sunbum Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 (edited) I have been married for 17 years. You would think I would understand marriage by now but I don't I do. You see ..I grew up in a home that was near perfect. My parents never insulted, yelled or disrespected each other. In my marriage if I don't have the same opinion as husband he yells and calls me [offensive names]. If I don't do my "womanly chores ". I'm a [ ]. Which I keep my house very clean. I make all the money and pay all the bills. Stack and bring in wood. He accuses me of cheating, chatting on line with people. I can't have any friends. When I need to talk to him about something that is bothering me he tells me to shut my [ ] big trap or he tells me to quit the bla bla bla. That nothing that comes out of my mouth is Worth listening. I graduated from collage and have done well for myself. I work out every day and would say that I look at least 10 years younger than I am. But my self esteem is really low. I've been so depressed. I literally have no one to talk to. I don't want to live my life like this and wonder if it's me or is this normal behavior in a marriage. I want so.badly to have a best friend I my husband and be loved. I have so much to give and he just makes me not want to even be around him. Please some advise. Edited March 28, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, sunbum said: . I make all the money and pay all the bills. Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship, but on some level you know this. Does he have substance abuse or mental health issues? Your best recourse is to free yourself from the abuse. Privately and confidentiality consult an attorney for your options in the event of divorce. Do not tell him or threaten divorce. Enlist the help of a qualified therapist for clarity and ongoing support. You can speak your mind and get help removing yourself from the abuse. Talk to trusted friends and family. You need to carefully plan to extricate yourself from this, at the same time, act as if everything is normal until you're ready to file for divorce and leave. Do not discuss your feelings with an abuser. Act bland and boring while you plan your departure. Check all your credit cards, bank accounts, credit scores assets and finances. Get a PO box and burner phone to communicate with attorneys. Edited March 28, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 Yes you have an abusive husband who is not going to change. Why haven't you left him? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 9 hours ago, sunbum said: is this normal behavior in a marriage You know that it isn't. You're in an abusive marriage. The only advice I can suggest in good faith is that you leave him. This is not a relationship worth saving. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 This is far from a normal marriage. He is a very abusive husband. He is disgusting and his treatment of you is appalling. Start documenting the abuse and record him without him knowing. Does he have access to the money you earn? If so, you need to open another private account and start transferring it so he cant get his hands on it. Make sure you are financially secure and serve him divorce papers. Don't put up with the POS another day. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 20 hours ago, sunbum said: In my marriage if I don't have the same opinion as husband he yells and calls me [offensive names]. If I don't do my "womanly chores ". I'm a [ ]. Tell him one time that you will not be treated like that. And get ready to leave. Nobody deserves to be with someone who disrespects them like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunbum Posted April 11, 2023 Author Share Posted April 11, 2023 Thank you for all your support and advise. I think i already know what I need to do. It's just hard. I must have hundreds of acquaintances but no close friends. I apologize for my language in my post. I was literally using his words verboten. I will be careful in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 11, 2023 Share Posted April 11, 2023 @sunbum don't apologise for anything. We're all here for you Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 11, 2023 Share Posted April 11, 2023 2 hours ago, sunbum said: I apologize for my language in my post. I was literally using his words verboten. I will be careful in the future. Don’t apologize. This is the part where you need to step up, be bold and be brave. Leaving an abusive spouse requires all your guts. Link to post Share on other sites
Uther2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Share Posted April 18, 2023 You deserve someone who loves and supports you. Be strong, and take the first step to remove yourself from this toxic relationship. We are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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