Always feeling like people are mad at me, why?

[Kassieee]

And Constantly feeling like I say the wrong thing. Does anyone relate to this lol?

 

How to stop being paranoid? 

Or not care.

Edited March 10, 2023 by justaskingok

[basil67]

I haven't felt like people are always mad at me, but I have in the past recognised that I could put in extra effort in thinking before I speak.   And I'm much happier now that I do this

Is this something you think you can improve on?

Edited March 10, 2023 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

My guy does. I say, "no baby, I still love your stinky butt."

This insidious, self-sabotaging habit.

You can't always control the way you react in a situation. A helpful way to cope with this kind of self-sabotaging behavior is to practice mindfulness and keep focused on the present moment so that miscommunications don't snowball into larger issues.

It's much less stressful to assume that a person's intentions are good and go from there.

Edited March 11, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Kassieee]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

My guy does. I say, "no baby, I still love your stinky butt."

Whew it's not easy being a person who over thinks and over analyzes everything.

 

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I haven't felt like people are always mad at me, but I have in the past recognised that I could put in extra effort in thinking before I speak.   And I'm much happier now that I do this

Is this something you think you can improve on?

I can't think before I talk all the time though especially in a back and forth convo. Sometimes.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And Constantly feeling like I say the wrong thing. 

Clarity in communication is an asset. So say what you mean and mean what you say, always focusing on tact and diplomacy. Avoid dramatic, very controversial topics or hyperbolic speech. Avoid netspeak or too much slang and things that could easily be misunderstood and misinterpreted. Keep the focus on clear communication and avoid attention seeking patterns. 

Edited March 11, 2023 by Wiseman2

[basil67]

17 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I can't think before I talk all the time though especially in a back and forth convo. Sometimes.

No, you can't think before you talk all the time, but you can broadly think about how you want others to perceive you....and try to incorporate that mindset into your words.

For instance, I learned to keep negative opinions to myself.  I learned to not make jokes at other people's expense.  I learned to not say anything unpleasant about 3rd parties. I learned to focus more on the other person.   I also looked at those who I enjoyed speaking with and took some of what makes them pleasant to be around onboard.

That said, with my trusted bestie of 20 years, we are much more honest about things which annoy us.  But even when she vents, if I thinks she's over reacting, I still just listen and support rather than hit her with the logical stick

Also, I just noticed that  @Wiseman2 has summed up the changes I've made using different words.  Tact and diplomacy pretty much sums up what I've taken onboard

[Kassieee]

On 3/11/2023 at 3:36 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Clarity in communication is an asset. So say what you mean and mean what you say, always focusing on tact and diplomacy. Avoid dramatic, very controversial topics or hyperbolic speech. Avoid netspeak or too much slang and things that could easily be misunderstood and misinterpreted. Keep the focus on clear communication and avoid attention seeking patterns. 

Alright so I just came back from this gathering. Took a shower now I'm overthinking. Need some insight. I used some of the tactics advised on here.

I was thinking before I spoke, it kind of made me stutter LOL. Like I thought so hard about what I was going to say and I totally stumbled on my words. I planned my conversation and messed that up too. 

I was so serious with my convos I think I brought down the mood. All these people just laughing away and I'm just there serious just smiling like a weirdo. But then when I'm myself laughing, I feel like people are judging me.

 

Edited March 19, 2023 by justaskingok

[Kassieee]

I also think I'm boring.

Idk I feel like I have very high expectations for myself. Like pressure to make people feel good when they talk to me or something?

[Alpacalia]

You're overthinking, which is leading to self-sabotage and potentially creating inaccurate scenarios. You're creating stories.

The best thing you can do is to focus on the facts and try to be mindful of your thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't have to know the entire story right now and that it's ok to take things one day at a time.

[Kassieee]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You're overthinking, which is leading to self-sabotage and potentially creating inaccurate scenarios. You're creating stories.

The best thing you can do is to focus on the facts and try to be mindful of your thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't have to know the entire story right now and that it's ok to take things one day at a time.

I went to this party where this girl was very social and bubbly, people thought she was very annoying- just couldnt stand her. I thought she was cute and fun. But then if you're quiet and shy, people think you're annoying too?

You can't win. 

[Kassieee]

22 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I went to this party where this girl was very social and bubbly, people thought she was very annoying- just couldnt stand her. I thought she was cute and fun. But then if you're quiet and shy, people think you're annoying too?

You can't win. 

Note to self. Yeah, not everyone is not going to like you. That's nothing new. That's a fact for everyone not just you.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I went to this party where this girl was very social and bubbly, people thought she was very annoying- just couldnt stand her. I thought she was cute and fun. But then if you're quiet and shy, people think you're annoying too?

You can't win. 

Sorry to burst your bubble, but you can't please everyone. It's like trying to convince a cat to take a bath - it's not gonna happen.

People will always have different opinions and tastes. Not everyone will be drawn to everyone, and that's perfectly alright.

It's what makes us unique and allows us to appreciate different perspectives.

 

 

[basil67]

On 3/19/2023 at 3:25 PM, justaskingok said:

I went to this party where this girl was very social and bubbly, people thought she was very annoying- just couldnt stand her. I thought she was cute and fun. But then if you're quiet and shy, people think you're annoying too?

You can't win. 

You missed the fact that not everyone thought the bubbly girl was annoying -  because YOU thought she was great company ❤️ 

It is just the same with quiet people.  Some won't bother with them but others will find their quietness a welcome change from all the blather.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

It's funny, if I think hard I can say dumb stuff. Usually I'm good with words, but every now and then something dumb just comes out.

Here's a tip that I have used. When someone is talking, you don't need to plan out detailed words of reply. Instead, pay attention to the overall feeling. Funny. Interesting. Like hearing that. I learned something. New to me. Now, these are the things you're saying to yourself (or thinking to yourself). Don't try to follow every word for now. Just get the interpretation right. She's being funny. Good story. 

And then say simple things ... that was funny ... great story ... that's crazy ... interesting ... Really people love to know others are on their emotional wavelength. 

Add some body awareness into your talking ... awareness that tells you something is funny ... interesting ... informative ... and just say those simple kinds of words. You'll be surprised. 

 

[Kassieee]

15 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

It's funny, if I think hard I can say dumb stuff. Usually I'm good with words, but every now and then something dumb just comes out.

Here's a tip that I have used. When someone is talking, you don't need to plan out detailed words of reply. Instead, pay attention to the overall feeling. Funny. Interesting. Like hearing that. I learned something. New to me. Now, these are the things you're saying to yourself (or thinking to yourself). Don't try to follow every word for now. Just get the interpretation right. She's being funny. Good story. 

And then say simple things ... that was funny ... great story ... that's crazy ... interesting ... Really people love to know others are on their emotional wavelength. 

Add some body awareness into your talking ... awareness that tells you something is funny ... interesting ... informative ... and just say those simple kinds of words. You'll be surprised. 

 

(bolded) reminds me of this girl i was talking to... she kept replying to me with..

"Woooooooooow" 😲 

"Woooow"  😮 

"Oh wooww" 

Very exaggerated

I thought she was just tuning me out because I wasn't even saying anything too interesting. Maybe she was just getting on my wave length.

 

Edited March 21, 2023 by justaskingok