LynneVicious Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 He doesn’t sound insecure or playing games. Are you looking for hookups or relationships? Sounds like he had his fun and now he’s done. If you’re looking for a relationship, then sounds like he’s not it, as actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Ray_xx said: Because as women when we give our body's to men who we trust and see lack of effort and affection, it hurts us as women feel more emotion after intimacy whilst men do not. Although saying that the guy who I met in October still thinks about me and that was even more physical than this guy and he's come back. Maybe men just take longer to register their feelings than women. As women it's best to wait until we're in a relationship with a man before giving our bodies to them. It takes more than a month and 2 weeks to earn trust and get to know a man especially if you're only talking and not meeting in person. You had sex with the man on the first date so most of us and probably him too thought you were in it for casual sex and some fun. So he's treating it accordingly. Now you are talking about hurt feelings, emotions, intimacy and bruised ego. Why didn't you wait to have sex if you wanted a relationship with this man? Me thinks because he wasn't really a drinker, your drinking and early sex is making him move on. Edited March 20, 2023 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 5 hours ago, Ray_xx said: Because as women when we give our body's to men who we trust and see lack of effort and affection, it hurts us as women feel more emotion after intimacy whilst men do not. While you might like to think this is a "woman" thing, truth is we are all different. And frankly, men are different too and react to sex in different ways. Some men just want a fling and some are die hard romantics. Because gender stereotypes are inherently false, using them will only lead to confusion on your part. As a women, I've had a bit of early sex...sometimes first date...and I'll tell you right now that it's foolish to connect this to trust when you barely know the guy. Trust is something which is earned over time. If you want early sex, that's fine - I'm the last who will judge you for it. But it should be done with the knowledge that it may be a one nighter, it may be a short fling or it may turn into a relationship. It's all about managing expectations. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 7 hours ago, Ray_xx said: They always do and it's always me that has checked out. Sounds like some sort of pattern with you, perhaps?? More often than not, these patterns tend to be best identified, addressed and resolved from within rather than thinking it's constantly the other person(s). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) 10 hours ago, Ray_xx said: What does he want? The real question is, what do you want? It seems he chose a distance situation to make things more easily disposable. Now that you're rid of him, regroup and reflect more on what you want out of a situation. Try to date locally so you can build a relationship. Avoid too much drinking and early sex if it interferes with your objectivity. Reframe things so that you are choosing what you want rather than guessing what they want. Edited March 21, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 11 hours ago, Ray_xx said: They always do and it's always me that has checked out So the common denominator is you. You have a pattern, and it seems your picker is off. Maybe take some time off dating to reset your standards for the men you go after. You will then get better results. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 19 hours ago, Ray_xx said: Why does it take guys so long to register 'oh I miss her and like her. I do not get it? the same happened with a lad last year and he messaged me a year later saying ''I regret not going further with you'' 12 months later? please explain What is your role in this dynamic? It seems like your only interest is in getting attention from these men. You don't seem to care much about them; who they are, how the two of you fit, etc. Just the pursuit and level of interest the guy shows you - and then nothing leads anywhere. What's up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ray_xx Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) 16 hours ago, mtnbiker3000 said: Sounds like some sort of pattern with you, perhaps?? More often than not, these patterns tend to be best identified, addressed and resolved from within rather than thinking it's constantly the other person(s). I have boundaries and if men don't meet them I am out Edited March 21, 2023 by Ray_xx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 12 minutes ago, Ray_xx said: Why shouldn't I think high of myself? can you answer that one? It's fine to think highly of oneself. It's another to think you are out of someone's league, which is what you seem to be suggesting by mentioning that you are better-looking than him and wondering if he's intimidated by your looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ray_xx Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It's fine to think highly of oneself. It's another to think you are out of someone's league, which is what you seem to be suggesting by mentioning that you are better-looking than him and wondering if he's intimidated by your looks. but it's a fact of life - people are intimated by looks? sadly that's what this generation is - insecurity's Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ray_xx Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: What is your role in this dynamic? It seems like your only interest is in getting attention from these men. You don't seem to care much about them; who they are, how the two of you fit, etc. Just the pursuit and level of interest the guy shows you - and then nothing leads anywhere. What's up? Yes because I will only fall in love if people pursuit me otherwise I am not interested. I give a lot but I need to see effort consist and not decrease or I will move on QUICKLY Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 