Just went on first proper date since breakup. it didn't go well!

[justwhoiam]

Ok, where to start from.

1. If you ever decide to reply to this post, don't say 'thank you', because I had an overdose of that. I know it's the way to go, but enough is enough.

2. If you want to balance dating and work, pick 1 or 2 days when you decide not to work (Saturday and Sunday? Sundays? Mondays?) and use those days to meet up women. Whatever woman you'll end up with will need to fit into your schedule anyway.

3. I don't think you need shorter dates, I think you need better screening. If you keep letting everyone in, be prepared to waste time, because you seem not to screen before meeting up anyone. Of course, if you decide to be more selective, you'll go out on less dates. You'll have less opportunities. But you'll save time and money. You can't have 100% of everything. So there's your balance.

4. You feel you get too invested whenever you go out on a date. The good thing is that spring is coming. You could meet up a woman at the park just for ice cream. Not a big deal, and you could take your dog too. So you could also see if she loves dogs and how the two get along. That's a win-win situation. You take out the dog and have a date, at the same time!

5. What does your OLD profile say? What kind of pictures did you upload and how many?

6. When you mentioned a woman being into you but warning you she put on some weight, you sounded quite shallow. I mean, maybe you're really giving too much credit to the wrong people, and the genuine ones are ruled out. Sad. Which means I'd steer clear from someone like you.

7. You think that you are not sharing (certain) info with women, but they take their cues, even when you're not speaking.

[Lamron300]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

Great to hear you're having another crack at it!

Unfortunately, the reason you're stressing out is because you're wanting something which isn't possible.  At this point, it's more about hoping for the best but also being realistic that you're meeting an absolute stranger and the odds of finding a mutual connection aren't terribly high.  

Hi,

Yes, I am a bit all over the place at the moment. I just completed writing a report and the quality of my work has gone to pieces. I really think I need to take a break from work when I've cleared my upcoming commitments. 

In terms of dates, I feel awkward asking online what people are looking for online. I am usually very relaxed and have a mindset of lets just see how it goes. But now I can see nice good conversations don't equal mutual connection. Right now in my mindset anything but a 'success' is catastrophic. As you said, you're just meeting strangers. There are so many variables and things that can happen. Saturday is a long time away, I don't want to speak too much or too little. Basically what I am saying is I need to have enthusiasm going into dates as the last one wasn't great. 

[Lamron300]

12 hours ago, justwhoiam said:

Ok, where to start from.

1. If you ever decide to reply to this post, don't say 'thank you', because I had an overdose of that. I know it's the way to go, but enough is enough.

2. If you want to balance dating and work, pick 1 or 2 days when you decide not to work (Saturday and Sunday? Sundays? Mondays?) and use those days to meet up women. Whatever woman you'll end up with will need to fit into your schedule anyway.

3. I don't think you need shorter dates, I think you need better screening. If you keep letting everyone in, be prepared to waste time, because you seem not to screen before meeting up anyone. Of course, if you decide to be more selective, you'll go out on less dates. You'll have less opportunities. But you'll save time and money. You can't have 100% of everything. So there's your balance.

4. You feel you get too invested whenever you go out on a date. The good thing is that spring is coming. You could meet up a woman at the park just for ice cream. Not a big deal, and you could take your dog too. So you could also see if she loves dogs and how the two get along. That's a win-win situation. You take out the dog and have a date, at the same time!

5. What does your OLD profile say? What kind of pictures did you upload and how many?

6. When you mentioned a woman being into you but warning you she put on some weight, you sounded quite shallow. I mean, maybe you're really giving too much credit to the wrong people, and the genuine ones are ruled out. Sad. Which means I'd steer clear from someone like you.

7. You think that you are not sharing (certain) info with women, but they take their cues, even when you're not speaking.

Very good advice.

I have to clarify myself with point 6. Her putting on weight isn't the issue, the issue is she wants to use me to boost her morale and never meet up. We have been talking for 3 weeks and only I have tried to meet. She seems content just messaging. Unfortunately, this happens a lot on OLD. She is also career obsessed and I own two businesses so I know about being busy but she takes it further than me. I am doing what you said in point 3, so not sure why that makes me shallow?

Weekends for me as you said are better for dating, I will try allocate these days. The 'date' I have arranged for this week is on Saturday evening. The reason I say 'date' is I am thinking to myself what actually is a date. From TV programmes in the 90s it used to seem such a big deal to go on a date. I have had good interactions and we have things in common but I can't gauge the level of attraction. Hasn't been too much flirting.

