glows Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 10 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: His first message Hey , I really really hope things are going well for you, you deserve the world and more. I'm I'm so sorry we didn't work out, you might think the worst of me, but I think of you every single day, we were just too different. I wish you gave me the chance to explain. But what I did I did because I genuinely wanted what's best for you. And you deserve better xx the second You probably hate me, I understand, I'd hate me too for what I did to you. But I do think we should talk, you're an amazing girl there was just things between us that, for me, made me know we weren't good. And for 3 months it's been killing me to leave things like I did. I'd like to talk to you, and if you want to talk, I'm here. If you don't, I'll understand. We're not getting back together, but you deserve closure, we both do. I’m sorry this is going on. If I read this I’d think the person is drunk or high. It’s grotesquely presumptuous and sounds ridiculous. It’s no wonder you’re confused. Why on earth would he presume to know what you deserve and why on earth would you care what what’s killing him? He cheated on you. He’ll have to pick himself up and stop making it sound like he’s doing you a favour, presuming you’re the one who needs anything from him. Has he always talked like this to you or treated you like this? It would make my skin crawl. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 10 minutes ago, glows said: I’m sorry this is going on. If I read this I’d think the person is drunk or high. It’s grotesquely presumptuous and sounds ridiculous. It’s no wonder you’re confused. Why on earth would he presume to know what you deserve and why on earth would you care what what’s killing him? He cheated on you. He’ll have to pick himself up and stop making it sound like he’s doing you a favour, presuming you’re the one who needs anything from him. Has he always talked like this to you or treated you like this? It would make my skin crawl. I’m going to guess drunk, or at least a few drinks in. It was his birthday so I’m going to guess he was out celebrating it. I haven’t spoken to him in months. So i don’t like how as you said he’s presuming he’s doing me a favour. I never asked for a closure talk. I don’t like how he said he still thinks of me everyday I get the vibe he was trying to build up false home and I’m also like you know where I live, my email address, where I work my friends etc if you really felt bad you would’ve made an effort to reach out. He wrote me a long letter after we broke up and listed everything so I took that as my closure. im not sure if he’s using the idea of closure as an opening to try get his foot back in the door to to check my feelings towards him and that’s why he mentioned he thinks I hate him twice in both messages Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 11 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: If you don't, I'll understand. We're not getting back together, but you deserve closure, we both do. Perhaps he's having a dry spell. Whatever the case, protect yourself from someone like this. He's toying with your emotions. Consider deleting the blocking him so you're not allowing this type of turmoil in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 7 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I’m going to guess drunk, or at least a few drinks in. It was his birthday so I’m going to guess he was out celebrating it. I haven’t spoken to him in months. So i don’t like how as you said he’s presuming he’s doing me a favour. I never asked for a closure talk. I don’t like how he said he still thinks of me everyday I get the vibe he was trying to build up false home and I’m also like you know where I live, my email address, where I work my friends etc if you really felt bad you would’ve made an effort to reach out. He wrote me a long letter after we broke up and listed everything so I took that as my closure. im not sure if he’s using the idea of closure as an opening to try get his foot back in the door to to check my feelings towards him and that’s why he mentioned he thinks I hate him twice in both messages When someone offers a sh*t sandwich like this you send it back. It’s okay to block this guy. If for some reason it’s not what you like doing then that’s fine. Mute all messages and maybe check in 2050. Or never. The point is he’s not been straight with you before and again you can’t gauge his sincerity or even his sobriety. Don’t let this put a damper on your weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 If this is the guy who cheated on you, he probably had a fight with his new girlfriend and thought he would see if you're still around to give him attention. Please don't respond to men like this. His intentions sound anything but sincere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 10 minutes ago, glows said: When someone offers a sh*t sandwich like this you send it back. It’s okay to block this guy. If for some reason it’s not what you like doing then that’s fine. Mute all messages and maybe check in 2050. Or never. The point is he’s not been straight with you before and again you can’t gauge his sincerity or even his sobriety. Don’t let this put a damper on your weekend. Thank you for for saying that I thought it was a shi*t