4 minutes ago, Ray_xx said: but it's a fact of life - people are intimated by looks? sadly that's what this generation is - insecurity's No, not necessarily true. You seem to have trouble entertaining the idea that he lost interest for other reasons. It could be something you said or did, or something unrelated to you (ie. he could have met someone he liked more) One can be objectively attractive and still struggle to attract an actual partner. It's about a heck of a lot more than looks. If you are having difficulty keeping a guy around, it might be time to reflect on why that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 Ray, this wasn't a romantic relationship. It seemed like two people were just enjoying each other's company physically over drinks and a few meals. My suggestion is to take it slow. Going on dates can be an exciting experience, but it's important to be aware of what both people are looking for and to respect each other's boundaries. Don't rush into anything and take the time to get to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 10 hours ago, Ray_xx said: Yes because I will only fall in love if people pursuit me otherwise I am not interested. I give a lot but I need to see effort consist and not decrease or I will move on QUICKLY Well, that is your prerogative, but it sounds like a quick and efficient path to significant suffering to me. And one that won't soon end, which it sounds as though you are already discovering at age 31. As soon as you want or need something from someone else, the fuse is lit and it is sure to fail! It seems as though you are confusing love with attachment! "Give me what I want/need or else..." In all seriousness, have you ever considered a different approach? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 11 hours ago, Ray_xx said: Yes because I will only fall in love if people pursuit me otherwise I am not interested. I give a lot but I need to see effort consist and not decrease or I will move on QUICKLY So it doesn't matter who he is, but how much he chases? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ray_xx Posted March 22, 2023 Author Share Posted March 22, 2023 3 hours ago, mtnbiker3000 said: Well, that is your prerogative, but it sounds like a quick and efficient path to significant suffering to me. And one that won't soon end, which it sounds as though you are already discovering at age 31. As soon as you want or need something from someone else, the fuse is lit and it is sure to fail! It seems as though you are confusing love with attachment! "Give me what I want/need or else..." In all seriousness, have you ever considered a different approach? Never! I have my expectations as I know what my half of the share offers and until I find what I want, I will not commit to anyone and would rather be single all my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ray_xx Posted March 22, 2023 Author Share Posted March 22, 2023 3 hours ago, basil67 said: So it doesn't matter who he is, but how much he chases? I am not sure where you are getting the ''it doesn't matter who he is'' it makes no sense? of course it matters who he is or I would have dated him for 8 weeks! bizarre comment I am sorry Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 1 hour ago, Ray_xx said: I am not sure where you are getting the ''it doesn't matter who he is'' it makes no sense? of course it matters who he is or I would have dated him for 8 weeks! bizarre comment I am sorry Your make or break is whether or not he chases. You've mentioned nothing at all about whether he's a good guy or if he simply puts in equal effort to you. It's just about him chasing you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 (edited) [ ] I understand your frustration and your situation. The experience of someone showing interest in you, and suddenly pulling away and leaving you confused and hurt is not uncommon. As you admitted, you grew impatient with him when he did not send you a text to let you know that he arrived home safely. It is likely that he felt attacked and defensive when you accused him of leading you on. In the future, stay focused on what's upsetting you. That you felt hurt that he didn't text back and that you were concerned. Relationships are not linear and they evolve and change over time. It may be that this man realized that the connection you have is not going to lead to a long-term relationship, and has decided to end things before either of you get too invested. Ultimately, it doesn't matter why he acted the way he did. Don't feel like you have to chase or convince them to like you; if they care, they'll make it clear. Take a step back and take some time for yourself. Think about what you want and need from a relationship. When you are ready, you can start looking for someone who is willing to give you the respect and attention you deserve. Invest time and effort into a relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you. Edited March 22, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 I think he might have moved for the right person but he’s not that into you. He balked at your question where is this going and then tried to keep things going or keep chatting with you believing he could get more long distance sex later. By then things cooled on your end. It was fast, predictable and it sank. You did the right thing letting it go. I’d look for more sensible partners in the local area as well so that there’s no pressure for anyone to move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 (edited) On 3/20/2023 at 11:27 AM, Ray_xx said: many people have said in terms of appearance I am so much better than him. It seems like he just wanted casual. And the distance was part of making the situation more disposable for him. This has nothing to do with your appearance. It has to do with him not being invested in much. You blocked him so now all you can do is date locally so you can build a relationship with someone compatible. Edited March 22, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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