5 Months Later and I Still Can't Get Over Him

[Jeannie]

I've poured my heart out on here - thought I had survived my heartbreak but I don't know what's happening lately.

 

I can't stop thinking about my ex - I've done everything to try and forget him but I still love him (or maybe I love what once was). It's been 4 1/2 months of NC and instead of it getting easier - it's getting worse.

 

I can't stop thinking about him, I wake up in the morning with my heart racing thinking I've screwed up and let him get away from me. I want to call him or contact him but I don't.

 

If you're doing NC and you really, really want your ex back - what the hell do you do? All judgement seems clouded now and all I can think of are ways to get him back.

 

I'm way too scared to call him, I'm scared of rejection. What if I mailed him a card telling him I still loved him?

 

How do you get over these moments of excruciating pain? I feel worse and worse as the weeks go by. I can't recover from my broken heart. All I do is obsess over him and pray that he comes back.

[Lishy]

Tell him

 

Dont sit getting so upset and not knowing what to do. Call him if you can get the courage but if not mail him - You need to tell him how you feel and maybe if you do and he rejects it you will be able to move on and if he goes for it then wayhayyyyyy you have him back.

 

But do you really want him back or do you just want what you cant have. Think hard before you make a choice.

 

Whatever you decide to do i wish you luck - Let us know how it goes hon

[jomaxfury]

Jeannie,

You'll never know until you try;)

[Jeannie]

The problem is - he broke up with me and has made no effort to contact me.

 

We broke up once before and it lasted 4 months (I broke up with him) then he showed up on my doorstep wanting to reconcile. He did some things that really hurt me that's why I broke up with him. When we got back together it lasted 8 months but I was resentful.

 

We lost our connection at the end and we were holding on to alot of resentment and anger. He wanted to be married and wanted me to be the wife who took care of him - yet he refused to meet my needs. So we just kept butting heads and fighting.

 

Then this time he initiated the breakup.

 

Something tells me it would be a huge mistake if I contacted him - he'd humiliate me and get an ego power trip off me wanting him back (he's like this). I can't let myself be rejected and humiliated or it will just start the grieving process all over again and make me feel worse about myself.

 

Maybe I do want what I can't have. As many times as we broke up and got back together - I actually thought we'd somehow get our act together and make it work eventually - I didn't think he'd finally give up.

 

Maybe it is the fact I can't have him - I want him more now. I also think my mind is just messing with me and I'm making him out to be much bigger than he ever was.

 

Ugh, I'm doing too much thinking.......that's the problem. I need to clear my mind of him and just keep improving myself to look better and regain my self esteem. When I forget about him he'll probably come back - like last time.

[brittanyjean259]

dont worry.....i feel your pain....its been 3 months for me,,,and i he rebounded( witch is even harder)...he chose her over me........and at school i found out he was moving...and my heart just droped and i balled....the air felt so werid and i felt like my life was over........woke up in the middle of the night with the worst ach and cried .......its so hard.......i know....and it only gets worse b4 it gets better.......

 

how did you guys break up?....man i know its cruciating so crucial you just sometimes dont feel like getting out of bed.......and sometimes makes you feel like you cant breath....

 

if the man wants you...he will come get you....if not just lay low right now.......youve done 4 months of nc??? sersiouly good for you..i broke after 3......like the idiot that i am but i just couldent help it......good job though

[brittanyjean259]

ohhh he broke up with you...

 

sorry didnt read that....than dont contact him....and when he comes back....you dont need him....honestly you dont....you need to move on to the next best thing...and b4 that you gota go through pain( wish i could easily tell my self that)......my mom thinks im over rating my ex....but you just cant help it...its so hard....because at times your like.....im fine, im moving on....

 

than at times it hits you so hard and your like ahhhhhhhh

 

 

 

but he intiated it,its your job to move on...make new friends...get in to actividies

[JohnJohn]

Jeannie - I think you know what to do. That is simply follow the same advice you gave all of us on the other thread. To quote some of the things you said:

 

It sounds to me like alot of you simply have not accepted the fact it's truly over with your ex's. As long as all of you pine and hold out that "maybe" there's still a chance - none of you are ever gonna get over it.

