My ex bf told me he didn't have instagram. I found it today and what I saw made my stomach turn.

[Emotional_Pop93]

I broke up with my ex of two years about six weeks ago. There were three reasons.
1) Refused to say I love you 
2) Dead bedroom and wouldn’t fix it despite bringing it up 
3) Poor communication skills. 

Our whole relationship, he told me he didn’t use instagram. I found his account today.

He was technically telling the truth. The account had no posts or profile photo so he really “wasn’t using it”. The account only had his first name, but I knew it was him because he followed some of his friends and followed all the sandwich shops, coffee shops he liked. 

I saw that he followed a couple OnlyFans models. I looked at one of the account and after doing some digging, I found out she was an escort in our area. 

This sent my mind to dark places. He didn’t wanna get intimate with me anymore despite me trying. A few weeks before I broke up with him, I saw he had a kik account. I know he was using it too, because I saw it on the “recent apps used” on his iPhone. I never confronted him about this because I ended up breaking up with him a few weeks later. 
I wonder if he paid for her services. Whether if it’s physically or sexting, I’m completely disgusted. 

I know it doesn’t really matter anymore. We are done, but I am still upset because he lied about having an instagram account and we dated for 2 years. Finding out he was following local escorts in our area is disgusting. 

It made me realize that I don’t really know him at all.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Emotional_Pop93 said:

. Finding out he was following local escorts in our area is disgusting. 

You made the right call ending it. Since his sexual integrity is questionable, you'll need to get STD testing.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Delete and block him and all his people and sham accounts from all your social media and messaging apps. 

Try not to find reasons for his poor behavior. Just be glad you're free of it.

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like your gut was talking to you in breaking up with him, and you wisely listened. 

You sensed something was off and you were right. The silver lining here is that you know you can trust your instinct. I am sorry that you have discovered this, but at least you are rid of him. 

[stillafool]

Well now you have confirmation that you did the right thing by breaking up with him.  If you suspect he's been having sex with instagram models go to the doctor and get tested just to make sure you're clean.  

[Alpacalia]

Thank the gods that you dodged a big fat bullet.

 

[Weezy1973]

Good for you for breaking up with him. Even if it's clearly not working, breakups are hard, especially with a long term partner. That being said, I wouldn't read too much into his follows on Instragram or any other social media. And you're broken up now, so doesn't really matter does it?

[mortensorchid]

Well at least you did the right thing in breaking it off.  I can do better than that story though!  Barely a year after this guy broke it off with me (in a very abusive, immature way I might add) he rebounded and married another woman barely a year later.  How did I find out?  It was on the front page of a newspaper linked to the website of our favorite band!  And the whole adorable story of how they met was printed on the front page as well!  The marriage, BTW, last barely 3 years - she cheated on him left, right and sideways until she divorced him, married her lover who became husband #4, and 6 months later divorced husband #4.  But I digress...

You did the right thing in ending things, now you have proof as to how / why.  Hope you move on.

[ShyViolet]

You don't know for sure that he was actually seeing escorts.  That is speculation.  You knew that this relationship wasn't working for you, and you ended it.  Try to leave it in the past now and don't drive yourself crazy doing any more "detective work".  At this point it's not going to help you in any way, it will only drag you to an emotionally unhealthy place.

[JTSW]

I agree that it was just speculation about the escorts.

His account also wasn't in use.

But it no longer matters.

I will say though that if the intimacy was completely gone then he was likely getting it somewhere else.

[Lotsgoingon]

Congrats for breaking up with him. Yeah, I hear you on feeling like you didn't know him.

I do not say this to shame you or criticize you. I am sharing something I learned the hard way.

Your three reasons for breaking up with him:

1) Refused to say I love you 
2) Dead bedroom and wouldn’t fix it despite bringing it up 
3) Poor communication skills. 

Any one of these is worth breaking up with ... Certainly any two. And definitely all three. I am a guy and I wouldn't go past three months if someone can't say they love me. And that's not really true--really I wouldn't go past two months if the person can't say that to me if I'm feeling that for them.

You can dump guys earlier than you are. Your judgement at three months (again, even two months) is going to be pretty accurate of what you'll get and not get in the relationship.  Dump people like this sooner! Just #1 and #2 together--total red flags telling you to dump this guy early on.

And in fact, either #1 or #2 (just one of those) is worth quickly dumping someone. Sex doesn't really get better if it's pretty dead at the start.

 

 

Edited March 14, 2023 by Lotsgoingon