Dating a single mom

[dnj21]

I matched with a girl on a dating app a few weeks ago.  She's 33 and has an 8 year old son.  I have never dated or even talked to a girl with a kid before.  She got out a long relationship around Nov/Dec because he wasn't ready for marriage.  We started talking and really hit it off, I got her number as well.  She's asked if I'm ready to settle down, willing to move closer to be with her, how I feel about kids, etc. etc. which I am all positive towards.  We went on our first date and it went really well and expressed this and continued talking.  A few days later, the texting started slowing down.  She apologized for the lack of texting, saying that it's a lot having her son at home and working from home at the same time.  I said I understood, it wasn't a big deal and I can give her space if she needs it.  She said that she likes talking to me and I don't bother her, she said this upcoming week would be really tough with spring break and her son being home all week with her while she works.  She doesn't want to be on her phone constantly but also doesn't want me thinking she's blowing me off.  She wanted me to know that she is still interested in me because if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't think I were interested in her.  I said I appreciated that and asked if she wanted to do something Sunday.  She said she did but when the time came, a family event came up that she forgot about.  She offered to cancel, I said no, go to that, it's alright.  The following week there wasn't much communication.  She said that her son has really been struggling with the idea of her dating again and the previous guy not being around.  She said she is spending the majority on her time focusing on him, making sure he will be ready moving forward.  The rest of the week goes by.  I texted her Sunday saying I hope she had a good weekend and I was thinking about them.  She responded Monday saying thank you and that it was very busy.  Her responses have been very short and there have been longer periods between her answering, but she mentioned this is how it would be in her disclaimer.

At this point, despite being reassured, my doubts of her no longer being interested in me are kicking in.  My heart wants to stay involved and trying, but my head is saying she is uninterested.  Again, I have no experience dating single mothers.  It's only been a few weeks and one date, but I am really interested in her and have expressed that towards her.  Am I wasting my time or is she making sure her son is ready to move on?  I believe the latter is true, but it still doesn't seem like she's interested in me any more.  Should I ask her, wait or move on?

[ShyViolet]

This sounds like more trouble than it's worth.  She has a lot of baggage and doesn't sound like she has much time for a relationship.  It's also super weird that she was asking if you are ready to settle down and move closer to her when you had first met.  Don't wait around for this girl.  Keep your expectations low and you should keep meeting others.  I think you can do better than this.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, dnj21 said:

I matched with a girl on a dating app a few weeks ago., willing to move closer to be with her,  I am really interested in her and have expressed that towards her.  

Is this a distance situation? How did you meet? How many in-person dates have you been on? 

Slow down. This is way too much too soon. She seems overwhelmed and smothered.

The best way to assess interest is to step back and see what she does. 

Keep in mind you just started dating so you're both still talking to and meeting others.  Keep your options open more locally, she may be doing the same.

You seem incompatible already as far as communication and leisure time. This situation may not be a good fit for you 

[ExpatInItaly]

It doesn't appear she has the time nor is in the right headspace to date. 

I would move on, personally. It's already too complicated and you hardly know her. Next. 

[JTSW]

It sounds like she jumps from one relationship to another.

This is obviously very confusing to her son.

It also sounds like she is looking for a guy to settle down with as soon as she can for the stability.

She is right to focus on him for now.

Step back and let her get on with it.

I don't see a future here.

[smackie9]

It's not that she isn't interested...it's the fact she's a single mom....the child comes first. And a child being at this age, will be taking up quite a bit of her time, leaving very little for you. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you expect you to be treated. This isn't the situation for you. 

[Calmandfocused]

Op, I’m a single mum of 2 children so you might be surprised at my response: 

Run! This is drama extraordinaire! And no dating a single mother is not like this. 
 

Yes it is possible to send a text message when you have children. It’s even possible to have phone conversations and FaceTime calls. I know, I’ve done it. 
 

The fact that she is getting her son “ready” for her dating again is a red flag. 
 

She shouldn’t be involving her son in her dating life full stop. 
 

It’s not her son who needs to be ready to date, it’s her! She’s only been single for a few months, therefore she isn’t emotionally ready to date. 
 

Id count your losses with this one 
 

 

[Gaeta]

She has not been single long enough to know what she wants and to stand by what she wants. 