 

You read all of my posts a while back and let me tell you - the key is accepting it's over. YOU gotta get it in your head that it's over and you must move on with your life.

 

I was stuck in the wishful thinking rut like all of you - actually what cured me was driving by my ex's house and seeing that tree we planted together chopped down. I needed something to make me snap out of it and accept the fact it's over. All of you need to do the same.

 

I'm doing great - I'm singing to music, getting my hair and nails done, buying new clothes and looking forward to what's around the next corner. Accepting the fact that no matter now much I think I still love my ex - it's been 4 months now and it's over!

 

Once you get to this point it's like a hugh sigh of relief - you're no longer consumed and you start getting back to your normal life.

 

Stop dwelling on these people and giving them so much power and control. When you start thinking about them the only way you're gonna stop is if you learn to take control of your thoughts and mind. Tell yourself STOP!

 

Dwelling and reminiscing and pining over your ex is like being sucked into the depths of hell. Don't go there and don't let yourself start up with the mind control.

 

I've gone thru it all same as all of you. I get up and out of the house - I work out, I paint and draw, listen to music, have lunch with friends (Thank god for my girlfriends) and I am enjoying more time with my son. For once in the past two years I'm not on a emotional roller coaster like I was with him.

 

I really don't care anymore!!!!

 

What happened? I thought you were cured? Accept it's over like you said. Here's all the advice you need right here and it came right from you. Look within and you'll find the answers. Best wishes and hold tight to NC.

[brittanyjean259]

hmmm.....from reading other peoples post....maybe you should call......but call and think to your self" hes not gona watn me back......" so you dont give your hopes up...and than from there you can move on...it will be hard though:-(

[Jeannie]

Well JJ I think you and everyone else still wouldn't be on here posting if we all were cured. Like everyone else it comes and goes - you think you're on the road to recovery then WHAM!

 

It's not easy to take my own advice and like everyone else on here who pours their heart out and gives great advice to others only to relapse themselves. I've read your posts and you do it too.

 

It's better posting on here than calling him that's for sure! But damn it sure isn't easy when you still love that person.

 

I've re-read "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" and the advice is simply to never call, give yourself time and get over him. I'm trying - but then these relapses hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Yep, I know what to do and that is to NOT CALL. Sometimes it just helps to have some people pat me on the back and tell me "good job, keep moving forward".

[JohnJohn]

Well JJ I think you and everyone else still wouldn't be on here posting if we all were cured. Like everyone else it comes and goes - you think you're on the road to recovery then WHAM!

 

It's not easy to take my own advice and like everyone else on here who pours their heart out and gives great advice to others only to relapse themselves. I've read your posts and you do it too.

 

I meant my last post in a good way. I didn't intend for you to get defensive.

 

Having relapses is normal. I never said I didn't as well. But I've never claimed to be "cured" either. That wasn't my point. I was just simply making a point that you gave good advice and should heed it because it is good.

[chocolate_boy]

Well JJ I think you and everyone else still wouldn't be on here posting if we all were cured. Like everyone else it comes and goes - you think you're on the road to recovery then WHAM!

 

It's not easy to take my own advice and like everyone else on here who pours their heart out and gives great advice to others only to relapse themselves. I've read your posts and you do it too.

 

It's better posting on here than calling him that's for sure! But damn it sure isn't easy when you still love that person.

 

I've re-read "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" and the advice is simply to never call, give yourself time and get over him. I'm trying - but then these relapses hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Yep, I know what to do and that is to NOT CALL. Sometimes it just helps to have some people pat me on the back and tell me "good job, keep moving forward".

 

You know what worked best for me.. delete their number from your phone, if you want back up... do as I did... write the number down, and take it somewhere you need to make an effort to get at it.. your folks place or something. This stops those moments when you want to call as by the time you have the number you will have hopefully forgotten about it.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago, i too was holding onto fasle hope that we might get back together. No one cheated, wasn't abusive... I just think in reality I wasn't THAT into her, I knew deep down I probably wasn't quite in love with her 100%, we were only together 9 months and I still had issues from my last relationship, which ended 3 years ago! But we went through a bad weekend where I was a bit selfish to her, but rather than talk about it, she broke up with me, then acted cold as hell to me when I tried to fix it.