In regards to the dog, he was born in 2020 so I hadn't dated much since I have had him since I was with my ex-partner most of that time. It is a good ice breaker as people love dogs, but I don't want it to be a distraction. As above, there is a difference between having a mutual interest and attraction.

My OLD profile is very laidback with jokes about me owning goats (which gets a lot of people to start convo) etc. My photos are related to the prompts on the specific app... so one prompt says I hope you're a dog person because...then theres a video of me and my dog.

In terms of point 7, this confuses me. What do you mean by cues? 

 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

. We have been talking for 3 weeks and only I have tried to meet. 

Since time management is important considering your work and schedule, one way to avoid online dating burnout is to streamline things. For example cut your losses if someone won't meet in a timely manner. Make the first meet brief and simple.

[ZA Dater]

[ ] 

OP you need to be quite careful with your own pictures because I think that apps tend to filter some pictures so poor pictures may lead to you not being shown to everyone.

When your schedule is busy you need to ask yourself if you have the time to date, say you find someone to date, how would your schedule be adapted to make time for that person, maybe your schedule is a better for short term versus long term.

What may make things easier to decide which attributes are non negotiable and start searching from there.

 

Edited February 27, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
doesn't address OP

[Lamron300]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Since time management is important considering your work and schedule, one way to avoid online dating burnout is to streamline things. For example cut your losses if someone won't meet in a timely manner. Make the first meet brief and simple.

Yes, I am trying to cut my losses where I can. I have learnt sooner the better to meet. I have seen many very negative profiles of women on the app who talk about not wanting a ‘pen pal’. I understand the frustration but I would rather read about someone’s interest on their profile rather than negativity. 
 

Two of my good friends have given up on OLD, I’m not sure why I think my experience is unique. It’s not finding a date that’s the issue it’s finding someone suitable. As someone suggested above, a lady actually said to me ‘ moving out of London is actually an inconvenient decision you’ve made, for me anyway’. I live 20 minutes outside London on the train. Anyway, it just showed for me not to further the interaction as any relationship would just end up one sided. 

[Lamron300]

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

[ ] 

OP you need to be quite careful with your own pictures because I think that apps tend to filter some pictures so poor pictures may lead to you not being shown to everyone.

When your schedule is busy you need to ask yourself if you have the time to date, say you find someone to date, how would your schedule be adapted to make time for that person, maybe your schedule is a better for short term versus long term.

What may make things easier to decide which attributes are non negotiable and start searching from there.

 

If someone is genuine I don’t mind making the time. Saturdays/Sundays can work and a day in the week. What I don’t want to do is get into a relationship where I put in all the effort. 
 

My last date actually made a big deal of me living 20 minutes outside of London. 
 

Attributes is an interesting point you raise. For example I can drive but if a potential partner can’t it may be me making all the effort. That isn’t usually an attribute I would think of, but it seems it could be an issue. 
 

My two previous gfs have texted their ex’s behind my back. What they had in common is they had not many friends which meant they kept previous partners in their orbit. Maybe as some sort of comfort. How do you note all these things down from day 1? Not to make the same mistakes. 
 

What I am saying is it’s easier to say what I don’t want than what I do want. I now know the traits which I can’t accept in a person and how to spot someone who is untrustworthy. 
 

As I responded above, I am not shallow but why should I speak to someone who has admitted they are basically on the app for validation and they don’t look like their pictures. She isn’t interested in meeting. 

[basil67]

11 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Hi,

Yes, I am a bit all over the place at the moment. I just completed writing a report and the quality of my work has gone to pieces. I really think I need to take a break from work when I've cleared my upcoming commitments. 

In terms of dates, I feel awkward asking online what people are looking for online. I am usually very relaxed and have a mindset of lets just see how it goes. But now I can see nice good conversations don't equal mutual connection. Right now in my mindset anything but a 'success' is catastrophic. As you said, you're just meeting strangers. There are so many variables and things that can happen. Saturday is a long time away, I don't want to speak too much or too little. Basically what I am saying is I need to have enthusiasm going into dates as the last one wasn't great. 

Unfortunately, the bolded is why you're not ready to be dating.  There will be many unsuccessful first dates and if you find each one catastrophic, it will start to affect your mental health.  And likely also the way your potential dates see you.  Of course, you can try to gauge what they are looking for if you're not comfortable in asking what they are looking for....I only suggested it because I'm upfront about what I want and value that trait in others.  

