My break up message to her

[Henry_shalom]

I have had an ample time to think about us, and i've come to the realisation that this is not going to work out between us anymore. I want it to work and i have tried to rationalise ways for us to work, but it's just too much drama. Everything is just a fight waiting to happen.

We're not compatible enough. I'm an emotional person and clearly you're not. And moreover you're not that into me to even start with. I need someone that can match my emotional energy, and someone that i can match hers as well. You've consistently hurt me badly this past week that my fragile heart can't take anymore. And although it is compelling me to hang on; to push on, but i can't continue to think with my heart anymore. I've run out of patience and so i have to use my head now.

I've floated this idea in my head that when i get things right, which i hope will be soon, i will make the moves to settle down with you. But in hindsight, i think you'll drive me CRAZY if we end up married.

I'm madly in love with you, and i don't think i've loved any lady the way i do you. And it hurts me badly to say this: i'm going to have to let you go now. You're good people, but we're NOT good for each other. We can still talk as friends, but that's up to you. Either way i'm good.

Edited February 19, 2023 by Henry_shalom

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Henry_shalom said:

I have had an ample time to think about us, and i've come to the realisation that this is not going to work out between us anymore.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? What are the incompatibilities about?

If you've decided you are incompatible and wish to end the relationship, you can keep it simple and use the "it's me, not you" approach. 

This way there's no argument or negotiation. If you list complaints, she could argue, deny things or make promises and so on. So it could be messier that way. Offering to stay friends also complicates matters.

Edited February 19, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Kassieee]

You know her best.

If you think this approach is best then 👍 👌 

[ExpatInItaly]

If you're looking for another fight, then go ahead and send that message. 

If you're looking for a clean break so you can genuinely move on, cut all the emotional rambling, explanations and accusations. Simply say that you recognize this isn't working anymore and it's best to part ways. Full stop. 

[Henry_shalom]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? What are the incompatibilities about?

If you've decided you are incompatible and wish to end the relationship, you can keep it simple and use the "it's me, not you" approach. 

This way there's no argument or negotiation. If you list complaints, she could argue or make promises and so on. So it could be messier that way. 

We started dating recently 

 

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? What are the incompatibilities about?

If you've decided you are incompatible and wish to end the relationship, you can keep it simple and use the "it's me, not you" approach. 

This way there's no argument or negotiation. If you list complaints, she could argue or make promises and so on. So it could be messier that way. 

I started dating her recently, but before that we've been friends. I turned 30 this past Monday and i had plans to spend the evening with her that day away from my friends. But she cancelled on me last minute. The next day being valentines day, i didn't call her or text her, because i was sick. But that in itself is not an excuse. I was conflicted with where i stand with her. She lamented about it the next day, and so i decided to bring up how dejected i felt that she didn't show up for me on Monday, and she dismissed my feelings like it was nothing. That wasn't the first time she's labeled my feelings irrelevant.

I was supposed to meet her on Thursday morning, to pick up something from her, but i lost track of time, because i was pulled into a meeting with my bosses at the last minute. She waited for me and took offence over it. She made an argument that i was trying to get back at her, which i wasn't. I apologised for it, and told that it wasn't deliberate; that i would never do something intentional to hurt her. And moreover she has pulled stunts like this before and i let it slide.

After the meeting i called her 13 times and texted her a couple of times, but she ditched all me. She's a saleswoman. So that evening i drove around her sales territory to track her down and so we can talk, but i didn't find her. She finally texted me back that evening yelling at me in CAPS asking me what i wanted. I told her i want us to talk and she yelled back again in CAPS asking what for. Later that night i called her out on her recent behaviour, and the fact that she's treated me badly this past week, but she again brushed off my feelings and concerns like they mean nothing. She told me that when i'm done lamenting i should let her know. 

Yesterday morning, we had another brief exchange and she responded nastily to me like i'm some teenager. I called her 4 times so she could help me out with something important, but she ditched my calls and proceeded to text me on WhatsApp and saying this to me in quote, "Text me here. That's why we have these platforms.. or send an audio message." So i can't call my girlfriend over the phone anymore for something important. So i blocked her mobile. 

 

There are other things i probably can't get into, because it's a lot. I conditioned myself to look past some of these red flags, because of how i felt about her. I loved her deeply and so i ignored a lot of things. I'm not going to sit back and pride myself as the perfect guy, because i'm not. I'm deeply flawed as they come. I have a lot of shortcomings, and i've done some bad things as well. But i own up to it.

I don't want to invest a lot of energy into something when i'm not even sure there's a thing.

[glows]

What was the reason she cancelled on your birthday? 

It sounds like a lot of resentment and distrust. You’re starting with accusations in a conversation though. “You [she] treats me badly… You’ve consistently hurt me badly…” When opening up an already volatile situation in future don’t start with sentences like these. It does show just how angry and fed up you are which does make the other person want to avoid you. People aren’t going to stand around hearing this for long if they’re consistently being accused as opposed to sharing what each other think or feel.

Of course in some cases it’s so far gone and irreconcilable that no choice words help. It does sound like you’ve both reached that point. She’s showing you she’s not interested in hearing what you have to say and possibly what you are saying is deeply hurtful as well or doesn’t take her feelings into account. Just speaking outloud here as an outsider. 

I would not send that letter. Vent here in this thread and tell us how you feel or what she did or said or write it and then toss it. If it’s over be resolute in your decision. Have you both broken up before? 

[basil67]

I agree that it's good to get your feelings out, but I do hope you didn't send it.  

[Johnjohnson2017]

16 hours ago, Henry_shalom said:

We started dating recently 

 

I started dating her recently, but before that we've been friends. I turned 30 this past Monday and i had plans to spend the evening with her that day away from my friends. But she cancelled on me last minute. The next day being valentines day, i didn't call her or text her, because i was sick. But that in itself is not an excuse. I was conflicted with where i stand with her. She lamented about it the next day, and so i decided to bring up how dejected i felt that she didn't show up for me on Monday, and she dismissed my feelings like it was nothing. That wasn't the first time she's labeled my feelings irrelevant.

I was supposed to meet her on Thursday morning, to pick up something from her, but i lost track of time, because i was pulled into a meeting with my bosses at the last minute. She waited for me and took offence over it. She made an argument that i was trying to get back at her, which i wasn't. I apologised for it, and told that it wasn't deliberate; that i would never do something intentional to hurt her. And moreover she has pulled stunts like this before and i let it slide.

After the meeting i called her 13 times and texted her a couple of times, but she ditched all me. She's a saleswoman. So that evening i drove around her sales territory to track her down and so we can talk, but i didn't find her. She finally texted me back that evening yelling at me in CAPS asking me what i wanted. I told her i want us to talk and she yelled back again in CAPS asking what for. Later that night i called her out on her recent behaviour, and the fact that she's treated me badly this past week, but she again brushed off my feelings and concerns like they mean nothing. She told me that when i'm done lamenting i should let her know. 

Yesterday morning, we had another brief exchange and she responded nastily to me like i'm some teenager. I called her 4 times so she could help me out with something important, but she ditched my calls and proceeded to text me on WhatsApp and saying this to me in quote, "Text me here. That's why we have these platforms.. or send an audio message." So i can't call my girlfriend over the phone anymore for something important. So i blocked her mobile. 

 

There are other things i probably can't get into, because it's a lot. I conditioned myself to look past some of these red flags, because of how i felt about her. I loved her deeply and so i ignored a lot of things. I'm not going to sit back and pride myself as the perfect guy, because i'm not. I'm deeply flawed as they come. I have a lot of shortcomings, and i've done some bad things as well. But i own up to it.

I don't want to invest a lot of energy into something when i'm not even sure there's a thing.

It looks like she's ready to break up with you   

[JTSW]

Don't send that message, Its way too much.

Sounds like she doesn't deserve those words.

All you need is "I think we should go out separate ways, I wish you all the best"

Then block her everywhere.

The message you penned honestly sounds pathetic (no offence)

[Mrin]

On 2/20/2023 at 2:59 AM, JTSW said:

Don't send that message, Its way too much.

Sounds like she doesn't deserve those words.

All you need is "I think we should go out separate ways, I wish you all the best"

Then block her everywhere.

The message you penned honestly sounds pathetic (no offence)

This. 100%. All of it.