throwawayacct3040 Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 Hey guys, so throwaway acct! I have been with my S/O for 2 1/2 years ( both in mid twenties), and i can't seem to envision a life together with him. We had issues in the past where it ended with us breaking up for around a week. Issues mostly included him not being affectionate or appreciative enough towards me. We worked on those issues, and he got so much better about it, and I can definitely see the difference, but it still didn't really change anything for me. I can't tell if I'm possibly just holding resentment from the past. There are some compatibility issues that I always saw with us such as just general lifestyles or especially humor. He's more of a homebody and I can be too however I like to go out or take mini vacation (2 days max) when I'm out of school or for anniversary/ bdays. However whenever I try to bring anything up he makes an excuse not to or never seems excited (we split everything 50/50 and the trips are never pricey as I am also a broke student). At one point I got us a game to spice us up and he kept skipping cards and ended up not wanting to play after just a couple of minutes. I also got us an activity book too so we can go out and do new things and he never seemed interested. Our humor also clashes, I feel like we don't think the other is funny at all. We rarely laugh together as our sense of humors are just completely different ( mine is dark and I wouldn't even know what to call his). We don't know even what to talk about anymore and I even dread his calls because it's likely gonna be silence or awkwardness. This became more of a rant but these are just some of the issues that we're having. There are more with specific incidents but this is already very long. We both love and care for each other and that's why I'm struggling so much with this decision. I don't see a future together and if I do I'm not happy. I don't know what to do at this point if I should stay or leave. Sorry for how long this was guys and thank you for reading it through. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 Can you say a little more about what those resentments from the past are about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author throwawayacct3040 Posted March 1, 2023 Author Share Posted March 1, 2023 Mm affection wise, he never kissed me and would often wipe it off if I did, he had never told me he loved me until after we broke up, he would push me off or say "okay that's enough" if I tried to cuddle or hug. He would try and make it into a joke but dealing with those things on a daily basis made me feel extremely unwanted/ unloved. Appreciation is how often I would try to make plans and he would literally say "It's not worth it" because it would be a short window ( I'm very busy and sometimes only have time for short windows). Or how I tried very hard to be a part of his family and he never tried with mine. He changed a lot of this and recognized he was being a huge jerk but even now typing it out makes me teary eyed. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 This guy sounds as though he barely likes you, OP. I would not have gotten back together with him. It's beyond time to break up. You two are not compatible and it won't get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 Neither of you are wrong, just way different people. You need to end this before you waste any more time. Most men are not going to stick around when they feel someone better for them is out there, and neither should you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 2 hours ago, throwawayacct3040 said: Mm affection wise, he never kissed me and would often wipe it off if I did, he had never told me he loved me until after we broke up, he would push me off or say "okay that's enough" if I tried to cuddle or hug. He would try and make it into a joke but dealing with those things on a daily basis made me feel extremely unwanted/ unloved. Appreciation is how often I would try to make plans and he would literally say "It's not worth it" because it would be a short window ( I'm very busy and sometimes only have time for short windows). Or how I tried very hard to be a part of his family and he never tried with mine. He changed a lot of this and recognized he was being a huge jerk but even now typing it out makes me teary eyed. It's a case of too late, too little. You grew attached to him because he's a presence in your life but I cannot see how you could emotionally connect with someone pushing you away for 2.5 years. Sure he changed lately but I doubt it will last. You certainly know what a loving relationship feels like right? This is not it. A romantic relationship is about support, respect, honoring each other, compromising to make your partner happy. Just the fact you don't get each other's humor is a reason to go both your ways. I can't imagine a life time of not laughing with my partner. I didn't always picked the right man for myself but I always picked a man that made me laugh, for many women it's the path to her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 1, 2023 Share Posted March 1, 2023 Not a close call, dump this guy. We don't stay with people because "we love and care" about them. We can friends and do that. You stay because the relationship brings you joy and because you see great compatibilities. I would definitely not stay with a homebody. That's huge. Him not being able to go with your game ideas, red flag, relationship stopper right there. He's stuck in his own world. Dump him. What's taking so long? Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 It looks like he has checked out of the relationship already. Maybe he is depressed but based on what you are saying, he is not even trying to put any effort into the relationship. 8 hours ago, throwawayacct3040 said: Appreciation is how often I would try to make plans and he would literally say "It's not worth it" He tells you that you are not worthy enough to make plans for? Oh, wow. Don't know what to say. This is beyond just being incompatible. I don't think he sees a future with you. Sounds like he is just going through the motions. Or maybe he was never all in and that's why he is acting this way. He doesn't even like you, nevermind loving you. 9 hours ago, throwawayacct3040 said: he would push me off or say "okay that's enough" if I tried to cuddle or hug I don't know how louder he can let you know he is mot into you. Just wow. Look at the bright side. You are young and adventurous. There are probably more guys out there who would be more compatible with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 14 hours ago, throwawayacct3040 said: We had issues in the past where it ended with us breaking up for around a week. Issues mostly included him not being affectionate or appreciative enough towards me. Sorry this is happening. On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. You may be better off setting yourselves free than trying to make this work. You've been together long enough to realize it's just not working out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 He's not 100% in this relationship and now neither are you it seems like. You are not compatible in many areas. Doesn't sound there is any future here hun. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 Hard to see why you got together in the first place. I think what you’re experiencing is attachment more than love. Cut your losses - it’s time to end things. Nobody’s fault really, just incompatible. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 This is why we date...to see if how we get along and how we enhance each other's lives fully...being on the same wavelength, where expectations are fulfilled, no struggles. You should have ended it ages ago, not make him improve for you. It's the way he is as a person, it's his personality. He's not the one for you, and IMO you have been missing out on finding the right person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 If you're certain you won't be happy with him, perhaps the sunk cost fallacy is in play? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 This relationship has run its course. You are way too young- mid 20s- to be wasting your time in a dull, unhappy relationship where you don't see a future. End this now and don't waste any more of your time. We grow and change so much in our 20s, there's no way you will be the same person at 30 that you were at 22. As we mature and grow we leave relationships behind that no longer work for us. Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 wow yeah you guys don't even like each other from what it sounds like. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 Honestly, I think you already know what the answer is. If you're feeling bored with your relationship (and I don't blame you at all, I'd feel bored with someone like that too!) after 2.5 years together in your mid-20s and no kids/mortgage, it's not going to get better in the future. It's possible to love and care for a person, but to also understand that it won't work because you're just not compatible long-term as a couple. It sounds like that's where you're at. Please do yourself a favour and leave. When you're in your 30s or beyond, you'll look back at this and be SO GLAD that you called it quits instead of struggling along and possibly even getting married, only to get divorced within a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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