11 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

The 'date' I have arranged for this week is on Saturday evening. The reason I say 'date' is I am thinking to myself what actually is a date. From TV programmes in the 90s it used to seem such a big deal to go on a date. I have had good interactions and we have things in common but I can't gauge the level of attraction. Hasn't been too much flirting.

Ah yes, I'm old and was dating in the 80's and early 90's and first dates were very exciting.   Thing is though, they were exciting because we'd already met organically (party/work/through friends/sport) and so we knew there was already a degree of attraction and rapport.  Whereas, on talking to my 23yo daughter, she was rather blaze about first meets via OLD because of the high rate of fails.  For her, the excitement and nerves come on the second time they meet. It's because this time, she knows that she really likes them and there is a greater chance of success.   This makes perfect sense to me.  

So yeah, first meet is to see if you actually vibe.  Second date is when the two of you feel that there is a spark

[Lamron300]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Unfortunately, the bolded is why you're not ready to be dating.  There will be many unsuccessful first dates and if you find each one catastrophic, it will start to affect your mental health.  And likely also the way your potential dates see you.  Of course, you can try to gauge what they are looking for if you're not comfortable in asking what they are looking for....I only suggested it because I'm upfront about what I want and value that trait in others.  

Ah yes, I'm old and was dating in the 80's and early 90's and first dates were very exciting.   Thing is though, they were exciting because we'd already met organically (party/work/through friends/sport) and so we knew there was already a degree of attraction and rapport.  Whereas, on talking to my 23yo daughter, she was rather blaze about first meets via OLD because of the high rate of fails.  For her, the excitement and nerves come on the second time they meet. It's because this time, she knows that she really likes them and there is a greater chance of success.   This makes perfect sense to me.  

So yeah, first meet is to see if you actually vibe.  Second date is when the two of you feel that there is a spark

That’s my biggest fear and that’s where the stress is coming from. I’m feeling like OLD is the only proactive way of meeting someone, I’ve signed up for martial arts classes and I need to enjoy it as something I’m doing for myself: For example, the best dating app I feel I’m currently using is still at the end of the day a business. They prompt me to pay $10/£10 if I want to be seen by more profiles. On top of £33/$33 a month to have unlimited swipes on profiles. It’s very easy to get absorbed in when you just have genuine intentions to meet people with similar interests. 
 

The date I have on Saturday we speak back and forth in paragraph after paragraph, which is all great but each date now I’m very wary about ensuring connection. No one is putting a gun to my head to go on a date. I know you need to meet in person but also there has to be an understanding of what the date is. For example if someone said you’re a cool guy and I like meeting new people so I think a date is a good idea. That’s fine but not what I’m looking for. I can’t ensure connection but I want to make sure I’m on the same wavelength as people. She has said I’m free going which is great as that’s how I want to be seen, but at the same time I don’t want my intentions to not be clear. I’m not looking for a friend. 
 

Oh yeah I’m talking like this is my first time ever dating, I’ve been using OLD since I was 19 (now 29). I’m just trying to avoid mistakes I’ve made in the past. I feel a lot older not physically, just mentally. 

[basil67]

30 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

That’s my biggest fear and that’s where the stress is coming from. I’m feeling like OLD is the only proactive way of meeting someone, I’ve signed up for martial arts classes and I need to enjoy it as something I’m doing for myself: For example, the best dating app I feel I’m currently using is still at the end of the day a business. They prompt me to pay $10/£10 if I want to be seen by more profiles. On top of £33/$33 a month to have unlimited swipes on profiles. It’s very easy to get absorbed in when you just have genuine intentions to meet people with similar interests. 

And there's the rub - there are pros and cons to everything

If you want "proactive dating" you need to go online and this means meeting many where there's just no connection.   Whereas, back in the day, we didn't have the option for proactive dating and might meet go on a date with someone new once or twice a year.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.   But when we did meet someone, it was in person, so we'd get an idea of whether or not they were worth dating.....so much less time wasting.

All in all, from what I've read online and seen with my daughter, it seems that the results of being proactive and just meeting organically are much the same.  Perhaps you're better off ditching the dating apps and just living your life and see who comes into it.  The only caveat is that you need to get out there in situations where you can meet others.  Particularly social events.

 

[ZA Dater]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

And there's the rub - there are pros and cons to everything

If you want "proactive dating" you need to go online and this means meeting many where there's just no connection.   Whereas, back in the day, we didn't have the option for proactive dating and might meet go on a date with someone new once or twice a year.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.   But when we did meet someone, it was in person, so we'd get an idea of whether or not they were worth dating.....so much less time wasting.

All in all, from what I've read online and seen with my daughter, it seems that the results of being proactive and just meeting organically are much the same.  Perhaps you're better off ditching the dating apps and just living your life and see who comes into it.  The only caveat is that you need to get out there in situations where you can meet others.  Particularly social events.

 

This seems particularly relevant here. OP the issue with OLD is basically the ease of it makes people ever more particular, particularly people who are simply date for the sake of it or as you say they want some sort of validation. 

OLD will just mean potentially having to meet people you do not find attractive in the hope they do become attractive, again people will disagree but that is how I have experienced over the last 15 odd years. 

OLD does potentially open up options to meet people you may not ordinarily meet but that is a double edged sword. In my view OP you need to allocate specific days and just go on dates with the view of expecting very little, see it as a form of networking, maybe it becomes easier to justify from that point of view. BUT be careful not to do this for an extended period of time because you will become very jaded very quickly.

Meeting people the old fashioned way may work but then you need to be very good at reading people and picking up interest, OLD means you do not need those attributes or to a lesser degree because she has already agreed to meet you, so there is some inherent interest.

 

[Nowherenear]

There are thousands of videos and articles and instructions of how to filter out people who might not be really interested or have red flags so I won't even bother to try and give you advise on this. My only concern is that a woman who might actually be interested in you and you in her will not be bothered when you tell her that your job and your dog is a priority over your personal life. I mean, I love dogs maybe more that humans to be honest, but if I were a woman who had an interest in you and the first time we met you'd tell me that you work a lot and you need to walk your dog for an hour every day, I'd be like "so why are you looking for a GF since your schedule is so tight?". I'm being honest here, I would not take it well, but this is my point of view and maybe I have misunderstood something.

[Lamron300]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

This seems particularly relevant here. OP the issue with OLD is basically the ease of it makes people ever more particular, particularly people who are simply date for the sake of it or as you say they want some sort of validation. 

OLD will just mean potentially having to meet people you do not find attractive in the hope they do become attractive, again people will disagree but that is how I have experienced over the last 15 odd years. 

OLD does potentially open up options to meet people you may not ordinarily meet but that is a double edged sword. In my view OP you need to allocate specific days and just go on dates with the view of expecting very little, see it as a form of networking, maybe it becomes easier to justify from that point of view. BUT be careful not to do this for an extended period of time because you will become very jaded very quickly.

Meeting people the old fashioned way may work but then you need to be very good at reading people and picking up interest, OLD means you do not need those attributes or to a lesser degree because she has already agreed to meet you, so there is some inherent interest.

 

That’s what I’m trying to avoid, ‘the jaded feeling’. I am trying to put low investment into OLD to avoid disappointment. For example, I haven’t asked for my dates number I am just speaking on the app, then If the date goes well maybe exchange details. 
 

The background to this all is last 18 months a lot has happened. Business went crazy last year as the property market was booming, then felt comfortable to purchase house and then totally refurbish house. Now working to recoup all that money spent. I can make time in my schedule for dating but I don’t want to date just for the sake of it. At the end of my last date ‘the it was nice meeting you’ really hit me in the gut. It was both my fault and her fault. I shouldn’t have asked her on the date as I didn’t feel encouraged about her romantic intentions. In my head I want to a) feel proactive since breakup and b) have as many options as possible to avoid disappointment. I then feel bad about point b as I would rather just meet one person and explore that connection. But due to the availability of OLD it has changed the landscape. Even people that may be considered less conventionally attractive have a whole raft of options. It is good and bad. 

My date on Saturday was on holiday for last week that’s why I arranged for this Saturday. I have learnt not to talk for ages before meeting. 

Psychologically if I had ten dates lined up after this one, I would feel a lot more relaxed. But obviously that is the problem with OLD in a nutshell. Funnily enough I’ve had 2 people in the past try and circle back to me after their other dates haven’t turned out well. I rejected their advances, but again it shows my dilemma with OLD. To protect yourself you have to have a lot of dates, which ultimately equals a lot of time and investment. How can I just relax in the meantime? Maybe just focus on hobbies? 

