Jump to content

How do I avoid being his rebound?


Recommended Posts

On 5/2/2023 at 12:41 PM, Gb85 said:

What, because he continued sexual involvement with me and talking to me almost daily for 5 years, I was crazy to think he’d want to be with me? And what’s so bad about being honest with his wife when no one else would?

Because you didn’t do it for her, you did it for yourself, thinking he’d leave to be with you…so many times this is repeated…’oh I want his wife to know the truth’…claptrap…nothing of the sort

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, you’re right. I did it primarily for me. It was clear he was going to cling onto “loving” her because he’s delusional and unable to see that if you “love” your spouse, then you don’t voluntarily choose to go work in another country just to get rich while your wife and son beg you not to go… nor do you cheat with another woman repeatedly once you’re there. This part creeps me out- it’s like I’d feel better if he just kept rationalizing his actions as their marriage was already on the out, rather than saying he “loves” her, bc who wants to be loved like that? Clearly not her when she filed for divorce 

Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, Gb85 said:

nor do you cheat with another woman repeatedly once you’re there. This part creeps me out-

You let him do this though.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, JTSW said:

You let him do this though.

Sure. But I only entered into it in first place after he lied about being separated. I guess it’s concerning that I’d even want to be with someone who thinks this is what you do with a wife you “love”

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Gb85 said:

Sure. But I only entered into it in first place after he lied about being separated. I guess it’s concerning that I’d even want to be with someone who thinks this is what you do with a wife you “love”

Your behaviour has certainly been very questionable.

Nothing justifies that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly
3 hours ago, Gb85 said:

It was clear he was going to cling onto “loving” her because he’s delusional

Pot, meet kettle. 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Pot, meet kettle. 

 

Well yes. I feel we have similar flaws and disordered thinking and that’s part of why we are a good match

Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly
1 minute ago, Gb85 said:

Well yes. I feel we have similar flaws and disordered thinking and that’s part of why we are a good match

He doesn't like you enough for that, girl. He doesn't want to be a match with you. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool
On 5/10/2023 at 6:59 AM, Gb85 said:

Yes, you’re right. I did it primarily for me. It was clear he was going to cling onto “loving” her because he’s delusional and unable to see that if you “love” your spouse, then you don’t voluntarily choose to go work in another country just to get rich while your wife and son beg you not to go… nor do you cheat with another woman repeatedly once you’re there. This part creeps me out- it’s like I’d feel better if he just kept rationalizing his actions as their marriage was already on the out, rather than saying he “loves” her, bc who wants to be loved like that? Clearly not her when she filed for divorce 

Well now that his wife has filed for divorce he's probably obsessed with getting her back and you unknowingly put her at the top of his mind.  I can't believe you were so desperate for a man who won't even kiss you.  You are correct that he was just using you for sex while away from home; but you've admitted that you wanted him and still do.  Fair exchange is not robbery.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Many men cheat when they work away from home. Some fall in love with the other woman, some don’t. 
Yours apparently didn’t, or not enough to leave his marriage, and I’m sorry you’re hurting.

However, you should’ve put a stop to this relationship as soon as he treated your child poorly; there’s never an excuse for that, and how you can look beyond that and still think you want this guy in your life is utterly strange to me. Not only did he treat you poorly, he wasn’t nice to your daughter! That’s unacceptable. And should be unacceptable to any parent when dating.

Even if he ends up divorced, you can never be with this guy. For your daughter’s sake. He sounds like a nutjob and like a miserable, cold hearted and emotionally unwell person. Stay away! Be better than that!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

For years a man was having an affair with me. He knows I’m honest and had told another woman in the past when her hubby asked me out. I sent his wife proof of our affair & she divorced him, so obviously he was furious at me (duh), & he said he never wanted to see me again & that he’d block me & I shouldn’t message him. So I ignored him and went about my life. 

Within a few hours he’s like “oh I can see you as friends after this divorce is finalized” and now keeps trying to talk to me as we always did. What is going on?!

Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, Mm2285 said:

. I sent his wife proof of our affair & she divorced him, so obviously he was furious at me.

Within a few hours he’s like “oh I can see you as friends after this divorce is finalized” and now keeps trying to talk to me as we always did. What is going on?!

Are you hoping to continue seeing him? You could block him if not.

Is this the same man?:

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes, I’m hoping to continue seeing him. He knows I love him. No, not same man from my prior thread. This guy has been jealous over that threads guy 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So you're seeing 2 married men?

I mean that guy from the other thread’s wife filed for divorce the same week we met. The other one’s wife filed after I exposed the affair which is why I think it’s interesting he wants to message me now-after being so mad

Link to post
Share on other sites
mark clemson

I find this timeline and "who's who" rather confusing. I guess, hypothetically, IF the guy actually fully divorces maybe you can have an open relationship with him. If he turns out to amenable to it. Not sure you'd need online strangers to tell you that that's a possibility, though. How likely it is to work out for you is IMO anyone's guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Mm2285 said:

He knows I’m honest and had told another woman in the past when her hubby asked me out. I sent his wife proof of our affair & she divorced him

Well, not that honest if you were having an affair with a married man for years…

Does the fact that he is still talking to you mean that there is any chance he will chose to be in a relationship with you… I don’t know. I suppose only time will tell, you may get your “prize” just yet. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23

I see a man who probably wants to light the fires again with good sex.  Nothing more.  Buyer Beware.......

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

He wants to have sex--that's what's going on. 

Ok great… once I have him there I’m very persuasive …

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon

Hold on: I am not recommending that. This guy has made you miserable. Having sex won't change that. You'll still be miserable with him. He hasn't changed. 

What's blocking you from dating unmarried people?

You can't trust him after a divorce. It takes sometimes years for people to settle down and clear their minds after divorce. Usually the quicker they get involved, the more casual it is--and casual is where it stands. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
56 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Hold on: I am not recommending that. This guy has made you miserable. Having sex won't change that. You'll still be miserable with him. He hasn't changed. 

What's blocking you from dating unmarried people?

You can't trust him after a divorce. It takes sometimes years for people to settle down and clear their minds after divorce. Usually the quicker they get involved, the more casual it is--and casual is where it stands. 

Oh the one I want is the one who chose to cheat on his wife w me for 5 years. He’d already moved away from his family for most of the time though yes was saying their marriage still totally intact until she found out stuff from me. And it took a few times bc the first ones, he told her lies about whatever I said and she didn’t leave him

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this also you?    Similar name and nearly identical story.

 

 

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed link
  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What exactly are you looking for OP?

Confirmation that he still wants you?

You told his wife as a means to get him to yourself, thus also causing issues with access to his son.

I'm honestly surprised he even wants to be friends with you.

Why do you have multiple accounts?

You're not fooling anyone.

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...