Has the end of the road come?

[Allperspectiveswelcome]

Advice would be appreciated.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years - relationship is good, we are each others best friend and rent a small house together - we have a lot of fun. We have been in a position to buy a house and start a family for a couple of years but that's not happened yet. The problem is, I go through regular cycles of having this deep feeling that we aren't right for each other. He isn't very affectionate and never really wants to do things, he says we live with each other and are always together but there isn't actually any quality time spent, when I think back to all the highlights of last year, he wasn't there for any of them. I have started visualising what life would be like without him and its not as scary as I once would have imagined. The sex is very good, but latterly it feels like we just do it because we should, I don't think he finds me attractive anymore and that's a problem for me. I look at my parents who have been happily married for 35 years and are still in love and I want that - I want someone to want me. Am I being crazy? I know that people say the honey moon period doesn't last forever, but why not? Why should I not expect to feel wanted and loved no matter how long we have been together. I'm scared that the relationship ends and I/we regret it, yet I'm scared to not take the risk. He goes through spells of not sleeping great and I can annoy him in bed, so we now top and tale. I really want to just snog someone like I am a teenager again, yet he never even wants a kiss. I really think the lack of affection and Intimacy is a deal braked. Are we both settling for each other? 30 and 35 years old. So conflicted and could use some advice!!
Peace out, much love X

[ExpatInItaly]

There is a difference between the honeymoon phase being over, and the relationship being devoid of true emotional intimacy. 

Long-term relationships don't have to completely lose their spark. It comes and goes, yes, but when you are questioning things regularly, it's your gut telling you that this relationship isn't the right one for you anymore. You two sound like friends and roomates more than a couple at this stage. 

So yes, it seems you're together out of convenience and familiarity more than anything else now. If you don't want a lifetime of this, you know what you need to do. 

[JTSW]

Have you told him how you feel?

[Allperspectiveswelcome]

Thank you. 

I haven't spoken to him yet, although I suspect he knows something isn't right with me. 

I think I find it really difficult to differentiate the difference between my head, heart and gut and also fear that "the grass isn't greener". 

I also really struggle to say how I feel and maybe that's part of the problem. I am going to be brave and speak to him this week, I don't want to approach the subject with the intent of seperating, I would like to just have a conversation about it, glean his views which I wonder might be the same as mine. 

We have also been trying for a baby for nearly 2 years with 1 miscarriage and I don't know if the stress of trying has made things worse. 

Thanks. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said:

also fear that "the grass isn't greener"

But sometimes, it absolutely is. 

You two absolutely need to have a conversation about this. It's entirely possible that he's feeling the same way you are. 

[Teeto]

Can I ask if anything has changed? Forgive me for prying,  but any signs of substance abuse? I feel like I am living along the same lines that you are and both substance abuse and depression I think have played a huge role. 

[glows]

I’d suggest having this conversation asap and putting any baby making on hold. Sex is fine. Just get on birth control asap if you’re not sure about being with your partner. 

He deserves to know in the same way if the tables are turned and he has misgivings towards you (he should tell you). Why doesn’t he want to snog and kiss?