I have so many feelings for my sister husband

[strawb3rry]

This might be a weird one to some people but this is for real my life😩
Info: i'm 21, sister is 28, her husband is 31. They been together 8 years and have girls ages 2 and 4.

Sooo funny story. When i first met him i was so shy due to his looks, that i hid my face behind my hands for ages and wouldn't talk💀he's a 10/10 man...so handsome. Like so damn hot. Me and my mom always play around with my sister and him about how hot he is. She finds it funny tho. My friends that meet him are always like "dammnn" Not just that tho...he is so kind, interesting, smart, everything you could want in a human. For example, I could just listen to him talk about his interests for hours! He's so passionate.

He's so good to me. He always bigs me up like "you are smart, pretty, you can be anything you want to be" etc. 🥲 he's been there for me a lot throughout my life. I had my first heartbreak at 16 and he talked it out with me. He's welcomed me over their house and had my back many times when i've had a fight with my mom (we butt heads a lot) he's driven me places i needed to go when nobody else could, gone to the store for me when i need something like tampons, pain killers, chocolate hehe.

I guess i mostly looked at him like a father/big brother figure for most of my life of knowing him. But as i get older...like last few years, my feelings have changed to more. They have became intense the last few months... just after christmas, he was driving me home from a day round theirs. He looked down so i asked what is up. He let it all out...just told me how he's been feeling depressed, how him and my sister are having some problems...she's not been treating him great from what he tells me. I try to give him advice from my limited knowledge 😂 he's so grateful to me and he hugs me goodbye. He asks to keep it between us which i have.

The next day i text him for the first time. Well not the first time. But the first time with no real reason and just to talk casually. I asked how he is today etc. That day we talked about everything under the sun! Our interests and some deep subjects i mean. He even told me he loves me ❤ Maybe he means it in a family way...but for me i meant it way more. I've been making a lot of excuses to be around there. Just to be in his company. We text once in a while but i get shy to initate too much, incase it bugs him or whatever. When i see him looking at me when we're all just watching tv, when he smiles at me, when he hugs me, when he compliments me...i do just wonder for a moment if he feels it too.

I don't know what to do with these feelings. I worry nobody will understand but i've came here cause it's annonymous etc. Sometimes i just wanna grab him and kiss his face off and tell him to run away with me! To seduce him. Seeing him having a life with my sister hurts and she doesn't even really appreciate him enough imo. She's hard work. What should i do? Should i tell him? Should i turn up the heat if you know what i mean to make him notice me like "that"!!! for sure? Or should i just live this life watching him be with another woman? 😔

[basil67]

Go and live your own life.  Spend time with your friends.  Find your own boyfriend.  Get your own transport.  Stop being foolish with your mother.  Go and get your own personal items.  Work or study for a degree. 

It's time for you to grow up

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

Or should i just live this life watching him be with another woman?

Yup. That "other woman" is your own sister, OP. 

I don't mean to be harsh, but you've got a lot maturing to do. You're being very inappropriate (so is he) and it needs to stop. That's it. No more "friendly" texts. This is your family. You have no choice but to kill these feelings and not fan the flames of an immature crush. 

Get on some dating apps. Get out there and meet some guys. Fill your own cup. Don't go dipping into your sister's. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

  Or should i just live this life watching him be with another woman? 😔

Stop communicating with him one-on-one. Focus on being a sister and an aunt.  Strengthen the bond between you and your sister rather than being so jealous. 

Start dating. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single men your own age.  

[MsJayne]

He's so kind, and caring, and passionate.......but obviously not towards your sister. You need to stop before he tells your sister and you end up looking like a conniving homewrecker, or, the other possibility, he takes advantage of your immaturity and comes on to your advances, then afterwards denounces you as a liar when you try to expose him because he stopped speaking to you moments after you gave him a BJ in the back of his car. Stop before you make a big mistake. 

[stillafool]

What you can do is get a boyfriend.  What you are doing and thinking about your brother in law is inappropriate.  There are too many good looking, kind and generous men in this world to date rather than being "that girl over there" who runs after her sister's husband.  Stop the texting and distance yourself from both of them until you can control your feelings for your sister's husband.  I agree that you and your mom both are inappropriate the way you talk about your brother in law.  Just cut it out.  What does your Dad say?

[pepperbird2]

14 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

This might be a weird one to some people but this is for real my life😩
Info: i'm 21, sister is 28, her husband is 31. They been together 8 years and have girls ages 2 and 4.

