ZA Dater Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 Firstly not too sure if this is the right sub forum to ask this question. Anyone here gone down this road and yes I realize there is a very fine line to this. I will admit its something I have tried in the past with generally poor experiences, anyone else made a concerted effort to try make "arrangements" actually work? The issues I have with them is poor value for money (yes I know I sound like a proper finance guy now) but honestly $300 to have coffee with someone and I asked myself what exactly the benefit was. Are these arrangements fundamentally geared toward those who have more money than they know what to do with or equally are they geared toward awkward people like me who would normally not be able to have coffee with a tall athletic brunette? The ladies who do this, what is the mindset really? I have tried to work it out a few times but never quite can, I suppose if you can emotionally remove yourself and just focus on the financial benefit then I suppose its ok, equally guys would you date someone who has this in their history? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 26 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: the support I am looking for is someone who actually cares rather than someone looking to fleece me on a per hour basis. If this is a concern of yours, "arrangement dating" doesn't seem like a good fit for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 15, 2023 Author Share Posted March 15, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If this is a concern of yours, "arrangement dating" doesn't seem like a good fit for you. Well that much is true, albeit if I have limited choice then the options diminish. Has anyone actually been able to make arrangements work in the dating sense? If anyone has been able to make it work did you feel it was a good experience or did it feel contrived? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 Hasn't this been explored, and dismissed by you, for dozens of pages already on this forum? Surely you can do a search. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 (edited) IF it was me (and it isn't and most likely won't ever be), I'd make sure that that a) whatever I was doing was legal and b) if I was spending $300, I'd better be getting a lot more than conversation over a cup of coffee out of it sooner or later. Maybe pick the right person for the "arrangement" so it goes in a way that's acceptable to you, although that's probably easier said than done. For better or worse, someone in an "arrangement" isn't likely to care overmuch for you emotionally, as that's simply not what arrangements are about. It's more a side gig for the person receiving gifts, I would presume, and no doubt gets treated exactly as such by them. Or straight up gold digging. I think this is simply barking up the wrong tree IF what you're looking for is genuine emotional connection and/or a relationship with someone you'll feel you can trust long term. Edited March 15, 2023 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 Are you talking about sex for money or are you talking about a matchmaker? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 15, 2023 Author Share Posted March 15, 2023 3 hours ago, BrinnM said: Are you talking about sex for money or are you talking about a matchmaker? No basically the idea where you spend time with someone and basically get them gifts/reward to spend time with you. I am interested if anyone has been able to get one of these arrangements to work in a satisfactory way and if so what were your expectations from the outset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 15, 2023 Author Share Posted March 15, 2023 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: IF it was me (and it isn't and most likely won't ever be), I'd make sure that that a) whatever I was doing was legal and b) if I was spending $300, I'd better be getting a lot more than conversation over a cup of coffee out of it sooner or later. Maybe pick the right person for the "arrangement" so it goes in a way that's acceptable to you, although that's probably easier said than done. For better or worse, someone in an "arrangement" isn't likely to care overmuch for you emotionally, as that's simply not what arrangements are about. It's more a side gig for the person receiving gifts, I would presume, and no doubt gets treated exactly as such by them. Or straight up gold digging. I think this is simply barking up the wrong tree IF what you're looking for is genuine emotional connection and/or a relationship with someone you'll feel you can trust long term. I think there is a very marginal legal line with the entire thing but I choose to see it as paid company. Again its difficult to define the value a person would get out of this, when I looked at it I looked at it from the view of having someone to just spend time with but as you mention that is problematic in that its all very transactional. Trust is also a problem from the outset and maybe that is why the idea has limited appeal from the point of view. The appeal though is a better "choice" in some respects and a lot less "grey" area but getting it to work in a non transactional way, not sure that is really possible. I'll be honest I have tried this a few time when I simply got tired of the extremely unappealing OLD matches I get. Hence me wondering if anyone actually has got this to work based on what they were looking for. Even though the reality for me was swapping one set of problems for another set of problems with similar core issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 Fair enough. Seems like one could find ways to have company but pay a lot less, but I suppose it's "romantic attention" of a sort you're after here. All the issues you mention certainly apply, unfortunately. It