Girl friends , friend bring back guy to our place [updated: she broke up with me a 2nd time]

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, philthebill said:

We are both to blame for that, I love a good debate, but we could just not talk about them issues!

Indeed.   If debates end up as arguments, you shouldn't be having them.  If you must debate, go online and do it with strangers rather than risk damaging your relationship.  Besides, if you already know how the other feels and that you can't agree, why raise the topic again?  

4 minutes ago, philthebill said:

Today we went to try and talk things over, went for breakfast, she informed me she was going to free palestine protest, I told her I would only go if it was a protest for peace with no agendas other than peace. If that makes sense. 

Yeah, you're not helping things.  Why not ask about who was speaking and then make a person decision without sticking your own POV into it?

[philthebill]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Indeed.   If debates end up as arguments, you shouldn't be having them.  If you must debate, go online and do it with strangers rather than risk damaging your relationship.  Besides, if you already know how the other feels and that you can't agree, why raise the topic again?  

Yeah, you're not helping things.  Why not ask about who was speaking and then make a person decision without sticking your own POV into it?

Definitely agree, we talked about joining debate club as well.

Also should have maybe talked a little more about who was talking. Honestly I was very stressed with the break up and the situation as whole In gaza. I would have rather she put our relationship first, she never mentioned going to the protest till 40mins before.

[basil67]

30 minutes ago, philthebill said:

Definitely agree, we talked about joining debate club as well.

Also should have maybe talked a little more about who was talking. Honestly I was very stressed with the break up and the situation as whole In gaza. I would have rather she put our relationship first, she never mentioned going to the protest till 40mins before.

I disagree. The two of you are broken up and she has every right to continue with her plans.  And honestly, your response to her invitation to the protest would have been another example of how the two of you don't get on.   It's not going to help change her mind in returning

 

[philthebill]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I disagree. The two of you are broken up and she has every right to continue with her plans.  And honestly, your response to her invitation to the protest would have been another example of how the two of you don't get on.   It's not going to help change her mind in returning

 

I'm not able to slove issues in isreal, but definitely am in the position to slove things in my personal life. You've got a good insight.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Relationships aren't supposed to be a political debate. It's irrelevant if you have your own opinions and thoughts on things, everyone has a right to that of course.

But the purpose of debates is to prove the other is wrong and is generally considered hostile and argumentive in relationships. 

There's absolutely no reason you have to attend whatever political causes she's interested in with snark thrown in about "only if it's....". Just don't go.

Live and let live. While you find debating fun, others can find it simply draining and argumentative. Arguing for the sake of arguing is a battle, not a relationship. It's all about ego and thinking you're smarter and right, someone else is wrong, therefore they're the loser. 

Some people thrive on chronic bickering, some people don't. Apparently she finds you antagonistic. Stay apart. 

@philthebillI think this is spot on.   Sometimes I express an opinion and on the odd occasion it becomes a debate with my husband.  We both end up with the shits and sometimes it takes me a day to recover despite the fact that raised voices are not used.  It's not worth the damage it causes to relationships. I also don't think that joining a debate society together is smart because still bringing argument into the relationship.  If you really need to argue, best to do it on your own.

And I will go as far as saying that sometimes our personal beliefs can be strong enough that it's simply not wise to be with someone who holds passionately opposite views. 

 

 

Edited October 29, 2023 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

You two need to stay broken up. You clearly do not get along and are not a match.