ThatGuy2 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 I dated a girl for a while, then she told me she sees no point of us continuing dating if it is not going anywhere. I told her she has to step out of her comfort zone and just trust the flow. She accepted and everything was fine. She then went on and prob talked to her friends, 2 days later she comes back and says she never liked me in the 1st place. I talk with one of her friends later that evening, which happens to be my friend too, she tells me I called her damaged when I said step out of your comfort zone, and that she is disgusted by me, and I am arrogant and condescending and basically a narcissist. Now the girl I really liked hates me and isn’t willing to talk with me after 2 months. What should I do, I still really like her. Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 What you need to learn to do is accept rejection gracefully. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 42 minutes ago, ThatGuy2 said: What should I do, I still really like her. What you should do is recognize that you can't always get what you want. She doesn't feel the way you do. You need to accept that this is over, so you can let go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, ThatGuy2 said: . I told her she has to step out of her comfort zone and just trust the flow. Unfortunately you're not compatible. She's looking for a serious relationship and "going with the flow", rather than perhaps being exclusive, wasn't what she was looking for. However her reaction seems a bit extreme. In the future avoid statements such as "has to step out of her comfort zone and just trust the flow". It's too wishy-washy and ambiguous. Dating is to get to know each other, not tell each other what to do. . Edited March 31, 2023 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 (edited) Maybe you need to learn to be more empathic to what a girl is feeling and learn to accommodate instead of being opinionated. If she is angry, give her, her space. If she reaches out to you, then you apologize and hopefully she will give you another chance. If not, keep your distance. You get in her space, it will only agarvate the situation more. Edited March 31, 2023 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 This whole concept of "winning someone back" needs to go away. It's not how life works and it's completely disrespectful. If they have told you that they don't want to be with you anymore, that's not your cue to start chasing them or pressuring them to change their mind. It's your responsibility to accept what the other person is saying, face reality, and move on with your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 21 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: This whole concept of "winning someone back" needs to go away. It's not how life works and it's completely disrespectful. ^^This. It's like the person who has been dumped has complete disregard for the thoughts and desires of the person who chose to break it off. As if they don't have the right. As if they owe the dumper one or more chances to prove themselves worthy, or show that the dumper is making a mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 1, 2023 Share Posted April 1, 2023 IF you're genuinely a nice person, assume she is the problem, accept the situation for what it is, and move on. While it happens, "getting someone back" is rare. Also there's no reason to put your life on hold. IF she's going to come back to you, MOST of that is going to come from her, not you. Because of that, and the low probability, it makes perfect sense to just move on, look for other, etc. If she comes back (very unlikely), she comes back, and if she doesn't, you didn't spend months putting your romantic life on hold for a low probability event. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1, 2023 Share Posted April 1, 2023 11 hours ago, ThatGuy2 said: I dated a girl for a while, then she told me she sees no point of us continuing dating if it is not going anywhere. I told her she has to step out of her comfort zone and just trust the flow. Yes, that was an arrogant thing to say: not only did you completely dismiss her concerns, but you responded by telling her what to think. If you want her back, the only way to possibly achieve this is to tell her that she's right. Tell her that you recognise your arrogance, and how you weren't giving her needs the importance they deserve. Tell her that you want a future with her and will do what it takes to make this relationship progress. Now, you haven't told us what it is she wants, but you need to take the next step. Whether that be becoming official, proposing marriage or divorcing a wife, make a firm move to show that you're serious. That said, I think there is only a remote chance of success. You'd have to do some serious groveling without once defending yourself. And that you'd need to understand that in her heart of hearts she knows that you really didn't want this progression, so you couldn't drop the ball on continuing this progression 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 On 3/31/2023 at 7:30 PM, ThatGuy2 said: she tells me I called her damaged She had to tell you? Don't you know what you said? Ask yourself how words leave your mouth without you realizing about the consequences. Men and women generally have different sensitivities, but by saying that to her face you really messed up. What was your message? You don't think high of her, you think she's baggage. If you really think that, then move on. If you feel you didn't mean it, then let her know. By apologizing profusely. And then you need to make up your mind and decide where she stands. I agree with basil67. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 How is 'step out of your comfort zone' calling her damaged? First of all, regardless of wanting her back or not, set her straight. Tell her that she got it wrong and that was NOT what you said or was implying at all. She sounds immature and too influenced by friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 It's not clear why she labelled you a "narcissist" based on what you've shared (unless there was more to it). That's a big leap. If you tell her to "just trust the flow" it can come across as dismissive of her feelings and desires for a relationship, making it difficult for her to trust you. It's an inadvertent way of telling her not to trust her own feelings and instincts. Perhaps it is too late to scale back, and you've done what you could. That is all you can do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
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