Author riverdeep33 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 Ah I’m not the same person as he is. I’m kind’ he has until tomorrow. After that I’ll tell him to take me to court. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 Stand your ground and make sure you get what is yours. Everyone gets tired of fighting eventually. If he has a new partner who's emotionally involved in his struggle with you, it might take a couple of years. In the absence of such a person in his life it should die out much quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 2 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: He said he’s got a place to move into next week Can you care for the cat until then? It's probably best for you and the cat to wait until the cat can be appropriately relocated. Once that's done you can delete and block him and begin to heal and move forward. Since the cat is legally his property, you may be better off washing your hands of the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 why are you giving this man the cat? it's not his. why are you even responding to his messages? just move on with your life. you claim he doesn't care about the cat's welfare- then why are you giving him the cat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 I’m too bloody kind stupid and love him. He knows that. he has his parents place. He has a safe place. I hear you but I have to think a little of myself here. This is all really affecting me and I can’t have that connection hanging over me just to convenience him Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 On 3/25/2023 at 3:38 AM, riverdeep33 said: we bought the cat he did all the registering. So it’s chip is in his name, registered with the Vets in his name, so I don’t really have a legal foot to stand on. Unfortunately you have no choice since the cat is legally his property. Enjoy the cat until it can be relocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 One single message to Me “I’m coming at 4pm tomorrow” Link to post Share on other sites
Stret Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 The cat is not a thing and I hate seeing people treat it like one. Cats HATE moving from the territory they know and are used to. Especially if he has no outdoors space and the cat is used used to having access to open space in the garden/backyard, you would be sending it to kitty prison. As you said, he works long hours and poor thing would be alone and confined to closed space all day long. Has any of two of you thought about that? He is obviously using the cat to get to you, and you need to stay strong and discuss this with him along these lines of concern, leave your own feeling aside for a second to do the right thing for the innocent animal caught in between. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 1 hour ago, riverdeep33 said: One single message to Me “I’m coming at 4pm tomorrow” Okay, good. Now it will be done definitively. For your own sanity, can you ask a friend or family to be there instead of you to hand off the cat? I think it will be very difficult for you to actually see him in person and say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 I feel I need to do this. I can’t leave this to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 5 hours ago, Stret said: The cat is not a thing and I hate seeing people treat it like one. Cats HATE moving from the territory they know and are used to. Especially if he has no outdoors space and the cat is used used to having access to open space in the garden/backyard, you would be sending it to kitty prison. As you said, he works long hours and poor thing would be alone and confined to closed space all day long. Has any of two of you thought about that? He is obviously using the cat to get to you, and you need to stay strong and discuss this with him along these lines of concern, leave your own feeling aside for a second to do the right thing for the innocent animal caught in between. i couldn't agree more. if you really think this man is such a POS why would you give him an animal that needs to be cared for. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 9 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: I feel I need to do this. I can’t leave this to someone else. Are you going to be able to emotionally withstand it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 13, 2023 Author Share Posted April 13, 2023 I’ve thought about it and asked a friend to be here. I think I still need to do it but some support there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 I think that is a smart move. Use your friendships. Grow your friendships. Generally I see women emerging better from the loss of a partner than men. Tightly knit friendships and support networks seem to be the key. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: I’ve thought about it and asked a friend to be here. I think I still need to do it but some support there. That's a great idea. This way you'll feel more supported especially since the cat is legally his and technically you can not confiscate his property. There's an emotional attachment to the cat and it's best to have someone with you. The best thing for the cat actually, is to be out of this tug-of-war unfortunately created by the breakup. Edited April 13, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 11 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: I’ve thought about it and asked a friend to be here. I think I still need to do it but some support there. I think that's a great idea. Have your support system already in place. It should help keep this meeting brief, and hopefully more managable for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 13, 2023 Author Share Posted April 13, 2023 It was a TERRIBLE experience. he hugged me. Said sorry (still did it anyway). I broke down in tears. I said my goodbyes to the cat and they’re now gone. it has absolutely broken me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 9 minutes ago, riverdeep33 said: I said my goodbyes to the cat and they’re now gone. Sorry this happened. Good your friend was there. Stay surrounded by your dearest friends and family right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 Said sorry, for taking the cat? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 I'm sincerely sorry you're going through this, but glad that the cat transfer has been done. Now you can have a much more clear path forward to healing and putting this long troubled relationship behind you. Keep your loved ones and true friends close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riverdeep33 Posted April 13, 2023 Author Share Posted April 13, 2023 It’s all so sad. I’m worried about the distress the cat is probably feeling now; having not left my side since birth and will never see me again. So terrible. I know he will be looked after but so unnecessary. I now just feel empty and so incredibly alone. my friends are already moving to the normal Post support phase (ie their lives have gone on which I get), and I just feel very lost. I’ve no idea what lies ahead and that scares me To death. I still don’t want to be alive and I don’t see myself here this time next year. I’ve started counselling and all I can say is I’ll try. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 These words are alarming. Do not be ashamed to call your local suicide prevention hotline. Shout out to you for seeking counseling, dor being brave enough to write on this forum and for being smart enough to confide in friends. You have the skills you need to survive and thrive. Even if you don’t feel that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 10 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: I still don’t want to be alive and I don’t see myself here this time next year. I’ve started counselling and all I can say is I’ll try. This is extremely concerning. Please contact crisis intervention in your area immediately. They are there to help support you through these thoughts and navigate the pain you are feeling now. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 12 hours ago, riverdeep33 said: It’s all so sad. I’m worried about the distress the cat is probably feeling now; having not left my side since birth and will never see me again. So terrible. I know he will be looked after but so unnecessary. Then why didn't you stand your ground and tell him straight that you were keeping the cat? You stood there and let him reduce you to a mess and take the one thing you cared about. You let him do it but you didn't have to. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stret Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 (edited) I'm afraid that years from now you will feel you betrayed yourself. Edited April 14, 2023 by Stret 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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