Caught feelings for work colleague

[yoot56]

So bit of background I feel is important, I have worked at this job for about 10 years now, she has been here for about 3 or so years, maybe longer, no feelings were there from the start.

We always got along fairly well prior to this but over the last month or two specifically, possibly 3 months we've both started joking around with each other a lot (I do tend to joke around with the other workers but nowhere near as much as I do with her) and from what I can gather she is the same with me too, we also both tend to look at each other a fair amount past normal co-worker communication looking we also talk on facebook.

The issue is she is currently seeing someone although last week (Thursday if I'm not mistaken) she was talking to another female worker (I was around for the conversation) and she mentioned that she "Didn't have a boyfriend because i'm going to dump him" as well as saying "Slap me if i go back to him" today, Wednesday she was having the discussion again with the female co-worker and she said she went back to him and again, I happened to be around for it to which I joked about  the whole slapping thing. 

She now claims that she actually likes him and I mentioned gaslighting but unsure if she took it seriously because to me, to go from wanting to dump someone to then suddenly claiming you like them makes me feel like there's emotional manipulation going on in her relationship since I've personally been in an emotionally abusive relationship myself I feel what I've seen is a sign of her getting emotionally abused but I don't know how to bring it up with her in a more serious manner.

We both also like mountain biking so one option could be to connect outside of work with that otherwise not really sure how to proceed on this short of just letting her make a possible messy mistake with dating decisions.

 

Edited March 8, 2023 by yoot56

[yoot56]

Oh I also just remembered that she made comment about deleting snapchat to get away from the dude though i don't know if she did that since I don't use snapchat

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, yoot56 said:

She now claims that she actually likes him and I mentioned gaslighting I don't know how to bring it up with her in a more serious manner.

We both also like mountain biking so one option could be to connect outside of work 

If you would like to be friends outside of work, invite her to go mountain biking. However don't bring up her relationship since she's not asking or confiding in you specifically. 

[ZA Dater]

I have been in your position before and my advice is to walk away, nothing good will come of this and it certainly did not for me, I was always second best, the guy she ran to when her bf simply did not give her any intellectual attention.

Have a fun office relationship but my advice would be to not try escalate it and also do not pin all your dating hopes on this office relationship.  In my case she broke up with her bf briefly, went one date with me and was back with her bf the next week.

Also decide how much drama you would like in the workplace.

[JTSW]

Don't get involved.

You have no idea what is really going on in their relationship.

You are just making assumptions.

keep your distance.

If you try to make moves, the only one who will end up disappointed here is you.

[ZA Dater]

18 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Don't get involved.

You have no idea what is really going on in their relationship.

You are just making assumptions.

keep your distance.

If you try to make moves, the only one who will end up disappointed here is you.

This is VERY good advice and in my experience every word is the truth.