M M Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 I am 24 years old and have been engaged to my fiancée for the last two years. We started dating about five years ago when we were 19, and although she was my type then, she has since gained weight and doesn't take care of herself. She also lacks ambition, which is becoming a deal breaker for me. I work hard to provide for us, but I feel like she's not the woman I fell in love with. I've tried to encourage her to take care of herself in subtle ways, but I'm starting to resent her. Recently, I met someone else who matches the quality I have always wanted in a woman, but I'm not sure if I have a chance with her. I'm so tired of my current relationship that I feel it's worth the risk. Also, before we got engaged, she had already had alot of fun including having sex with like 3 sex partners which was also a deal-breaker because I hadn't had sex yet and was reserving my intimacy to someone that I am committed to. I'm looking for advice on what to do before committing myself into marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 You've got enough issues with the relationship to warrant ending it. At least you're not yet married. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, M M said: I met someone else who matches the quality I have always wanted in a woman, but I'm not sure if I have a chance with her. Is this an arranged marriage? You seem quite reluctant as well as not too fond of your GF. Do you live together? Since you're quite unhappy and have already set your sights elsewhere, try to end the relationship peacefully and respectfully. There's no point wasting her time or you being miserable, just to maintain a security blanket. Edited March 14, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Don't cheat. You're obviously not happy with her and it will only get worse if you marry her. End it first before getting involved with anyone else. Also, what do you know about this other woman? Would it be a deal breaker if she has had other sexual partners before you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 If you're not happy then leave. Waiting to see if you "have a chance with someone else" while still engaged to your fiancee is an extremely scummy move and frankly your post says more about you than it does about her. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 You've been with the same person since you were 19, and you are clearly not into this relationship anymore. You are way too young to sacrifice being happy for the rest of your life. There is a whole world out there are you have not experienced life. There is much more to life than being with one and only one person and never getting to know different people. You absolutely should not marry this woman. Break it off now rather than waste any more of her time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 You’re not attracted to your fiancé any more, why are you still there? If you loved her it wouldn’t matter if she gained weight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 You’re certainly entitled to not be attracted to your fiancée if she’s gained weight. I’d you’re feeling a connection with another woman and you’re not attracted to your fiancée anymore, it would be extremely unwise to get married. Call it off and get yourself settled into single life before you start dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 10 hours ago, MsJayne said: If you loved her it wouldn’t matter if she gained weight. This. You are being very judging OP. Since I met my husband a long time ago I have gained weight but he always says he loves me no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 Engaged for 2 years with no wedding date set is to me just going steady and not serious about marriage. Have you given her a ring yet? If not don't. The two of you are growing in different directions and are no longer compatible, If you ever were. Break up with her if you've found someone else you want to be with but tell her the truth so she doesn't have to hear it from others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M M Posted March 15, 2023 Author Share Posted March 15, 2023 Ok, feels good to get talk about it and hear from you guys. It's given me quite alot to think about and I'll hopefully make the right decision, being at this growth stage in life and having not explored what's out there will always leave me feeling like I missed out on alot of things being that I started dating early and started a business early, might be the reason I'm not content, I am grateful for all I have but I wouldn't want it to be vanity. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 By all means - don’t marry her. 19 is way too early to settle down with somebody these days. Also – your complaints about her, including her alleged lack of ambition, will definitely not get better over the years. You need to gain some experience, enjoy being single - don’t jump into the next relationship right away! That would be stupid. Focus on your business and your career and explore the world. Tell your GF the truth, don’t be cruel, and split amicably. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 On 3/14/2023 at 7:54 AM, M M said: she had already had alot of fun including having sex with like 3 sex partners which was also a deal-breaker because I hadn't had sex yet Clearly it was not a dealbreaker, or you wouldn't still be with her today. A dealbreaker means you stop dating that person. Regardless, it's obvious that you are not happy and have outgrown this relationship. So now is the time to stop dating her, and move on. Don't count on the new woman working out, because that could go any number of ways, but you do need to end the relationship. You two have grown too far apart and this has run its course. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2023 Share Posted March 17, 2023 (edited) I know how these things play out....you met this new person that gets your dopamine flowing...you want to convince yourself and us that you should leave your fiancé. So you go about picking flaws and things that you don't like. Just be honest with yourself. You want some more experience before you say I DO. This new girl is hot, and you want some strange. I get it, life is short to be stuck in marriage when something better comes along. Just man up and breakup. Go for what desires you want, but stop with the excuses and do it. Edited March 17, 2023 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 17, 2023 Share Posted March 17, 2023 If you are even asking this question, then the answer is yes, totally yes, break up the engagement. You are ready to be engaged when this question NEVER remotely pops up without an immediate reassurance in your own brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 On 3/13/2023 at 11:54 PM, M M said: She also lacks ambition, which is becoming a deal breaker for me. You’re not compatible regardless of what she looks like. I wouldn’t bother with the other woman so soon. Focus on what you see for yourself. If your partner can’t match that you’re not a good match. Link to post Share on other sites
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