 

Fact, we're human, we make mistakes, if someone is not mature or in-love with you enough to sort out problems and come out the other side a stronger couple, THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR PAIN

 

Still doesn't stop this hurting like hell though, I was investing a lot of feelings and emotions into this new relationship (as it was my first one since 2002).

 

She emailed me two weeks ago asking for "coffee" so we met, then since I have offered some lunch and she has not replied to me in almost a week now. It feels like ****. NC is the ULTIMATE way to fix my situation, and yours I feel.

 

I have found out of a friend of mine, my ex is out partying every night and is now sort of seeing someone else, that was all I needed to know, I will not see her or talk to her again now. This was my equivelant of your tree.

I'm going through depression etc. and turning down other girls and she's out doing that, and doesn't seem bothered at all, infact a friend told me "she looks really happy at the moment".

 

So **** her. If she does reply to my lunch invitation, i'm gonna level with her and explain i only wanted to meet because I thought we could sort out our problems and maybe salvage something.. but now I've realised that's not I want, thanks for the memories and bye.

 

Now the healing begins...

[brittanyjean259]

ouch, even though im at my worst in life right now...and it is my worst truama experience....i do beleive things change...and the pain eventually goes away experiencing it at such a young age that i am( i hope betters me in the future)...if i can get through this...i can get through anything....and my dream is to be a strong woman( when i become one lol)...its hard to feel like alot of people go through this...

 

because at the time your around people who arent going through it...and for you who just posted...she new one of your friends was around....of course she is going to act all happy.....in my case i dont get to show that any more....because he and his new gf are moving...and i feel like hes dead...

 

its painful beleive me i know...so painful that i could honestly lay in bed comfortably painful ......but "this too shall pass"...well it better and it better hurry up because i dont know how much more i can take:-x haaaa

[JohnJohn]

She emailed me two weeks ago asking for "coffee" so we met, then since I have offered some lunch and she has not replied to me in almost a week now. It feels like ****. NC is the ULTIMATE way to fix my situation, and yours I feel. So **** her. If she does reply to my lunch invitation, i'm gonna level with her and explain i only wanted to meet because I thought we could sort out our problems and maybe salvage something.. but now I've realised that's not I want, thanks for the memories and bye. Now the healing begins...

 

I think you're doing the right thing. I'm just curious as to what you all discussed, if anything, about your relationship during the coffee meeting?

I know you mentioned possbly wanting to salvage something but did you get the sense from that meeting that she really felt the same?

[smile95]

jeannie-don't you dare call him....no one on here knows your whole story and are giveing advice for you to call him and tell him! DO NOT! Unless you already have........I know your story and that man does not deserve you. Reread your 1st post.... a lot of your pain is caused bythe way you are talking to yourself listen.........

 

How do you get over these moments of excruciating pain? I feel worse and worse as the weeks go by. I can't recover from my broken heart. All I do is obsess over him and pray that he comes back.

 

Remember the tree cutting????What does that say! You will just be more hurt if you call that man! Make us proud! PLEEEEASE.

[Still_In_Love]

Hey Jeannie,

 

Everyone here knows how tough it is! my ex-gf dumped me two months ago today! I was devastated and thought I could never be the same again. She took everything from me...love, passion, enjoyment, Etc!!

I read many people's advise and followed what they said...NC...no matter how tempted you feel because you're having a tough time...don't call...you WILL get better. You have demonstrated it already and we all have those days. I have to work once a week with my ex-gf and I didn't know how I was going to be. I just give her lots of room and I avoid here at all cost. Last night it bugged me a bit but I just made sure I looked after ME!!

You are no longer fighting to save a broken relationship, you are fighting for self respect and your own dignity! No one can take that away from you except yourself!

Keep fighting Jeannie, trust all who have been there, you WILL get better!!!

[smile95]

well said "still in love"

 

In the beginning, was it hard for you? Are you friends with her now?

[Still_In_Love]

well said "still in love"

 

In the beginning, was it hard for you? Are you friends with her now?

 

Beth,

 

I can honestly say that I have never been this hurt in my life. My ex-gf was everything to me. When she dumped me, she never gave me a true explanation, she made little excuses...what I found out was she wasn't faithful and had someone on the sidelines waiting.

