Long distance dating

[conny23]

I (28F)  met someone (27M) in my hometown about 7 months ago that I am in regular contact with (calls, messages). We have a great connection and we met regularly and always had a wonderful time together. 
Because of my studies I've been abroad every now and then and for about 3 months now I'm living constantly abroad to write my master thesis and also I got a good job offer here. So I don't know if and when I will move back to my hometown. 

We are not exclusive yet but we have talked about our feelings several times and we it seemed that we are on the same page. Since I feel something for him, I wanted to give it a try and get into in a long distance relationship , but the more time goes by, the harder it is for me to get involved. I have communicated that clearly to him as well. He said that he was aware of the difficulties, but that he still wants to try. 
Since my stay abroad will not end soon, I have a lot of doubts and I'm not sure if I want to get involved in a relationship where we see each other only every few months. So every day I am more ambivalent and I believe that this behavior will hurt us both more if we continue this without resolving this. Although we have a great chemistry and we’re clearly attracted to each other, I am not sure and I need to resolve this issue asap because I think it is fair to him and myself too! 

I don't really know if I should give it a try or if I should break off contact completely? Opinions? Experiences?

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, conny23 said:

I I'm living constantly abroad to write my master thesis and also I got a good job offer here. So I don't know if and when I will move back to my hometown. 

Focus on your studies and your career. While you do have some connection, you may not want to be tied down to a nonviable situation especially since you're not exclusive. Set both yourselves free so you can fully enjoy and emerse yourself in your new environment.

[JTSW]

I don't have LDR experiences but I personally think its pointless.

If you can't see each other for long periods of time what's the point?

Things may be great in the beginning but it will eventually get hard to maintain.

Saying that, I know of people who have made it work.

If you both very serious about it then I don't see any harm in trying as long as you are both aware that it wont be easy.

[glows]

This will likely fizzle out eventually and it’s seen in your growing ambivalence and feeling disconnected. What is he saying to you exactly? Are you sure you’re not building this up in your mind and he’s pretty easygoing or not as gung ho about any kind of relationship? Did he specifically ask you to be mutually exclusive and wax deeply poetic about how he feels about you? I don’t see any of that in your write up. 

My approach would be to keep things casual and light and have fun or whatever you want whenever you go back home to visit. This never has to be a relationship. If it doesn’t require any action on your part, do nothing. If you want more time to focus on your school and work then tell him that and be less present. Most people get the point and it fizzles and you meet new people. If he presses for more time together then say you can’t provide that and best to go your separate ways.

[conny23]

1 hour ago, glows said:

This will likely fizzle out eventually and it’s seen in your growing ambivalence and feeling disconnected. What is he saying to you exactly? Are you sure you’re not building this up in your mind and he’s pretty easygoing or not as gung ho about any kind of relationship? Did he specifically ask you to be mutually exclusive and wax deeply poetic about how he feels about you? I don’t see any of that in your write up. 

My approach would be to keep things casual and light and have fun or whatever you want whenever you go back home to visit. This never has to be a relationship. If it doesn’t require any action on your part, do nothing. If you want more time to focus on your school and work then tell him that and be less present. Most people get the point and it fizzles and you meet new people. If he presses for more time together then say you can’t provide that and best to go your separate ways.

Thanks for the answer! Maybe you’re right.

When I describe my ambivalent thoughts and insecurities, he says he understands and that it's not easy for him either, but that he still wants to try and that he accepts that we only see each other every few months because the connection and the chemistry between us is good.

He also often tells me that he misses me and he wants to set our next meeting. He has also said a few times that he has feelings for me and that he is in love. The messages and calls are very romantic. But he doesn't really talk about exclusivity. Of course, I always wonder what our status would be if I were not abroad. Also, of course, I realize that these rose-colored glasses will disappear at some point and for a partnership you clearly need more than that. 

He also says that he will keep trying until I go “No Contact” or he gets tired. This is also why I am thinking about to be clear and to take action. 
 

[NuevoYorko]

You aren't exclusive now ... it doesn't sound like a good set of circumstances under which to make that move.   You would need to be quite certain for that.  

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, conny23 said:

I (28F)  met someone (27M) in my hometown about 7 months ago that I am in regular contact with (calls, messages). We have a great connection and we met regularly and always had a wonderful time together. 

Consider taking a step back and evaluating the relationship before making any major commitments. If exclusivity hasn't been reached after 7 months, it may not be the right time to move forward.

[ShyViolet]

Carrying on a long distance thing would be a complete waste of time and energy.  Dating is an in-person activity.  Cut this off so you don't get all emotionally invested with a pen-pal.