also seems to me like quite a lot to pay for "attention" but I will admit I have an easy time starting conversations (and respect that that's not the case for all men). Are there hobby/interest groups/Meet Ups in your area where women are around that you could at least take marginal interest in? Take up line dancing (or if not that, something else that aligns better for you)? Certainly men have done far crazier things in order to get out and meet women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 16, 2023 Author Share Posted March 16, 2023 13 hours ago, mark clemson said: Fair enough. Seems like one could find ways to have company but pay a lot less, but I suppose it's "romantic attention" of a sort you're after here. All the issues you mention certainly apply, unfortunately. It also seems to me like quite a lot to pay for "attention" but I will admit I have an easy time starting conversations (and respect that that's not the case for all men). Are there hobby/interest groups/Meet Ups in your area where women are around that you could at least take marginal interest in? Take up line dancing (or if not that, something else that aligns better for you)? Certainly men have done far crazier things in order to get out and meet women. Yeah in pure economic terms it does not make a lot of sense. Though in theory it should work very well but the reality is anything but. Dancing...I have done that twice in my life and was terrible at it both times BUT I only did it because well the people asking me to dance were very difficult say no to! Ultimately the problem with arrangements is the very little value but I get it, it walks a very fine legal line and is just on the right side of that line which I suppose makes its ok to perhaps more people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 (edited) 6 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: Ultimately the problem with arrangements is the very little value but I get it, it walks a very fine legal line Do you mean a sugar daddy arrangement? Yes the differentiation is if escorts are legal in your area and if money is exchanged for sexual services. Keep in mind that pursuing this may not make you happy anyway. How would you feel knowing they're only being nice to you or affectionate because they'll get a designer handbag out of it? If the matches you're getting aren't appealing to you, buying someone's attention and affection with bribes isn't going to change that. Edited March 16, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 16, 2023 Author Share Posted March 16, 2023 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you mean a sugar daddy arrangement? Yes the differentiation is if escorts are legal in your area and if money is exchanged for sexual services. Keep in mind that pursuing this may not make you happy anyway. Yes pretty much that arrangement. I have tried it on and off and you are right it does not work for me at all, its all totally false. Much like guys who enjoy strip clubs, I do not really see the point because its all false. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: . I have tried it on and off and you are right it does not work for me at all. Then abandon the idea and take a break from pursuing women in any manner. Do you have a good profile and pics on quality paid dating apps? Keep in mind all apps are just a collection of people looking to meet others. There's no guarantee that your specific type will be delivered to you. Paid apps may offer more screening and more serious people. But they are not like online shopping where you custom pick what you want, because they're just everyday women behind the profiles. Not glossed up bait. Edited March 16, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 16, 2023 Author Share Posted March 16, 2023 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Then abandon the idea and take a break from pursuing women in any manner. Do you have a good profile and pics on quality paid dating apps? Keep in mind all apps are just a collection of people looking to meet others. There's no guarantee that your specific type will be delivered to you. Paid apps may offer more screening and more serious people. But they are not like online shopping where you custom pick what you want, because they're just everyday women behind the profiles. Not glossed up bait. I have been on paid apps for 10+years, not keen to go back to them, hence me looking at this arrangement idea to see if others have had more favorable experiences than I have. The plus point and the negative point with arrangements is the choice is frankly far better but it comes at a cost and that is the negative point because the value is not really there to justify it. Of course what is fairly amusing is when the same people are seen on OLD and an arrangement app. Makes me wonder.... Perhaps rather stupidly with arrangements I thought I could re create some of the better experiences I have had but yes its stupid and it does not seem to work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 34 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: same people are seen on OLD and an arrangement app. Unfortunately a lot of dating apps are filled with scammers and escorts. Like anything else, buyer beware. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 17, 2023 Share Posted March 17, 2023 How would it look to you if it were to work? What are the KPIs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted March 19, 2023 Author Share Posted March 19, 2023 On 3/17/2023 at 4:30 PM, Weezy1973 said: How would it look to you if it were to work? What are the KPIs? It doesn't work. I had a look at it again late last week, it partly doesn't work because it's not really what I want and partly because the value is poor. Link to post Share on other sites
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