Sarah104 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 (edited) Hi so my bf of almost a year (a 23 year old man) and me (a 22 year old woman) went on a date this past weekend. We took a day trip into the city to shop around and try some restaurants. My bf told me he had a surprise for us so I was excited to find out what it was. The day was going great and it seemed we were both having a great time. As we were walking to his surprise plan we arrived at an ice skating rink in the park. I thought that was a great idea and would be fun. I asked them if he knew if they sold any socks to wear as I didn’t have any on. He looked down at my feet and back at me and said “why [cursing] wouldn’t you have socks on.” In his defense I was wearing AF1s and I do usually wear no show socks but that day I didn’t have any clean ones so I wore them barefoot. I explained that to him and he told me I was disgusting. I couldn’t believe how angry he got. I told him we can just go home if he wants now and he said no I already paid for it let’s go. So we went up to the counter to rent the skates and the worker told me they don’t sell any socks to wear. I could see my boyfriend getting angry at me again so I quickly said thanks and grabbed the skates. We went to go sit down to put them on and he asked me so what are you going to do. I told him I really don’t mind wearing the skates barefoot and that I’ll wash my feet when I get home. He said well that’s your choice but I think you’re really disgusting for going without socks in the first place. At that point I was very upset with him. We skated for about 20 minutes then left. He kept making rude comments on the way home. I don’t know if I feel comfortable being with him if he’s going to act like that. Any suggestions on how we continue? Edited February 22, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 I can understand why your boyfriend thought it was gross about the socks but he didn't need to tell you you were gross twice about it. After all, it's not his feet that were affected. Are you asking if you should break up over this? No, but why didn't you tell him you don't like being talked to that way? Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 Wow he was really rude and disrespectful to you. The only redemption here is an apology on his part and acknowledgement that he treated you badly, and a promise to deal with his anger issues. Anything less is unacceptable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 53 minutes ago, Sarah104 said: . As we were walking to his surprise plan we arrived at an ice skating rink in the park. I thought that was a great idea and would be fun. Sorry this happened. Was the skating the surprise? He was rude. You probably know this isn't about socks. Has he ever gone off like this before? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 You've been with him for a year. Is this the first time you've seen this kind of behaviour from him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 You need to tell him straight that you really don't appreciate the way he treated you. Yes, no socks is a bit ick but he didn't have to be such a dick about it. I don't think it's worth breaking up over but you need to stand up for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 How awful. Any surprise like that usually means the surpriser or organizer is taking extra precaution nothing goes wrong. I’ve had partners in the past do things like this and stuff extra items like socks into a pack or pockets or bring snacks and bottles of water without me being aware! I’ve felt taken care of and loved not cussed out and humiliated for something you couldn’t have foreseen. Does he usually react very badly when life doesn’t work out as he wants? There’s a possibility he’s angry with himself but turning it on you. That’s a terrible way to live and poor planning overall on his part. Ask him why he felt the need to cuss and tell you you were gross. My guess is you already know why and he’s got a temper, not the kind of person who plans well or thinks things through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 (edited) OK so he was overreacting. This to me doesn't sound like an isolated incident. has he been toxic like this many times before? You looking for confirmation and want him to change this behavior? Edited February 23, 2023 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 20 hours ago, basil67 said: You've been with him for a year. Is this the first time you've seen this kind of behaviour from him? Also my question. This sounds pretty extreme, this can’t be the first time that he has behaved this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 On 2/22/2023 at 7:05 PM, Sarah104 said: Any suggestions on how we continue? Yeah - don't. He doesn't get a green light to verbally abuse you. Ever. I would be done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 (edited) OMG, that was toxic reaction on his part. A serious over-reaction and he got nasty. The proper response would have been ... laughter ... you cannot go on allowing this guy to blame and attack you like that. Unless you cheat on him or pull a gun on him, he should NEVER talk to you like that. You put up with abusive and that's not a good habit for a young person, and a young woman. Get voice. Gifts are all about intention anyway. You appreciated the intent. He went all insecure and then attacked you based on his insecurity. He needs to apologize. Without one breath of justification. Not one breath ... You should have told him btw you can dress how you want, socks or no socks, and you will continue to dress how you want. He reverted to a 3-year-old baby mad that mommy took a toy away. As others have said, this can NOT have been his only such behavior. What to do. I say dump him unless his gives a groveling apology. Not one of those apologies where he says "well you were wrong too." Not one of those where he says "I'll try to do better" next time. No! He has to commit to absolutely being better. No "trying." And just to circle: why the heck are apologizing for not wearing socks? Don't put "harmony" with him above respect for you. That is only fake harmony. Edited February 23, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 (edited) And to state the obvious, if a person is going to arrange a surprise ice skating event, they should pack thick, warm socks and a jacket for the person they are taking. Even if you'd have been wearing invisible ankle socks, they wouldn't have been appropriate in hire boots Edited February 23, 2023 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 OP, Next time that happens, with this guy or someone else, I say excuse yourself, go to the bathroom. If you're driving, ask him to stop. Get out of the car. Call an uber and take yourself home. And do NOT take his calls or texts for three days. That's the way you send a signal to him about how you are to be treated--and a signal to yourself about how you will be treated! That's how bad his behavior was--it justifies you dumping him on the spot and then ignoring any calls for several days ... And then you can decide what to do ... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 24, 2023 Share Posted February 24, 2023 I"m sorry but absolutely not. Any guy who talks to you and verbally abuses you like this should be your EX boyfriend. If you have an ounce of self-respect, get out of this relationship immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2023 Share Posted February 24, 2023 (edited) My heart dropped when l read your story. Do not continue a relationship with a man using such language with you. You're not a dog, you're his girfriend. So what you had no socks! He could have kept his cool and drive you to the nearest drug store or dollarstore so you get a cheap pair of socks. The words he chose are completely unacceptable. If you accept this you'll get more of this in the future. Don't be worried, be mad. Tell him if he calls you disgusting again he'll be single, and mean it. Listen, you're young and you may not know yet but good boyfriends don't talk like that to their girlfriends, your boyfriend is a bully. Edited February 24, 2023 by Gaeta 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allperspectiveswelcome Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 Major red flag. Absolutley no one would get a way with speaking to me like that. Link to post Share on other sites
SparklingandBroken Posted March 4, 2023 Share Posted March 4, 2023 Run. Trust me, it only gets worse. Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted March 4, 2023 Share Posted March 4, 2023 (edited) It’s quite strange to go off like this because of socks. You could have just gone to a convenience store or gas station to buy some socks. I’m sure there is some place near the ice rink where you can buy necessities. It’s one thing to say something once but he just kept going. I think it’s about something more than just socks. Does he normally get angry when things don’t go his way? Does he have some fetish with feet that the issue of socks is so important? Edited March 4, 2023 by bene Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2023 Share Posted April 1, 2023 He’s rude and trying it on. If you put up with this, he will have learned you will put up with abuse. Maybe you are seeing another side of your boyfriend. I would be very wary of continuing this relationship if I were you. Once he realised you didn’t have socks on, he could have offered to go and get some for you or take you to get some. I can understand he might have been disappointed that you were not ready for the treat, but it was a surprise so you couldn’t be. His behaviour is not acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts