How would you date differently this time?

[Hellolove]

So after going over your last break up, or a series of break up, how would you date differently this time? what sort of advices would you give to your imaginary younger self?

Share the advices!

As a woman, I think I should stop wasting time on guys who won’t commit. Perhaps I should ask in the third or fourth date why a potential guy is interested? What do you think?

[NuevoYorko]

Of course you shouldn't date people who won't commit, if you're looking for a serious relationship.  I hope people learn this as they gain age and wisdom.  

More importantly though, - please don't focus so much on whether a man will or won't commit before you even know whether YOU like THEM enough to see a future.  You are vetting them.  It's not all about whether they'll commit to you.   

Also please remember that if you ask a guy whether he's looking for "something serious" and he says yes,  it doesn't mean that he's going to end up being your boyfriend or husband.  Maybe you aren't the right person for him - maybe he's not the right one for you.  Doesn't mean he was "playing" or noncommittal necessarily.  

So take  time, be observant and learn.  And DON'T act on wishes, hopes, dreams and hormones too much.

[basil67]

For sure, don't date guys who won't commit!  The guy who's keen to see you and readily stops dating others is the guy you want.   Sure, you don't want to rush into commitment, but do at least look for the kind of guy who gives his all in the meantime

 

 

Edited February 28, 2023 by basil67

[Weezy1973]

13 hours ago, Hellolove said:

what sort of advices would you give to your imaginary younger self?

1. Don’t stay with someone that’s incompatible just because the sex is great. 
 

2. If you’re interested in someone, ask them out. AKA don’t worry about being rejected. 
 

3. It takes a long time to know someone well enough to know if you’re compatible. Don’t get too caught up in the early stages.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Hellolove said:

. Perhaps I should ask in the third or fourth date why a potential guy is interested? 

Unfortunately this could come across as desperate or pressure. Try to reframe it as you're selecting them, not they're picking you.

Have you considered getting a good profile and pics on paid quality relationship focused dating apps?

Since you don't want to waste time on casual dating, this may help with screening and filtering.

Even with that, it still takes time to see if someone is the right fit for you. 

[Hellolove]

On 3/1/2023 at 3:10 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately this could come across as desperate or pressure. Try to reframe it as you're selecting them, not they're picking you.

Why would this question come across as desperate? That doesn’t mean I have no right of a power.

If a guy doesn’t treat me right (for example the moment when he left me alone during the relationship), I should just dump him isn’t it? (Ex-boyfriend left me alone over and over multiple times that I almost thought this is natural)

Edited March 19, 2023 by Hellolove

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, Hellolove said:

Why would this question come across as desperate? That doesn’t mean I have no right of a power.

If a guy doesn’t treat me right (for example the moment when he left me alone during the relationship), I should just dump him isn’t it? (Ex-boyfriend left me alone over and over multiple times that I almost thought this is natural)

Asking a guy why he's interested comes across as fishing for compliments.  As in "tell me how great I am".   Though I do wonder if English is your second language and this was a translation problem.

Yes, you always have a right of power.  Look for a guy who shows by his behaviour that you're his number one.  For example, you'd be looking at him giving you prime date nights and knowing that he's really looking forward to seeing you.  You'd be looking for someone who's open about what his week involves.   No secrets, no mystery.  Just honest and open

[Hellolove]

On 3/20/2023 at 7:52 AM, basil67 said:

Asking a guy why he's interested comes across as fishing for compliments.  As in "tell me how great I am".   Though I do wonder if English is your second language and this was a translation problem.

Yes, you always have a right of power.  Look for a guy who shows by his behaviour that you're his number one.  For example, you'd be looking at him giving you prime date nights and knowing that he's really looking forward to seeing you.  You'd be looking for someone who's open about what his week involves.   No secrets, no mystery.  Just honest and open

And also how he makes me happy and how he give in to difficult circumstances?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Hellolove said:

And also how he makes me happy and how he give in to difficult circumstances?

Are you asking a question here?  I'm not sure where you're at

[Alpacalia]

Settling into a relationship should feel comfortable, not rushed.

[Weezy1973]

5 hours ago, Hellolove said:

And also how he makes me happy and how he give in to difficult circumstances?

Your partner isn’t responsible for your happiness. 

[stillafool]

On 2/28/2023 at 10:39 AM, Hellolove said:

 

 Perhaps I should ask in the third or fourth date why a potential guy is interested? What do you think?

I think you have it backwards.  After the third or fourth date you should ask yourself why you are still interested, then match his feelings to yours and decide if you should continue.  Asking him why he's interested comes off as you seeking validation.