Has Anyone Had This Problem?

[jadedalways645]

I always get good advice from this site so here goes...

 

I have been seeing this girl for about 6 months. We have the best time together and I can honestly say that I don't have more fun than when I am with her.

 

We met at party about six months ago. The first night we met, she tried to sleep with me but I refused because she was too drunk. So as the months go by, she is staying at my apartment, sleeping in my bed, basically being there every time I wake up. For 4 months, we were inseperable. She goes back to college and I am stuck here. I tell her I am getting feelings for her and she tells me that she is not ready for a relationship right now. So I respect her wishes and don't push the issue no more. This was 3 months ago when I told her. So anyway we continue hanging out all the time and I meet her family and her family adores me. They even offer to pay for me to go to college. I ask her that since we are not a couple, does that mean that we are free to date. She says yes. So I take her up on this.

 

So cut to last weekend and she comes to town and calls and asks what am I doing. Well I was out on a date with another girl and told her that I would see her tommorow. She says bye and hangs up. Well the next morning I go to a message board and there is this long post from her about me and from the tone of the message, it sounds like she is jealous. So I back off of the other girls (I really want to be with her). I go pick her up and we go to Ren Fest and on the way there I confront her about the post. She says that she pushes me away because she hasn't "found herself". So I take this as a copout and we hang out as friends. Well I go out with another girl after she goes back to school and she gets pissed and hangs up the phone. I have'nt heard from her in a week. And as you can guess I am totally confused.

 

I come from a VERY sordid past and she knows about it. Let's just say there was a lot of legal action. So anyway, I make an entire lifestyle change and I mean in everything that I do. I refuse to have sex with anyone anymore unless I am in a relationship, and in all honesty I think that it is becoming a problem. What I am getting from her is that she doesn't want to commit to me, yet she doesn't want me to commit to anyone else. And it is pissing me off.

 

Now I care about this girl a lot and I don't want to lose her. But also I am not a chump and I am not going to wait around forever waiting for her to make up her mind. I have many girls that like me a lot and want to date me. But I want her. So the question I am posing is do I continue waiting, or do I give up and take all the others up on their offers? I will provide more information if it is required.

[Mary3]

No . Do not wait for her.

 

Date whoever you want, when you want.

 

She is not clear about anything and you need to get on with your life.

[lindya]

Is there any way you could carry on at college without her family's assistance? I just wonder if your reliance on them could muddy the waters here - unless you're able to approach whichever family member is funding you in private, and discuss this matter without repercussions.

 

There are some women out there who will get quite proprietorial over their male friends, and resent them getting it on with other women. That doesn't mean those women are interested in having a committed romantic relationship with their male friends. It often just means that they like the status quo whereby the boy buddy will be there for them if and when they need him. To be honest, I've sensed such self-serving tendencies in myself - and I have to keep a close check on them so that I don't jeopardise male friends' relationships.

 

You're not the property of this girl. If she wants to post crap about you on message boards, there's little you can do about that. Don't let her refusal to curb her own selfish desires spoil your college years and your lovelife.