meet a guy who actually wants to date you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 You need to stop trying to be friends or anything else. It would also help if you fully acknowledge that your feeling of "love" came from your imagination. You wrote: 9 hours ago, MountainGoat said: After college I pretty much forgot this guy until I thought about him during a difficult time in my life. I mistook this feeling as love. So you do know that it's not really love. It doesn't matter if he tells you that you have a connection; it means nothing, especially since he's suggesting you talk once or twice a year. You need to move on. You can do this. Block his numbers, hold yourself to the bar of no contact, and try to spend more time and mental energy on people who are really your friends or active in your daily life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 10 hours ago, MountainGoat said: If I tell him how I feel he will dismiss my feelings. And later insist that we have connection and we can talk at least once or twice a year.... You don't have much of a connection if you talk that rarely. I'm sorry OP, but this is not a person worth keeping in your life. Don't bother telling him your feelings again. It's clear he doesn't feel the way you do and it's time you let him go completely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kassieee Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 You do what's best for you, always!! If that means cutting him off completely to get over him, do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 (edited) On 2/19/2023 at 8:07 PM, glows said: You both want different things and he doesn’t feel the same way. Are you both sexually intimate or were you ever together romantically? Is this stopping you from moving on and having fulfilling relationships with other people? I would assume most aren’t able to do that or can’t have feelings for someone and carry on or pursue others. Some can and go on to have loving and meaningful long term relationships. You’ll just have to think about what this person brings to your life and whether it’s appropriate at this time to continue chatting with him or if he has any place in your life at all. What makes you happy? Why stay stuck in one place if you’re stuck or feeling frustrated? Let him go and block/delete him if he can’t respect your wishes. If it’s gotten to that point where he’s selfish enough to see you struggle and not care he’s no friend at all to begin with. yes we both want different things and he definitely does not feel what I feel. We weren't sexually intimate or romantically involved. We haven't even dated. It is just me who thinks that he cares about me and likes me. Thank you for your timely reply. I have been stuck in one place for a long time now and I am going to move on..... Edited February 20, 2023 by MountainGoat Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 2 minutes ago, MountainGoat said: yes we both want different things and he definitely does not feel what I feel. We weren't sexually intimate or romantically involved. We haven't even dated. It is just me who thinks that he cares about me and likes me. Thank you for your timely reply. I have been stuck in one place for a long time now and I am going to move on..... If that’s the case, then yes, just stop replying or block him. Why hassle yourself listening to his nonsense about a “connection”? It doesn’t sound like there’s much respect mutually or he’s immature and wants to keep you around as an ego stroke. He also stops by so infrequently it makes no sense that there’s any connection. Note some individuals are charmers or able to turn on instant charm, making others feel special when they’re talking to them. If it’s not backed by any real friendship and this guy knows nothing about you in real life, he’s all words only. You have to see through that transparency and in one ear/out the other. It’s meaningless, what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 24, 2023 Author Share Posted February 24, 2023 On 2/20/2023 at 8:47 PM, glows said: If that’s the case, then yes, just stop replying or block him. Why hassle yourself listening to his nonsense about a “connection”? It doesn’t sound like there’s much respect mutually or he’s immature and wants to keep you around as an ego stroke. He also stops by so infrequently it makes no sense that there’s any connection. Note some individuals are charmers or able to turn on instant charm, making others feel special when they’re talking to them. If it’s not backed by any real friendship and this guy knows nothing about you in real life, he’s all words only. You have to see through that transparency and in one ear/out the other. It’s meaningless, what he says. yes that is what I did - severed all contacts. It is just meaningless words - what the guy says and I have fooled myself believed that he really cared about me. Thanks a lot for the reply glows. Now I feel much more confident and moving towards my goals.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 24, 2023 Share Posted February 24, 2023 In the future, I suggest you refrain from engaging in any "online" connection that isn't playing out in real life to any notable extent. It causes a lot of problems for many people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 25, 2023 Share Posted February 25, 2023 Sounds like he is friendzoning you and/or deliberately keeping you in the orbiter role. Suggest you move on, otherwise you can waste months or even years on something that isn't going to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 2/19/2023 at 8:53 PM, stillafool said: My suggestion is to stop trying to be his friend or you will never get over him. He wants you around as an ego boost and someone to vent to about his other love interests. Let him go so you can meet a guy who actually wants to date you. Thank you for the sound advice stillafool....... I am glad I took the advice. Now I feel more relaxed Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 2/19/2023 at 10:42 PM, NuevoYorko said: You need to stop trying to be friends or anything else. It would also help if you fully acknowledge that your feeling of "love" came from your imagination. You wrote: So you do know that it's not really love. It doesn't matter if he tells you that you have a connection; it means nothing, especially since he's suggesting you talk once or twice a year. You need to move on. You can do this. Block his numbers, hold yourself to the bar of no contact, and try to spend more time and mental energy on people who are really your friends or active in your daily life. Thanks for the reply Nuevo Yorko. You were spot on about how the feeling of "love" came from my imagination. I imagined myself to be in love.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 2/19/2023 at 11:17 PM, ExpatInItaly said: You don't have much of a connection if you talk that rarely. I'm sorry OP, but this is not a person worth keeping in your life. Don't bother telling him your feelings again. It's clear he doesn't feel the way you do and it's time you let him go completely. Very true words Expatinitaly... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 2/24/2023 at 10:55 PM, NuevoYorko said: In the future, I suggest you refrain from engaging in any "online" connection that isn't playing out in real life to any notable extent. It causes a lot of problems for many people. Yes I need to be extra careful about things which dont play out in real life.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGoat Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 2/25/2023 at 6:40 AM, mark clemson said: Sounds like he is friendzoning you and/or deliberately keeping you in the orbiter role. Suggest you move on, otherwise you can waste months or even years on something that isn't going to happen. Thanks a lot for the suggestion mark... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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