Kassieee Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 When your (adult) kid confesses they've been struggling with an eating disorder, PTSD over being in a abusive relationship, along with other things for years. What's a normal way to respond to that? Surely ignoring isn't the way to go? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 I don't have children but if I did I would offer to take them to the doctor for a physical check up and to see a therapist. I would offer a room in my home for them to leave an abusive relationship. I imagine if this child has been offered help from their parents previously and wouldn't take it, the parents may not think they are serious and ignore them. Why? What do you think the parents should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 8, 2023 Author Share Posted March 8, 2023 (edited) Also. why would a parent completely ignore them after telling them this? And not offer any help. The parent saw the black eye, asked about it...person responded with "it's not a black eye". And it's dropped. And by ignore I mean, just that....not talk to them. Literally turn their back when in the same room. Edited March 8, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 Why do you think they're ignoring? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 54 minutes ago, justaskingok said: Also. why would a parent completely ignore them after telling them this? And not offer any help. The parent saw the black eye, asked about it...person responded with "it's not a black eye". And it's dropped. And by ignore I mean, just that....not talk to them. Literally turn their back when in the same room. Is the parent used to seeing this person with black eyes, cuts and bruises from abuse? If so, that is probably why they ignored it because unfortunately they're used to it and feel that their efforts to help that person are in vain because they keep going back to the abuser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 1 hour ago, justaskingok said: The parent saw the black eye, asked about it...person responded with "it's not a black eye". And it's dropped. What do you suggest the parents should do? Their child is an adult. If this adult person does not want to share the circumstances around how they got a black eye, that is their choice. The parent may ignore this adult child because they can't think of any other way to deal with it. It's very difficult having adult children who are in self destructive patterns like abusive relationships or addictions that they are not ready to address. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 8, 2023 Author Share Posted March 8, 2023 (edited) I should add. With these issues, it was the first time ever spoken about. The only time anything was obvious, was the black eye, that's it. Person told their parent about the past abuse with ex, and eating disorder, mental health issues and the parent just went cold on them. Doesn't try to have normal conversation after that. Just avoidant. They don't have a close relationship where feelings are spoken about. Also this parent watched their dad physically abuse them as a kid for things like not being able to understand school work fast enough, falling off the bike and cutting their leg, very low patience. By abuse I mean being slapped around till bruises on side cheek/ temple area. Sleeping in cars at 5, 6 years old. Edited March 8, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 8, 2023 Share Posted March 8, 2023 So you're the adult child, right? I'm so sorry that this is your history. Given your update that you came from an abusive childhood, it stands to reason that the parents won't suddenly start caring. And if bruises and mental health aren't cared for as a child, then nothing is going to change when that child becomes an adult. I would say that you need a lot of therapy. Not just to unpack how bad your past was, but also how to leave the toxic parents behind and to start working on your current issues so that you can be healthy and safe again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 9, 2023 Share Posted March 9, 2023 The adult child must advocate for herself/himself. Get into therapy and cut off family members that are toxic. Hopefully, family members will come through and make it right and leave their toxic behavior behind. Even if it's a decade or so later. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2023 Share Posted March 9, 2023 17 hours ago, justaskingok said: The only time anything was obvious, was the black eye, that's it. Person told their parent about the past abuse with ex, and eating disorder, mental health issues and the parent just went cold on them. Are you still with this guy? 18 hours ago, justaskingok said: The parent saw the black eye, asked about it...person responded with "it's not a black eye". And it's dropped. And by ignore I mean, just that....not talk to them. Literally turn their back when in the same room. Could it be that your mother has also been physically abused by your father and thinks that abuse is normal in relationships, so that's why she didn't react? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 9, 2023 Author Share Posted March 9, 2023 15 hours ago, Alpacalia said: The adult child must advocate for herself/himself. Get into therapy and cut off family members that are toxic. Hopefully, family members will come through and make it right and leave their toxic behavior behind. Even if it's a decade or so later. Some people should not have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2023 Share Posted March 9, 2023 2 hours ago, justaskingok said: Some people should not have kids. I agree. They may not know how bad a parent they are until after they have children and then realize they are not cut out for it. It's terrible for the child but once that child grows up they have the choice to keep their distance from parents like that for their own sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2023 Share Posted March 9, 2023 23 hours ago, justaskingok said: The parent saw the black eye, asked about it...person responded with "it's not a black eye". And it's dropped. Why shouldn't the parent believe their grown child when they say "it's not a black eye""? That would be calling that child a liar. What should they say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 9, 2023 Author Share Posted March 9, 2023 The no talking is so bizzare. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2023 Share Posted March 9, 2023 27 minutes ago, justaskingok said: The no talking is so bizzare. What is it you want them to say? Why not talk to them and open up the conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 11, 2023 Author Share Posted March 11, 2023 Therapy won't help I need a whole new brain transplant. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 11, 2023 Share Posted March 11, 2023 I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say the parent has an abusive background and their way of coping with abuse is to bury their head in the sand and ignore it. I would strongly advise the child of this parent not to seek advice or support from them because it's tremendously difficult to come face to face with the fact of a parent who can't support you emotionally. Disengage from the parent and focus on dealing with the abuse by your partner/spouse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 11, 2023 Share Posted March 11, 2023 (edited) On 3/9/2023 at 8:40 AM, justaskingok said: Some people should not have kids. I'm finding it challenging to comprehend your meaning when you speak broadly. Can you please provide more specific information or details to help me better understand your message? The conversation appears to be ambiguous and complex to follow. Supporting someone with difficult issues can be a challenge, and the parents may not know how to express themselves or offer help. Reaching out and expressing feelings can help open up a conversation. Every parent reacts differently, and while some may react angrily by seeing their adult child with a bruised eye, others may instead want to provide a safe space and avoid pushing them away in shame. If there is no parental support, then take a step back (yes, it can be hard to take a step back from those who have been a part of your life for so long), and prioritize well-being and safety. That means establishing a safe distance from parents who are not able to provide support or are actively causing harm. Edited March 11, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) On 3/10/2023 at 8:03 PM, justaskingok said: Therapy won't help I need a whole new brain transplant. What steps did you take to receive a diagnosis of PTSD if you have not consulted with a therapist? Do you have another support system in place? Find activities that you enjoy and make time for them. These can really help with managing symptoms. Edited March 21, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted March 22, 2023 Author Share Posted March 22, 2023 19 hours ago, Alpacalia said: What steps did you take to receive a diagnosis of PTSD if you have not consulted with a therapist? Do you have another support system in place? Find activities that you enjoy and make time for them. These can really help with managing symptoms. I cringe at this post. I sooo regret telling my mom this, im embarrassed. What triggered this post was she playfully hit me, she hit me hard though, i lost it. I think I had a moment of insanity otherwise I wouldn't have said anything. Plus I had been puking my brains out, head was completely foggy. What do you mean by support system? Professionals, family, friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted March 22, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted March 22, 2023 Thread locked at OP's request Link to post Share on other sites
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