Allperspectiveswelcome Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 Hello, What are the rules for a break to be successful? No contact? Contact? No sex? No sex with other people? Live separately? For how long? We planned on having a break around 2 years ago when we were confused about what we wanted. It lasted one night and we were back in bed together - I worry that we should have had a proper break because 2 years down the line the same issues have resurfaced.... Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hanna25 Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 The rules for a successful break can vary from one couple to another, as there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, some general guidelines that can help make a break more effective include: Set clear boundaries: Before going on a break, it is important for both partners to agree on what the break means for them. This may include agreeing on the duration of the break, whether or not they will have contact during the break, and whether or not they will see other people. Communicate honestly: Both partners should be open and honest about their feelings, needs, and expectations during the break. This can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Take time apart: Taking time apart from each other can be helpful in gaining clarity and perspective on the relationship. This may involve living separately or taking a break from communication. Seek support: It can be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist during the break. This can provide a safe space to process feelings and emotions. Reflect on the relationship: Use the break to reflect on the relationship and what you want from it. This can help you gain clarity on whether or not you want to continue the relationship and what changes may need to be made. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 12 minutes ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: Hello, What are the rules for a break to be successful? No contact? Contact? No sex? No sex with other people? Live separately? For how long? We planned on having a break around 2 years ago when we were confused about what we wanted. It lasted one night and we were back in bed together - I worry that we should have had a proper break because 2 years down the line the same issues have resurfaced.... Thanks While a break may give the individual parties time to think, it does nothing to solve the problems. And frankly, if the couple can't solve the problems while together, it does not bode well for the future of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 "Breaks" create more problems than they resolve. On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with unhealthy attachments and lack of other opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 A break solves nothing. I don't think I've ever heard anyone use a break to help their relationship. You guys are ducking and dodging the main issue: breakup or figure out how to stay together. Own up if you want to separate. That's a mature move. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 Well, from your previous thread there is lack of emotional intimacy and he’s been hurtful to you telling you he’s not attracted to you or being nitpicky about your weight. Frankly I think you’re both together out of fear of the unknown and want permission to pursue flirting, romance and sex with another guy (like in your other thread) who will make you feel more beautiful and alive. I can see a time out being helpful if two individuals still deeply love one another but aren’t sure how to reconcile given a situation. That’s what separations during a divorce are often for or that’s what the courts hope it’ll be for in many jurisdictions so that divorces aren’t impulsive or rashly gone through. The down side to that, as an aside, is that you really do have couples who are finished with one another and wanting to shut the door long before a one year period of separation or a “break”. If you don’t have children or own any assets or aren’t at all legally bound by marriage I have no idea why anyone would consider prolonging a break up like this. If you want out, then strike out and be prepared financially, emotionally, mentally. Do whatever you have to do so you’re not stuck being disrespected or disrespecting your partner too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueberryPie Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 Who wanted the break? It sounds like you both did but that seems a little unlikely? Tbh, to me wanting a break most likely means (1) "There's someone I am having sex with or want to have sex with so could you just, like, step aside? I'll be back if it doesn't work out." Or (2) "I want to break up but would rather slip out easily than have to deal with any drama." Is it one of the above? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 I'm really old. Back in the day, there was no such thing as "a break." You were in, or you were out. A break = breaking up. I still feel like this is the way it should be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 My only rule for breaks is this: don't go on breaks. Stay together and try to work on the issues, or break up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: My only rule for breaks is this: don't go on breaks. Stay together and try to work on the issues, or break up. Agreed. If someone wants a break, either tell them that if it can't be worked through while together, then a break up is warranted Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 Here is the rule for "breaks": There is no such thing as a "break". Either officially break up, or not. "Breaks" are very silly and they don't help the situation whatsoever. They just make everything more confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
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