sandwich too but thought I was over analysing it to make it out to be one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 Please don’t meet him Op. No good will come from it. I promise you. He wants to meet you because he is a very selfish man. He is not thinking of you at all. He wants to meet you to rid himself of his demons. To make himself feel better… No. He made his choice. He chose to cheat and devalue you and the relationship. Let him “sit” with his guilt and remorse. He needs this learning in his life and it is not your job to fix it. Karma is a b**** at the end of the day but usually well deserved. You’ve got your closure. You’ve moved on. If he hasn’t or can’t that’s not your problem. Enjoy your life and move on Op. Don’t give this guy another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: If this is the guy who cheated on you, he probably had a fight with his new girlfriend and thought he would see if you're still around to give him attention. Please don't respond to men like this. His intentions sound anything but sincere. I think so, and he began watching my social media too a few weeks ago, the account he messaged me off I didn’t follow but I noticed the name show up my story views but it was private so I couldn’t see who’s account it was until he messaged and I realised it was his. so he began watching my socials and then sent that message about closure. I feel like he’s trying to toy with me. plus the night he sent me that message o noticed his friend was watching my stories something even when we where together they never did. I don’t follow them and they don’t follow me. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 11 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Thank you for for saying that I thought it was a shi*t sandwich too but thought I was over analysing it to make it out to be one. No… it really is one. No need to overanalyze either. Giant neon sign with the label on it. You’re okay. And as others have mentioned, it’s good to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 The best response you can give this guy is no response at all. Leave him on 'Read' for the rest of his life, it'll eat him up. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 13 hours ago, Alvi said: Sounds like he was looking for a booty call to be totally honest. This is exactly what I thought. Don't waste your time OP. He's just playing games with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 4 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I feel like he’s trying to toy with me I agree. He didn't respect you enough to remain faithful before ending the relationship. And he's disrespecting you now, too. Block him and his friends. There is no sense continuing to communicate with someone who mistreated you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 4 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: .I feel like he’s trying to toy with me. Trust your instincts. He seems to be a player so protect your heart and soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 6 hours ago, La.Primavera said: It's an odd request to make after so many months and extremely presumptuous of him to imagine you are struggling to cope and unable to move on or see your own value after the breakup. The fact he would even say "we aren't getting back together", was again very presumptuous to think you we even give him another chance. His language and tone is incredibly arrogant. After hearing that he was unfaithful, I'm not really that surprised he is doing this. It starts to make more sense how ego driven this guy is in his behavior. Yet, the fact that he pulled the offer to meet so quickly when he didn't get an immediate response wreaks of deep insecurity. An insecure and ego driven individual is always going to be looking for external validation. If he isn't getting it, he will go looking for it, and he will be quite skilled at knowing exactly where to get it. He did this while you were dating with other women, and he is trying to do it again. It sounds like a compulsive need in him. Even if you were being generous regarding his motives and said maybe he really is offering you this out of kindness, then why would he be doing this after so long? Are your social media posts full of heartbreak and bitterness or have you been saying thing to mutual friends that might give him reason to be concerned? If not, he should have no reason to believe you are sitting by your phone pinning for his call or crying in your pillow every night. That leaves you with the only other explanation, he is doing this for himself. Maybe to get laid or perhaps worse still, to get a rush from seeing you hurt and missing him. He gets the rush of validation that he is still desired, and he gets to be the "good guy" for offering you comfort and "closure". It seems so twisted and gross, but I'm basing this off his own behavior and words. I would not respond to him at all and block this new account too. I understand that this may have brought up some feelings for you but take some comfort that you are free from someone who sounds very toxic. Take care and keep looking forward! These were my exact sentiments. OP, do yourself a favor and block this guy. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulOfOne Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 (edited) I think you are right OP. Seeing him again WOULD PROBABLY set you back into the grieving loss of the relationship. If he was clear in his msg that he wasn't interested in getting back together only that HE felt bad about YOU not letting him explain properly, that's a HIM issue. HIS CLOSURE, not yours. I agree w LaPrimavera, he's looking for a rush. He would get off on seeing you still pine for him (if that were the case he was hoping for). I'd not give him the satisfaction. The best revenge is a life well lived. 😌 Edited February 20, 2023 by SoulOfOne Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 If it were me, I would tell him that he made his bed now go lie in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 4 hours ago, Acacia98 said: These were my exact sentiments. OP, do yourself a favor and block this guy. Nope no sentimental or sad posts, just me out travelling with friends, working out and so on. I join a gym changed the colour of my hair and got a new wardrobe. I didn’t post anything say. when we where in the process of breaking up I asked him could I w meet and see if we could sort things out but he didn’t want too but that’s the last time I ever asked to meet or showed any interest in being with him. I don’t plan on meeting him so that’ll be my revenge let that hurt his ego and show him he can’t click his fingers and expect me to come running but I still don’t understand why now, why wait 3 months Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If it were me, I would tell him that he made his bed now go lie in it. I should, he broke up with me over text and wouldn’t meet me to discuss anything. He didn’t have the decency to that for me I’m not a grudge holder but I forgot for a moment that how we broke up and when I asked to talk and see if we could possibly sort it out he wouldn’t Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 Why don't you block him to show him you've moved on and don't want to hear from him again? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 Usually if someone wants to get back together, they will say up front, "I really miss you, and I want to see you." The dumper has to announce the desire to resume things because otherwise, the dumpee has no idea what's going on--as is the case right now with you. The fact that he hasn't been direct--that itself can be a red flag. And OP, don't forget. First criteria you want in a partner is that they want like hell to be with you. You want to be with them of course. But we need partners who REALLY want to be with us--or the relationship won't work, no matter how in love we are with them. Without that mutual regard--not just you're a good person--but the "I am so lucky to be with you" feeling, the relationship becomes unequal. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 3 hours ago, SoulOfOne said: I think you are right OP. Seeing him again WOULD PROBABLY set you back into the grieving loss of the relationship. If he was clear in his msg that he wasn't interested in getting back together only that HE felt bad about YOU not letting him explain properly, that's a HIM issue. HIS CLOSURE, not yours. I agree w LaPrimavera, he's looking for a rush. He would get off on seeing you still pine for him (if that were the case he was hoping for). I'd not give him the satisfaction. The best revenge is a life well lived. 😌 I don’t think I’ll meet him but he did say we aren’t getting back together. So I get a sense the meet would just be him listing everything he didn’t like Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 2 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I don’t think I’ll meet him but he did say we aren’t getting back together. So I get a sense the meet would just be him listing everything he didn’t like Do you want to get back together? Link to post Share on other sites
Kassieee Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I don’t think I’ll meet him but he did say we aren’t getting back together. So I get a sense the meet would just be him listing everything he didn’t like He cheated on you, he's no prize.... You are. let him feel the loss. You take the W he takes the L! Yay. If you ARE wanting the to get back together, I think it's so important that he knows how it feels to not have you in his life in any form, without communication. Edited February 20, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Do you want to get back together? I miss, I miss the sense of security he gave me. Not financially but just how watching tv together etc he made me feel safe or when we cuddled in bed. I don’t live in a bad area he just made me feel safe. I miss those, I miss him to point. But I don’t long for him. But I’m also now seeing a side of him I don’t ever remember seeing before. I was told by my mom people’s true colours always show at the end. I don’t know if I do want to get back together but I’d rather he said listen I’m not sure what I want but I’d love to meet you to talk and maybe come to an understanding of what didn’t work and see if we could make it work instead of saying I need closure and hitting all the buzz words in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Lifegoeson12 said: . I miss those, I miss him to point. Try to reframe this as you miss being in a relationship rather than missing him per se. That will help you move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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