Sooo funny story. When i first met him i was so shy due to his looks, that i hid my face behind my hands for ages and wouldn't talk💀he's a 10/10 man...so handsome. Like so damn hot. Me and my mom always play around with my sister and him about how hot he is. She finds it funny tho. My friends that meet him are always like "dammnn" Not just that tho...he is so kind, interesting, smart, everything you could want in a human. For example, I could just listen to him talk about his interests for hours! He's so passionate.

He's so good to me. He always bigs me up like "you are smart, pretty, you can be anything you want to be" etc. 🥲 he's been there for me a lot throughout my life. I had my first heartbreak at 16 and he talked it out with me. He's welcomed me over their house and had my back many times when i've had a fight with my mom (we butt heads a lot) he's driven me places i needed to go when nobody else could, gone to the store for me when i need something like tampons, pain killers, chocolate hehe.

I guess i mostly looked at him like a father/big brother figure for most of my life of knowing him. But as i get older...like last few years, my feelings have changed to more. They have became intense the last few months... just after christmas, he was driving me home from a day round theirs. He looked down so i asked what is up. He let it all out...just told me how he's been feeling depressed, how him and my sister are having some problems...she's not been treating him great from what he tells me. I try to give him advice from my limited knowledge 😂 he's so grateful to me and he hugs me goodbye. He asks to keep it between us which i have.

The next day i text him for the first time. Well not the first time. But the first time with no real reason and just to talk casually. I asked how he is today etc. That day we talked about everything under the sun! Our interests and some deep subjects i mean. He even told me he loves me ❤ Maybe he means it in a family way...but for me i meant it way more. I've been making a lot of excuses to be around there. Just to be in his company. We text once in a while but i get shy to initate too much, incase it bugs him or whatever. When i see him looking at me when we're all just watching tv, when he smiles at me, when he hugs me, when he compliments me...i do just wonder for a moment if he feels it too.

I don't know what to do with these feelings. I worry nobody will understand but i've came here cause it's annonymous etc. Sometimes i just wanna grab him and kiss his face off and tell him to run away with me! To seduce him. Seeing him having a life with my sister hurts and she doesn't even really appreciate him enough imo. She's hard work. What should i do? Should i tell him? Should i turn up the heat if you know what i mean to make him notice me like "that"!!! for sure? Or should i just live this life watching him be with another woman? 😔

This comes off as a high school type crush. If you act on it, you’ll blow your family apart, and if you think you’ll walk away with this guy as your prize, you’re mistaken. 
 

it will be you sitting at home wondering who he’s sleeping with. 

[strawb3rry]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Go and live your own life.  Spend time with your friends.  Find your own boyfriend.  Get your own transport.  Stop being foolish with your mother.  Go and get your own personal items.  Work or study for a degree. 

It's time for you to grow up

I do work! Not sure why you think otherwise. Also i get my own transport and personal items usually...i was just using an example of how he is good to me and has helped me like that througout my life. 

 

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yup. That "other woman" is your own sister, OP. 

I don't mean to be harsh, but you've got a lot maturing to do. You're being very inappropriate (so is he) and it needs to stop. That's it. No more "friendly" texts. This is your family. You have no choice but to kill these feelings and not fan the flames of an immature crush. 

Get on some dating apps. Get out there and meet some guys. Fill your own cup. Don't go dipping into your sister's. 

How is it inappropriate? How is he being inappropriate? Do you think he feels the same ways? I have dated off and on since a teen. The last relationship ended over 6 months ago. I'm on the apps but the guys on there seem to want just one night of fun...or they are undesirable in some way 😩 it's the same for guys i meet irl. They don't compare to "b" 

 

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop communicating with him one-on-one. Focus on being a sister and an aunt.  Strengthen the bond between you and your sister rather than being so jealous. 

Start dating. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single men your own age.  

Just to say...i do love my sister and i feel a bit bad. But i'm not lying when i say she can be hard work.  It's the same thing with my mom. Those 2 are similar and can get on well, whereas i butt heads with them. The only thing i'm jealous of her about is she gets to be with b. I adore my nieces and we have a very strong bond btw ❤

6 hours ago, MsJayne said:

He's so kind, and caring, and passionate.......but obviously not towards your sister. You need to stop before he tells your sister and you end up looking like a conniving homewrecker, or, the other possibility, he takes advantage of your immaturity and comes on to your advances, then afterwards denounces you as a liar when you try to expose him because he stopped speaking to you moments after you gave him a BJ in the back of his car. Stop before you make a big mistake. 

