Re: More Than Just Friends?

[Chrissy]

Well...here goes. I'm very confused. I am a 24 year old married female who is in love with her and her husbands best friend. Let me tell you more. I met my husband when I was 17. I became close with my guy friend at that time too. My best friend was dating him then and I was dating my husband - then boyfriend at that time, so we never had a chance to test our chemistry together. He was our best man in our wedding as well and my husband and I are very close to him to this day. We've been close friends for about 10 years now and there is always flirting going on when I am around him. When ever I am around him I feel this wonderful sexual charge in the air. Last summer we went on a motor cycle ride on a warm summer night. I was on cloud 9 for about two weeks. I just kept remembering the feel of my arms around his firm body, the scent of his manliness, and the feel of my breath on his neck. Now...call me odd but I have a happy marriage. My husband and I are great friends. We have been married for 4 years now and are thinking about having our first baby soon. We are very honest with each other, and he knows that I am attracted to his friend. So...I guess I don't know what my problem is. I think that maybe because I didn't date many guys in my small town that I am very curious about men. I also feel that given the right moment and time that i would sleep with my guy friend. One night after a few drinks...i ended up in his bed and he came and layed down next to me. We had a long talk and nothing more. I felt that it was a very intimate moment. He has given me wonderful back rubs, and at one time while we were still in high school, he, my best friend, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same room.

 

Also...you should probably know that he and I have a running joke about sex. He is always available to do favors for me and i have had to call him on a few occasions for help. Well..the running joke is that I will pay him with sexual favors. ( But of course that has never happened yet) He has also made comments like "yeah, i should have snatched you up when I had the chance". I also find it funny that he and I have so much in common. We agree on almost everything. And argue and have spats like a couple too. I guess what I am confused about is am I crazy? Does he have hidden feelings for me too? Can you have a crush on your best friend for 10 years? And...can you honestly love two men? Please give me some guidance, I'm confused?!

[bethbonnie]

Chrissy....would you mind if I tell you something you will

probably not wish to hear? BACK OFF. You certainly

are placing yourself and your precious marriage on the

shores of irreversible damage. Whilst Im mentioning the

word 'marriage'...how important are the vows you

promised to your husband, and if you had a christian

ceremony, before God? Were they genuine, or just

part and parcel of the wedding day. Is your wedding

ring on your finger because it is a symbol of your committment to your husband or is it there for decoration?

Yes, these words are very blunt, there meant to be.

Whilst this may seem to sound 'very uncool' and 'old-

fashioned', my concern for you is that you are being

surely tempted, because your emotions of fantasy are

deceiving you into a false sense of 'fleshly' throwing all

caution to the wind. If we 'dwell upon a thought long

enough....eventually it will give birth to an action', and

if we dont stop and consider the consequences of our

actions, because we think we have the RIGHT to have

or feel something, regardless of who it may hurt, we,

no matter what we do, can regret it for the rest of our

lives. YOU will have to live with the choices of your

actions, first and foremost. Regardless of who or what

your husband is, he entered into a marriage with you,

and the sexual intimacy you share together in your married

life, is meant to be exclusive. It was not designed for

any audience or third person. You mentioned that you

and your husband and very happy and are planning on

having your first child, great, you are certainly blessed.

Please, dont disturb this joyful event you are planning by

having an affair with his best friend, and betraying his

trust. NO MAN wants to be treated that way, except for

those who disrespect himself, and lacks the understanding of true love and intimacy. I am some

fifteen years older than you and today, much wiser, than

when I was your age. In this modern age we live in,

some things dont change, honesty, respect and the

peace of mind in our older years to look back and know,

that we may have made some silly mistakes and choices,

but if two people are blessed to find someone to share

their life with, they at least were faithful to them, if

nothing else. You are totally responsible for the choices

you make, please, use wisdom in all of them... I mean

well, I really do. For your own sake, try to remember to

afford to yourself, the highest respect in all you do.

A moment of passion, usually is regretted when you come

back to reality, this friend is disrespecting you and his

'best friend's marriage"...black is black and white is white,

and truth is truth...something that we sometimes dont

want to hear, so we can go ahead and justify our

own cravings and desires, who cares if we hurt others,

well we should care, we would not want to recieve the

same careless hurtful actions of someone else's selfish

choices.....I carefully considered to write this, and it

was written not for popularity reasons, I wrote it because

you deserve honesty, and I need to answer you with

a heartfelt responsible response....I wish you well,

take care...bethbonnie..Australia...