Her 8 yo son should not even know she's dating at this point, and obviously it's too soon for the child to let someone else in his heart. 

Sincerely...run away from this. You should not date women that have not been single for at least a year to 2 years. 

 

[BaileyB]

On 3/20/2023 at 7:24 PM, dnj21 said:

my doubts of her no longer being interested in me are kicking in. 

I don’t know that it’s so much that she she is not interested as it simply is, she is newly out of a long term relationship, trying to figure out how to parent on her own, and she doesn’t have the time/she is not really ready for another relationship… If you stay involved, I would say manage your expectations. But, I think the answer to your question is - she is just not able to date or be in a serious relationship right now. 

[Goodguy05]

On 3/21/2023 at 10:24 AM, dnj21 said:

I matched with a girl on a dating app a few weeks ago.  She's 33 and has an 8 year old son.  I have never dated or even talked to a girl with a kid before.  She got out a long relationship around Nov/Dec because he wasn't ready for marriage.  We started talking and really hit it off, I got her number as well.  She's asked if I'm ready to settle down, willing to move closer to be with her, how I feel about kids, etc. etc. which I am all positive towards.  We went on our first date and it went really well and expressed this and continued talking.  A few days later, the texting started slowing down.  She apologized for the lack of texting, saying that it's a lot having her son at home and working from home at the same time.  I said I understood, it wasn't a big deal and I can give her space if she needs it.  She said that she likes talking to me and I don't bother her, she said this upcoming week would be really tough with spring break and her son being home all week with her while she works.  She doesn't want to be on her phone constantly but also doesn't want me thinking she's blowing me off.  She wanted me to know that she is still interested in me because if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't think I were interested in her.  I said I appreciated that and asked if she wanted to do something Sunday.  She said she did but when the time came, a family event came up that she forgot about.  She offered to cancel, I said no, go to that, it's alright.  The following week there wasn't much communication.  She said that her son has really been struggling with the idea of her dating again and the previous guy not being around.  She said she is spending the majority on her time focusing on him, making sure he will be ready moving forward.  The rest of the week goes by.  I texted her Sunday saying I hope she had a good weekend and I was thinking about them.  She responded Monday saying thank you and that it was very busy.  Her responses have been very short and there have been longer periods between her answering, but she mentioned this is how it would be in her disclaimer.

At this point, despite being reassured, my doubts of her no longer being interested in me are kicking in.  My heart wants to stay involved and trying, but my head is saying she is uninterested.  Again, I have no experience dating single mothers.  It's only been a few weeks and one date, but I am really interested in her and have expressed that towards her.  Am I wasting my time or is she making sure her son is ready to move on?  I believe the latter is true, but it still doesn't seem like she's interested in me any more.  Should I ask her, wait or move on?

She's making up excuses. Sorry to say. I went out with a single mum of three two that she was looking after the majority of the time and she always made time for me. Even though sometimes we had to work around the kids, I was still a priority.

[justwhoiam]

I'm not saying what posters have said so far is untrue. What they are not considering is the son has a problem. It could be because of a number of factors, even a combination of them: 1. she's not getting to know a man first, in person, before introducing him to her son, thinking it's a compulsory step to decide whether to move forward or not; 2. the son got attached to the previous man she was dating and dreams about them being back together; 3. you didn't show empathy/didn't connect with him as you're quite clueless about it and mainly focused on her, and he felt like the third wheel; 4. he's uncomfortable with the idea of mom having another man who is not his father for whatever reason; 5. he might be thinking you're gonna leave too and he doesn't want to go through it again...

Now, you invested very little because you only had a date with her. If you're really really into her, win the child. Don't buy him with gifts. That can sometimes work, see Fluffy the comedian (Gabriel Iglesias), but it can be tricky and get too demanding. Offer to do things with him and for him. I realize now it's too early anyway, as something like that comes gradually. It looks like she's jumping into things, and then it fires back and she needs to slow down.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/20/2023 at 8:24 PM, dnj21 said:

.  I have never dated or even talked to a girl with a kid before.  She got out a long relationship around Nov/Dec because he wasn't ready for marriage.  

Sorry for the disappointment. You only had a few dates and unfortunately she doesn't seem ready to date. All you can do is step back and see if she contacts you and reflect if all the complications, such as distance, parenting, etc is the right woman/situation for you.