[Lamron300]

3 hours ago, Nowherenear said:

There are thousands of videos and articles and instructions of how to filter out people who might not be really interested or have red flags so I won't even bother to try and give you advise on this. My only concern is that a woman who might actually be interested in you and you in her will not be bothered when you tell her that your job and your dog is a priority over your personal life. I mean, I love dogs maybe more that humans to be honest, but if I were a woman who had an interest in you and the first time we met you'd tell me that you work a lot and you need to walk your dog for an hour every day, I'd be like "so why are you looking for a GF since your schedule is so tight?". I'm being honest here, I would not take it well, but this is my point of view and maybe I have misunderstood something.

I am willing to alter my schedule for the right person. I mean with my ex I would drive 50 minutes to pick her up, 50 minutes to my house and then 50 minutes back to her house before she moved in with me. But that is part of the problem, if I put in all the effort, that’s a mistake in the first place. 
 

As my ex lived with me I didn’t think too much about my hobbies or personal life as I was just focused on a gf as a social outlet. I’m now trying not to make the same mistake. Even if I do meet someone I need to try maintain my hobbies/personal alone time. 
 

How do you relate to other people being busy, though? My date for Saturday recommended Saturday as she said she has kept all evenings free this week as she has 3 essays to write. 

[Kassieee]

Are you over your last relationship? 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

How can I just relax in the meantime? Maybe just focus on hobbies? 

IMO you need to grow your non-romantic social life so you are a more vibrant dating prospect and are getting some interpersonal joy out of life; also are re-socialized to seeing the world in a variety of perspectives not just your own. Focus on hobbies so it grows your feeling of being capable and therefore confident...same with social interactions should help your confidence and banter and topics you can talk about. And also I think you need some personal growth. Within the course of this thread there seems to be a little nudge of growth but to be the best you, I do think you need to work on your personal (internal) growth----because within the course of this thread there has been a nudge in a good direction but you are relying on old thought patterns which come up even in the most recent posts so unless you really deal with those, I'm pretty sure you will have external results and feelings about your external results that are not favorable, ideal or what you really want out of life.

For time management, I would also say you should try to carve out some of that morning time for solitary activities like work reports or perhaps if there is jiu jitsu in the am...because the most likely time for socializing & dating would be evening (and then the Saturdays/Sundays you are already open to). Listen if you want to be a baller haha you need to work hard. Many guys who are focusing on their careers at 29 only want to date casually because that is what works for their priorities which career is the priority. I think in some ways that is more realistic--you either have to be prepared to weather a surge where you really extend yourself timewise/effortwise if you want BOTH or choose to prioritize one over the other.   All your wording still sounds like you want to just slot someone in to take away your pain/boost your ego.  

*I'm just going to keep pointing out where you don't apply the same standards to yourself that you expect of other people. The woman who said she couldn't date you because you live a 20 minute train ride from London? Ironically at the beginning of this thread you were whinging on about not wanting to waste your time bc it took xyz long to get into the spot where the dating would happen (presuming also London). You either decide it is worth it or you do not. For yourself and then it is much easier to take your complaint about this woman seriously. She had the same mindset as you did/do--she just expressed it when you either waiver back and forth; don't express it; don't set your dating parameters to not include that distance etc etc.

[BlueberryPie]

First, as I think you've remembered now, it's probably not very realistic to expect any one date to turn into more.

Since your time is limited, you could use it much more efficiently. As we see here, the time spent on several phone conversations and then a whole evening in person were wasted because she wasn't attracted to you. How many people could you have met in that same number of hours if you only talked on the phone for half an hour and met for lunch or coffee, making it clear you only had time for a quick meetup?

I think people know pretty quickly once they see you in person if they want to spend more time getting to know you or not, and vice versa. Good luck.

[Lamron300]

6 hours ago, justaskingok said:

Are you over your last relationship? 

I am over the relationship in terms of I have no feelings towards her at all, well anger and betrayal that’s all. Because of how it ended, that’s why it has been easier to move on. I saw what kind of person she is and she didn’t care about me so why should I mope around for 6-12 months? 
 

The flip side is every disappointment now feels like a bigger deal. 

[Kassieee]

15 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

I am over the relationship in terms of I have no feelings towards her at all, well anger and betrayal that’s all. Because of how it ended, that’s why it has been easier to move on. I saw what kind of person she is and she didn’t care about me so why should I mope around for 6-12 months? 
 

The flip side is every disappointment now feels like a bigger deal. 

Holy smokey that was fast. Compete 180 from your initial post. happy for you.

