Himz Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 (edited) Need some support. I’m currently 8 months pregnant. My partner is amazing however he has a 23 year old daughter who ever since I have been with him has had an unbelievable attitude towards me. It’s not personal as she seems to be like it with everyone but I think it’s jealousy that I now live with him etc and we’re having our first child together. on top of this she lost her child at 6 months old suddenly out of nowhere which was just awful and I would not wish that on anybody so she’s still grieving etc and very obviously struggling that we are having a child when hers got taken away. however I still believe there’s no need to be so rude to me I get comments all the time such as I bet my dad got u birthday gifts he didn’t get me one, I bet he does this for u etc he doesn’t for me. She’s also expressed I bet I won’t be allowed to have the child on my own but my answer to this is u barely know me!! So until u start making an effort I’m not going to hand my child over like a prop. My partner does not agree with this he said it’s my daughter why wouldn’t she take care of her but I’ve said well no I don’t know her. She makes no effort whatsoever with us therefore I’m not doing that. If she starts coming to our house seeing the baby and bonding I’ll think about it. She did come to my baby shower which was a huge step considering what she went through however she didn’t say hello to me, didn’t bring a gift didn’t get involved then left without saying goodbye which quite personally I think was rude. It was so awkward in front of we everybody. My partner is not really having my back in the situation he said it will all come in time so won’t even talk about it. I feel selfish because it looks like I’m not understanding of it but I think there’s no need to be so rude to me.m have reached out to meet just us 2 and got nothing back. thought it’s best to point out she was like this when she had her baby obviously grief makes people angry but it takes 2 to make it work no?? I feel like I’m pandering to a 6 year old and she’s so intimidating it’s really not easy. I feel she only wants my child alone as a comfort for her own loss not as a sister but anytime I bring it up my partner completely shuts me down and won’t hear of it. I said I can support her, talk to her about her feeling as what she went was just awful but I’m not being spoke to like I’m a child it’s not only disrespectful to me but also her dad and he won’t put his foot down as he doesn’t want to upset her. Please help. Edited March 13, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator clarify title; paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 1 hour ago, Himz said: . My partner does not agree with this he said it’s my daughter why wouldn’t she take care of her but I’ve said well no I don’t know her. You don't have to let her babysit if you're uncomfortable or don't get along with her. Try to distance yourself from her and let your partner deal with her directly. Was the daughter problematic before her loss or your pregnancy? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 I really don't know why you're letting what you think she wants in regard to YOUR child bother you. That is your child and what you say goes. Simple as that. If you don't want her around your baby keep her away. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 (edited) Your partner is noticeably absent in all of this. This isn't going to get fixed without his participation. For what it's worth, I agree that he should have a say in who cares for his child. And I also agree that you shouldn't have to hand your child over to someone who's completely lacking in civility towards you. As your partner isn't going to step up and help the two of you smooth things over, perhaps the three of you go to family counselling and get this sorted out once and for all. Honestly, at this point, I'd insist on it. And if she won't go, then you need to do this with just your partner. Do you have any idea of the history behind her animosity? Your history tell us that you're similar ages and you got pregnant to her father quickly, so I can understand a certain amount of distrust from her towards you. But is there anything else going on? What's the history with his daughter's mother? How long have they been divorced for? Also, given his lack of stepping up to help solve this, is he really the right guy for you? Edited March 12, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 By the way it is worded, it seems like your partner doesn't see her rudeness toward you. You tried to reach out and clear the air between you, but she isn't having it. There's nothing left to do. Drop the rope. If she cant be civil and grown up then she has no place in your child's life. If your partner argues with you on that, tell him that the ball is in her court. If she wants a relationship with her new sibling then she needs to start treating you with respect. I know she has been through a very traumatic ordeal, but that doesn't mean she gets to treat everyone like s***. That's a good way to end up on her own with no family or friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 How old are you and your partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Cheeksoft Posted March 23, 2023 Share Posted March 23, 2023 Were you introduced in a nice way to her? And sure dont trust her around your kid. Why she not living on her own? Link to post Share on other sites
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