My ex and I will work for the same company

[Marie0901]

Dear community,

My story is probably the best example of how small the world is, and I would really appreciate some advice.

I met my ex 2,5 years ago. I‘m German, he is French, and we both were abroad in another country in Europe when we were together. He was there for work, I was there for studies, and we dated for a few months.

I still consider him as the love of my life. I had 2 shorter relationships after him and I also had relationships before him, but I never had such strong feelings for anyone. 

The story ended really ugly. I was the first whose time abroad ended and I returned to Germany. He returned 3 months after me to France. When I left the country, he broke up because long-distance would be too painful and his ex who was a long-distance relationship too, cheated on him, so he can‘t do long distance. He drove me to the airport and broke up there. We never talked again since that, for 2 years. I was devastated. 

I continued my life, finished my master‘s degree, and I never got to know what he did or where he went after. We kept each other on social media, but we both never post anything, so we didn’t have updates about each other‘s lives.

Then, I landed my absolute dream job, and I posted my new position on my facebook page, because I was so proud. Weeks after this post, he messaged me out of the blue, for the first time after 2 years of silence. He said congrats to my new position, he said he is working there now too and „we will see each other in the cantine ☺️“

You can imagine how shocked I was. I applied to the position in another city, but the company called me and asked if I could start in the headquarters instead, in city X, as they feel like I would be a better fit in their team there. And so we landed in the same country, the same company, and even in the same city… 

I‘m insecure if I‘m still interested in him. Based on his social media, he is also single. On the one hand, I don‘t think I could trust him the same way again. If one has a career, like we both successfully do, it can happen that we must change cities, and then he would drop me again? On the other hand, I had very strong feelings back then and not a day has passed by without me thinking about him at least for a moment every day… I also don‘t know why he messaged me if he hasn‘t texted for 2 years and I haven’t reached out either. It is a huge company and we will work in very different departments and not even in the same building. I don‘t know if he just wants to be a polite „colleague“, or if he might still be interested and the text was a first step towards me again… I haven’t answered the message yet as I don‘t know what to do. I was considering not to answer at all, but I also think this might be the chance to sit down, talk and get my closure. 

Any advices?

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Marie0901 said:

. He said congrats to my new position, he said he is working there now too and „we will see each other in the cantine ☺️“

 

Fascinating coincidence. Are you both in the same profession? Just say "see you in the cantine". Try to relax and enjoy your new endeavor. Perhaps the flame will reignite, perhaps you'll be friends, but it's too soon to tell.

[basil67]

35 minutes ago, Marie0901 said:

On the one hand, I don‘t think I could trust him the same way again. If one has a career, like we both successfully do, it can happen that we must change cities, and then he would drop me again?

I can understand his unwillingness to do long distance and I really don't think he did anything wrong.  If a couple gets serious, they will generally make the active decision to work in the same area.  Sure, a relationship can survive sporadic travel, but not upping and leaving to reside in another country.  

My guess is that he contacted you because he's hoping to catch up.  Perhaps he misses you too?   And if the two of you are both wanting to rekindle, it could well work - but only if you both make the commitment to be there for each other.   You'd both have to choose between a committed relationship or freedom to up and leave for a dream job.   

[Marie0901]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Fascinating coincidence. Are you both in the same profession? Just say "see you in the cantine". Try to relax and enjoy your new endeavor. Perhaps the flame will reignite, perhaps you'll be friends, but it's too soon to tell.

Hi :) Yes, we are both in the aviation industry, but in entirely different departments (engineering vs. business with aviation specialization)

[JTSW]

What has trust got to do with it?

He didn't do anything wrong, just what was best for both of you at the time.

You're overthinking things at the moment and getting way ahead of yourself.

Respond to his msg thanking him and enjoy your dream job.

Whatever happens with him you can tackle at that time.