[Lamron300]

4 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

IMO you need to grow your non-romantic social life so you are a more vibrant dating prospect and are getting some interpersonal joy out of life; also are re-socialized to seeing the world in a variety of perspectives not just your own. Focus on hobbies so it grows your feeling of being capable and therefore confident...same with social interactions should help your confidence and banter and topics you can talk about. And also I think you need some personal growth. Within the course of this thread there seems to be a little nudge of growth but to be the best you, I do think you need to work on your personal (internal) growth----because within the course of this thread there has been a nudge in a good direction but you are relying on old thought patterns which come up even in the most recent posts so unless you really deal with those, I'm pretty sure you will have external results and feelings about your external results that are not favorable, ideal or what you really want out of life.

 

*I'm just going to keep pointing out where you don't apply the same standards to yourself that you expect of other people. The woman who said she couldn't date you because you live a 20 minute train ride from London? Ironically at the beginning of this thread you were whinging on about not wanting to waste your time bc it took xyz long to get into the spot where the dating would happen (presuming also London). You either decide it is worth it or you do not. For yourself and then it is much easier to take your complaint about this woman seriously. She had the same mindset as you did/do--she just expressed it when you either waiver back and forth; don't express it; don't set your dating parameters to not include that distance etc etc.

Point taken on social life. Jiu Jitsu/martial arts classes are at mixed times throughout the week. I’m going to a class at 8.30pm tomorrow. As I said before, last year I was working a lot paying to buy and renovate house and since I was with my gf I didn’t prioritise my own personal life much. I saw socialisation just through her. The problem is she wanted the benefit of the business (security and nice things) but not to do any work. Hobbies are great but even Jiu Jitsu is costing me £1200 ($1445) for the year. I don’t mind the cost as I work hard but then that’s why I take my business seriously. I am happy to be flexible with my schedule for the right person with the right intentions. 
 

Sorry, it seems a lot is getting confused over the internet. I don’t mind  travelling into London but that’s why the shorter date idea doesn’t work. I’d end up spending more time travelling/waiting for trains/driving to station than on the date. Of course I’d love to meet local women but the app doesn’t seem to show many. 

The good point you made about personal growth is why I’m trying to be careful. Say if I met someone, I won’t drop all my hobbies again and think social interaction with a partner is enough.

I wouldn’t agree with your comment on ego boost. I’ve been on so many dates in my life, I would rather have been on one meaningful one than those 100/200 or whatever. In all this I have left out the 1st date I went on before I met my last date: I went on two dates with her, first was okay, second kissing and cosy. Then I didn’t hear from her much so I stopped trying and moved on. I am not trying to figure out people anymore, I’ve seen from the past a lot of the time it’s nothing to do with me. People have been in on/off again relationships etc and I’ve just been caught in the middle.

Bottom line is OLD isn’t really great for my mental health but I guess you always have to hold out hope. 

[Lamron300]

2 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

Holy smokey that was fast. Compete 180 from your initial post. happy for you.

Combination of time/therapy/medication. I’m angry at her, but I’ve not been sad about the relationship. She never wanted marriage or kids but wanted to be financially linked so it would never have worked. I then work back in my head that the bad things she did against me were just a symptom of the original problem ‘incompatibility’. 

[Kassieee]

4 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

Combination of time/therapy/medication. I’m angry at her, but I’ve not been sad about the relationship. She never wanted marriage or kids but wanted to be financially linked so it would never have worked. I then work back in my head that the bad things she did against me were just a symptom of the original problem ‘incompatibility’. 

Has she tried contacting you?

[Lamron300]

6 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

Has she tried contacting you?

No and that is what is stressing me out. She doesn’t even care about her on stuff. She pretended to give me my keys back but took them. I have changed the locks anyway. I need to put her sofa and her computer in storage and that’s the last of her things. Problem is I am paying for the storage.  I don’t want to contact her as I never want to speak again, but I need to give her a chance to collect from storage before I stop paying. 

[Kassieee]

4 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

No and that is what is stressing me out. She doesn’t even care about her on stuff. She pretended to give me my keys back but took them. I have changed the locks anyway. I need to put her sofa and her computer in storage and that’s the last of her things. Problem is I am paying for the storage.  I don’t want to contact her as I never want to speak again, but I need to give her a chance to collect from storage before I stop paying. 

What are the laws in your city. Can't you just throw her stuff out or sell them after a couple months.

[Lamron300]

15 hours ago, justaskingok said:

What are the laws in your city. Can't you just throw her stuff out or sell them after a couple months.

The law isn’t clear. It’s really stressing me out. She may not even be in the country right now.