As much as I am angry and hurt, I still love her and care, but I am not prepared to be friends. I found this site because I originally wanted advise on a second chance...I got it! I got a second chance to be me! To respect me and to love me first! I am not going to be anyones backup...if she falls, I will not be there to catch her!

[smile95]

good for you. I know how you feel. I still love my ex and care for him. I tried friends and failed miserably. So we are nothing now. He randomly sends text telling me he loves me but cannot give me what i need. So I am no longer waiting on him. I am trying so hard to move on and make ME happy for once. It is tough when we loved them, but I truly think that we have not experienced true love ....yet. Good for you for not letting her walk all over you. You deserve better. SOmeoe to love you back as much as you give.

 

I haved my ups and downs. One extreme to another, but I finally realized(with the help of people here) that I was just someone to keep on his "line". Someone he always could walk all over and say he loved me and I took him back. I am finally done with his game.

[Still_In_Love]

I haved my ups and downs. One extreme to another, but I finally realized(with the help of people here) that I was just someone to keep on his "line". Someone he always could walk all over and say he loved me and I took him back. I am finally done with his game.

 

It's so normal to have ups and downs! I miss all the things we did and all the things she promised me for the future. I still question little things...how do you tell a person how much they love you in the morning and dump you that night...no warning!!!

So a few weeks back, I wrote a letter to my ex-gf and told her straight up that I knew everything that has been going on, I told her that I was extremely hurt by her and I told her that I no longer exist as far as she was concerned. I have stayed true to that, I will not call, email, text, nothing! She is angry because she no longer has control of me. Her game was if things didn't work out, I was there to catch her. GAME, SET, MATCH!!

[bambi_4]

its been a year or more since my ex and i broke up, it still hurts at times and i done an awful lot of stupid stuff sine the break up that i regret . the main one is i didnt keep up nc and let him back in my life cause he only hurt me time and time again.

 

 

what i'll say next people will kill me over but people seldom change, especially when it comes to relationships. they might have the best of intensions to do so but the outcome is more or less the same. i have changed alot over the last few years, much happier in myself, more outgoing etc but im still the same person to go out with e.g. i love an argument so if someone i was going out with couldnt put with that 2 years ago/ 5 years ago, despite all my changes they still couldnt handle it now.

 

 

my point is you said quiet a few negitive things about him, those problems will still b there unless your willing to over look them and make no comment and there is nothin to say there wouldnt b new problems after that.

 

so b very careful berfore u let someone back in that hurt u before, get out there and enjoy yourself, it takes time to move on and get over the pain but use this time to take care of yourself. look back at what has happened and find out what you have to learn from this experience.

 

 

another thing i regret is i didnt listen to the people on here and when i look back over my threads, the advice i got was spot on. you have to do your own thing and go through what your going through btu listen to what people have to say.

 

best of luck and keep your thoughts happy and look after number one for now.

 

hope this helps

[smile95]

bambi you sre so right...I gave not 1 or 2 2nd chances hoping for change, but 8-9! He always did the right things and was charming just until he had me again and back to him! That is why this time I am not falling for it. All breaking NC does is hurt me more and hinder my progress.

 

I take comfort in knowing that since he will neer change, he will never treat anyone any better than he did me.

[bambi_4]

probably true, one thing i always keep in mind is what my mum said to me once, "the person you marry, is the person u can put with their s**t, and they put up with yours". Para-phrased, not romantic but definately true.

 

 

if you know you cant put up with it and they wont change, enough is enough.

[chocolate_boy]

I think you're doing the right thing. I'm just curious as to what you all discussed, if anything, about your relationship during the coffee meeting?

I know you mentioned possbly wanting to salvage something but did you get the sense from that meeting that she really felt the same?

 

We didn't talk about the relationship at all, she just talked about uni, friends etc. I let her do most of the talking and cut it short after 40s mins saying i had to be somewhere.

[chocolate_boy]

sad fact is 95% of relationships end

[smile95]

sad fact is 95% of relationships end

 

 

is this true????????

 

wow that kinda makes me feel better!

 

I know people break up all the time, but somehow it seems like I am the only one who feels this way!