Taz1985 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 Hi, my bf and I broke up 2.5 weeks ago . We were together for 7 months. The break up ended because of me. There was no cheating involved. But I disrespected him and hurt him. I took responsibility and trying to make changes. I miss him a lot. He’s been very angry with me and wanting me to give him space and time to move on from it all. He told me the more I talk to him the more I push him away. The relationship is clearly over but he’s told me countless times that he didn’t want to cut me out of his life, maybe we could be in each other’s lives again after we’ve healed and if we could rebuild trust then he wouldn’t fight it if something happened again between us. I’ve been in a rough spot with a family member being in the hospital and it’s taken a huge toll on me. i went 10 days no contact but today I messaged him. he asked how my family was doing and wished them well. I brought up hanging out again one day and he said he was open to the idea. i asked him if he still hates me and he said. “No I don’t hate you but Im finding I really enjoy my space” This felt insensitive considering the context but I’m wondering what this means? is he saying his life is better with out me in it? Is this just a stage men go through while broken up? Like he’s got a new found freedom being single? any insight would be helpful. I will be going into no contact again. But deep down I don’t want to loose him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 2 hours ago, Taz1985 said: I’m wondering what this means? It means exactly what he said - he enjoys space from you. 2 hours ago, Taz1985 said: is he saying his life is better with out me in it? Yes, that is what he is saying. 2 hours ago, Taz1985 said: Is this just a stage men go through while broken up? No, not necessarily. It just sounds like he is okay being on somewhat friendly terms with you but doesn't want anything more to or to hang out any time soon. You won't be able to be friends until you've reached a point where you'd be okay hearing about (or meeting) the next girl he dates. Until then, your feelings are too strong and you shouldn't be in touch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 (edited) Oh holy crap don't give him any space. I want you to get in your car right now and drive over to his place and stand outside of it blasting a Phil Collins love song from the '80s. You will totally love that. You will win him over. Guaranteed. Not. Look I get it. As hard as it might be just give him space. Let him contact you. Give him all the space he wants. If there is any hope he will miss you. And eventually reach out. I can't stress this enough - give him space. Edited February 22, 2023 by Mrin Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 3 hours ago, Taz1985 said: . He told me the more I talk to him the more I push him away. What was the breakup about? Why is he angry with you? It's good you are stepping back and giving him space. However it seems like it's over and all he's offering is maybe FWB/hookups in the future so keeping you around for that potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Taz1985 said: . i asked him if he still hates me and he said. “No I don’t hate you but Im finding I really enjoy my space” This felt insensitive considering the context but I’m wondering what this means? By asking him that question in that particular way, you were setting him up to either show sympathy toward you by being dishonest and disrespecting his own needs or to hurt you by being honest. And it sounds like you expected him to do the former because your relative is in hospital. I'm sorry your relative is in hospital and I hope they will be okay. But that was a manipulative way to talk to your ex. And it was not respectful of his needs or preferences. If you're not careful, you're going to push this guy so far out of your life that reconnecting as friends in the future won't be a possibility. Your best bet is to lean on your other friends and relatives for emotional support and to leave him completely alone. Edited February 22, 2023 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 5 hours ago, Taz1985 said: I disrespected him and hurt him. What exactly did you do? It was obviously bad enough for him to end it and want space from you. You need to respect his wishes and leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 (edited) 9 hours ago, Taz1985 said: The relationship is clearly over but he’s told me countless times that he didn’t want to cut me out of his life, maybe we could be in each other’s lives again after we’ve healed and if we could rebuild trust then he wouldn’t fight it if something happened again between us This could take 5 years before that happens. Yes he was saying he likes his space away from you. That is your hint that he doesn't want to get back together with you but after a large amount of time apart maybe then you two can be friends. Leave him alone, he's no longer interested. Edited February 22, 2023 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 You are broken up. You need to respect that. He doesn't want to deal with you now and he may never want to. Most people don't really remain "friends" with exes though I would guess that a great many of them claimed that they would when they broke up. I'm sorry for what you're going through with your family member. Reach out to your close friends. On the upside, you were only in this relationship for a few months - not long enough to become isolated from your other important people. You will benefit from this space yourself. It will help you move on from the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 your ex wants space because he dumped you, that's literally the reason he dumped you is to not deal with you. if you keep pushing and contacting him he's probably going to start being more and more angry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 (edited) Hey, the relationship is over. It's done. This "we can stay in each other's lives" is a myth. A dream. Doesn't happen. Here's the criteria for being in each other's lives: he can tell you he wants to have sex with a woman and then that he has sex with that woman and you have no reaction. Other than to feel good and encourage him. Are you there? I'm sorry, breaking up is hard. He's not going through a phase. You're the one stuck in a phase of denial. Yes, he has the right to tell you that he doesn't want to see you and he has the right to tell you that he's enjoying time away from you. If you ask him, he has the right to tell the truth. BTW: so do you! And no, he does not have any obligation to get close to you because a family member is sick. Nope. Doesn't work that way. It is kinda weird that one day we have a crisis and we go to our partner and talk about it ... and as soon as we break up, a minute later, it's not partner's role to support us in a crisis. Literally, it's like you flick a switch. That's the way it has to be--gradual breaking up is myth. What you want to do is turn to others and to start building up a different support network of friends, family, coworkers or whoever--who you can go to for support in place of him. You're blocking that process by thinking that he can play that role. No, he can't. Not if he wants to break up with you. And he shouldn't! Edited February 23, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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