Sydneyxox Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 (edited) I've been casually seeing this guy since August. Recently he told me that he let his bestfriend (that's a woman and her child stay with him). He said he's known her for 10 years and that he's trying to help her. He told me that he doesn't have any peace in his house that it's stressful. And that everyone told him not to let her move in with him. He also told me that his mom has Cancer and that he is currently laid off. I told him to let me know if he needs anything. I told him that he's too nice and that there is nothing wrong with helping people. But not to the extent of it being a problem for him. And that he should really focus on his mom at this time. That he doesn't need the extra stress. I'm not sure why he told me all this? Because we are just hooking up. Edited March 30, 2023 by Sydneyxox Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 32 minutes ago, Sydneyxox said: I'm not sure why he told me all this? Because we are just hooking up. I don't see why he wouldn't. He's just venting to you. That's all. Do you want it to mean something more? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 F is for "Friends" and this sounds like something one friend would say to another. Check in with yourself - perhaps you see him just as a casual sex partner and not really an FWB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 30, 2023 Author Share Posted March 30, 2023 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't see why he wouldn't. He's just venting to you. That's all. Do you want it to mean something more? People say friends with benefits is only about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 9 minutes ago, Sydneyxox said: People say friends with benefits is only about sex. Nah, not necessarily. I had a couple FWBs in my day. We shot the breeze about everything, and had no-strings sex as well. But as I asked, do you hope it means something more that he is telling you these things? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 30, 2023 Author Share Posted March 30, 2023 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Nah, not necessarily. I had a couple FWBs in my day. We shot the breeze about everything, and had no-strings sex as well. But as I asked, do you hope it means something more that he is telling you these things? I'm not sure why you're asking me do I hope it means something more? That's not what I'm implying I simply wasn't expecting him to share this with me. Being as though we haven't known each other for that long. And because we are just hooking up for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 1 hour ago, Sydneyxox said: He also told me that his mom has Cancer and that he is currently laid off Unfortunately it seems like he's letting you know he's going to be very busy and has too much on his plate. That may mean he'll have to focus more on these things than your arrangement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 30, 2023 Author Share Posted March 30, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately it seems like he's letting you know he's going to be very busy and has too much on his plate. That may mean he'll have to focus more on these things than your arrangement. He was letting me know what has been going on with him he did not say that he didn't want to see me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 That something is primarily about sex doesn't mean they can't talk about stuff. Even sex workers are familiar with having a chat with clients if that's part of what the client wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 I probably would tell what he told you to anybody who would listen if I needed to vent. What do you expect, him to just come over, take his clothes off, do the deed and just leave without saying anything at all? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 Au contraire, you guys aren't robots. Only a certifiable (pre-advanced AI robot) would withhold that his mom has cancer. Really, this shocks you? In fact, it often goes the other way: because you guys lack an official commitment, he lets his guard down because he's not worrying about managing your reactions. By the way, sitting quietly on all that he's going through might even impair his arousal. Now let's get to the real question you're dancing around. Did you feel close to him when he revealed this? Sounds like you did comfort him. BTW: people open up to call girls and sex workers ALL THE TIME! There are sex walkers who will recount how much of their job involved empathetic listening to people and their life struggles. You're much closer to him than a call girl is. Now givitup: how much do you like him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 4 hours ago, Sydneyxox said: People say friends with benefits is only about sex. Mmmmm that's more of a f-buddy type setup. A FWB can actually be a pretty cool friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 (edited) Despite the commonly held belief that men are emotionless robots, they do enjoy emotional intimacy like anyone else. It's worth noting that him seeking emotional support by sharing personal stories about his mother and another woman with you may not necessarily indicate emotional intimacy, but rather a need for individual emotional support. And, you're there to give it to him, so, why not? Edited March 31, 2023 by Alpacalia 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 I'd like to add that sex doesn't exist in a void. If sex is really and truly sex only, it really means that each of you is using the other as nothing more than a masturbatory object. But most of us want that human connection to some degree. Talking is part of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 9 hours ago, Sydneyxox said: he let his bestfriend that's a woman and her child stay with him). He said he's known her for 10 years and that he's trying to help her. Are you worried about him living with his female friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 8 hours ago, Sydneyxox said: I'm not sure why you're asking me do I hope it means something more? Sometimes people ask these questions because they're hoping their FWB has deeper feelings, and they're looking for signs. So, is it correct to assume you don't like him as more than a FWB? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 11 hours ago, Sydneyxox said: He was letting me know what has been going on with him he did not say that he didn't want to see me anymore. It means that he felt like talking about it at the time you happened to be around him. Could have been a buddy or, if he drinks, a stranger sitting next to him in a bar. Don't take it personally. If he wanted to be closer to you he would make sure you were not under the impression that you're just a booty call to him. Please stop tying yourself into knots trying to make this hookup deal into something different. It's bad for your mental health. Be honest with yourself. If you'd like to have a boyfriend, hold out for a man who wants you to be his girlfriend. You're wasting your time on this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 13 hours ago, Sydneyxox said: I'm not sure why he told me all this? Because we are just hooking up. Because you're friends, right? Are you not comfortable with him talking to you about his troubles? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 9 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: It means that he felt like talking about it at the time you happened to be around him. Could have been a buddy or, if he drinks, a stranger sitting next to him in a bar. Don't take it personally. If he wanted to be closer to you he would make sure you were not under the impression that you're just a booty call to him. Please stop tying yourself into knots trying to make this hookup deal into something different. It's bad for your mental health. Be honest with yourself. If you'd like to have a boyfriend, hold out for a man who wants you to be his girlfriend. You're wasting your time on this. Don't take it personal? That doesn't make any sense being as though what he's saying is in fact personal. Who said he had me under the impression that I was just a booty call to him? Not everyone shares personal things with strangers or just any random person. That depends on the particular person everyone isn't the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 16 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Despite the commonly held belief that men are emotionless robots, they do enjoy emotional intimacy like anyone else. It's worth noting that him seeking emotional support by sharing personal stories about his mother and another woman with you may not necessarily indicate emotional intimacy, but rather a need for individual emotional support. And, you're there to give it to him, so, why not? Yeah, I get that he probably needs emotional support right now. That's why I engaged with him but It's not expected. Being as though we haven't known each other very long. Honestly, I'm not good when it comes to providing emotional support. Because I have trouble expressing my own emotions. I did tell him to let me know if he needed anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 48 minutes ago, Sydneyxox said: Yeah, I get that he probably needs emotional support right now. That's why I engaged with him but It's not expected. Being as though we haven't known each other very long. Honestly, I'm not good when it comes to providing emotional support. Because I have trouble expressing my own emotions. I did tell him to let me know if he needed anything. It's alright. Try not to attach any additional significance to it beyond what it already has. We often tend to assign significance to things because we seek deeper meaning. This is perfectly natural, and you're not alone in this. If you feel comfortable offering emotional support and enjoy each other's company, that's perfectly fine. Bear in mind that it's entirely optional though, and there's no pressure for you to do it. It is not a good idea to be emotionally supportive in a casual sex relationship. Casual sex relationships should remain casual, and any emotional connection is likely to complicate things. If you are looking for an emotionally supportive relationship, then it is best to pursue a more committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 strangers with no benefits talk about things like that Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Sydneyxox said: . I did tell him to let me know if he needed anything. That's all you need to do. Let him reach out. You're FWB, so being kind is fine, but he has others for support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 he may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me s 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: That's all you need to do. Let him reach out. You're FWB, so being kind is fine, but he has others for support. He may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me so... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sydneyxox Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: strangers with no benefits talk about things like that Really? Because I wouldn't talk to a stranger about things like this. Link to post Share on other sites
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