Actually he is that way towards my sister...he takes care of her well. She's the one who doesn't seem to realize what she has. She's the one that is b****y to him over small things and it's like he can't get a break. And he's just not like that! He always has my back unless i've really been in the wrong. He wouldn't just turn against me or whatever. Also how can you take advantage of someone who wants it?! 😂

 

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

What you can do is get a boyfriend.  What you are doing and thinking about your brother in law is inappropriate.  There are too many good looking, kind and generous men in this world to date rather than being "that girl over there" who runs after her sister's husband.  Stop the texting and distance yourself from both of them until you can control your feelings for your sister's husband.  I agree that you and your mom both are inappropriate the way you talk about your brother in law.  Just cut it out.  What does your Dad say?

Not even sister sees it as inappropriate tho. It's just an inside "joke" that he's hot..everyone laughs. It might sound worse than it is! I've already explained about the bf thing. I don't have any relationship or contact with my dad.

 

41 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

This comes off as a high school type crush. If you act on it, you’ll blow your family apart, and if you think you’ll walk away with this guy as your prize, you’re mistaken. 
 

it will be you sitting at home wondering who he’s sleeping with. 

Why couldn't he be my prize tho? And why would i be wondering who he's sleeping with? You mean if we get together? 

[mark clemson]

15 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

I don't know what to do with these feelings. I worry nobody will understand but i've came here cause it's annonymous etc. Sometimes i just wanna grab him and kiss his face off and tell him to run away with me! To seduce him. Seeing him having a life with my sister hurts and she doesn't even really appreciate him enough imo. She's hard work. What should i do?

Should i tell him? Should i turn up the heat if you know what i mean to make him notice me like "that"!!! for sure? Or should i just live this life watching him be with another woman?

No you should not, this would likely be ruinous for all involved.

It sounds like you've fallen for someone attractive but "just out of reach". Our biology is tricky and falling in love with the wrong person happens to folks every day. It's an unfortunate fact of life. It's very likely he can indeed sense how you feel. Attractive men get a lot of attention from women, and you may be just another notch in his "flirt belt".

You know this can't be. You had your day, so let it remain there. You need to do the "work" of turning away from this and resolving to your own relationship instead of poaching from your sister. Avoid spending time with them for a while if you need to.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. One day soon enough your feelings for this man will have faded, you will have your own BF or husband, and you'll look back with great relief that you didn't make the mistake of blowing up your sister's family.

Edited March 20, 2023 by mark clemson

[stillafool]

Perhaps you view him as a father figure since your own father is not present in your life.  To me he seems to be treating you as his little sister and being supportive because you seem insecure.  I'm a woman and pretty much treat my husband's little sister the same way.  After all, you two are family.  You might want to remember that.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's a no-win situation for you. You have an unrequited crush, but if he acted on it he's just a dog. So there's really no good outcome for you in this.  Redirect your focus to find a nice single guy for yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

How is it inappropriate? How is he being inappropriate? Do you think he feels the same ways?

It is inappropriate of him to be complaining about his marriage to you, and it's inappropriate of you to be texting him for no other reason than to chat when you've developed these feelings for him. And no, I don't see anything that suggests he feels the same way. He has known you since you were a kid and likely sees you as a younger sister who needs guidance. 

2 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

Why couldn't he be my prize tho?

How is this a question? He is married.  To your sister. That's why. You need to find a boyfriend of your own. 

[MsJayne]

4 hours ago, strawb3rry said:

Actually he is that way towards my sister...he takes care of her well. She's the one who doesn't seem to realize what she has. She's the one that is b****y to him over small things and it's like he can't get a break. And he's just not like that! He always has my back unless i've really been in the wrong. He wouldn't just turn against me or whatever. Also how can you take advantage of someone who wants it?! 😂

 

I feel very sorry for your sister, obviously sister only in name as it's clear you couldn't care less about her or her children. You know nothing about her marriage, you're just inventing reasons to justify your appalling plan. Does it occur to you that she's b****y because she knows she can't trust him? You're well past the age where you should have developed integrity and social conscience. Your brother-in-law is using standard garden variety tactics to manipulate you, the old "we're having some problems", pretending to confide in you to gain your trust and make you feel relevant. He sounds like a piece of work. You think he wouldn't turn against you? Just watch how fast he does it when he wants to get rid of you because you've become a problem, which will right about the time you start imagining that he actually has feelings for you and start pressuring him. You will be the one who wears the fallout, you'll lose the trust and respect of your family, and will gain nothing but an ugly blotch on your life. Infatuation causes us to be blind to the truth, you have an opportunity to think this through. Do as you would be done by. 

[Lisa]

Thread closed as the topic has been thoroughly answered.  Thank you for your participation