Should I try to make contact with her on her birthday?

[htrj]

Hi everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read this…. in some ways I hope I’ll simply find the act of explaining what’s happened therapeutic, although I’ll be very interested to read your thoughts.

Just before last Christmas I met a woman i thought was wonderful in a beautiful little Cotswold pub, in England. We had an instant rapport, great chemistry and a connection like no other I had ever experienced. We kept dating after that, she stayed at mine, I stayed at hers, I was building a good relationship with her little boy and then one day we had a silly row. She said something I didn’t like and i stood up to her for it. My language was colourful and given my time again I’d have phrased what I had to say very differently….. later i apologised to her and explained why I’d been bad tempered and why I didn’t like what she’d said (she’d basically called me lazy at a time I was really busy with no one else to help out, and I was in a bad mood because of it. She wasn’t to know that though) but shortly before Valentine’s Day we had a chat over the phone and she said she didn’t want to continue seeing me because of our row. In the days between our row and our break up she had said some other disrespectful things to me……. she was angry at me by then though, so I can sort of account for her [behaviour].
 

so that’s how we get to where we are now. It was a short enough affair but utterly intoxicating while it lasted, for me, anyway…. but she did tell me she loved me, and I’m sure she meant it.

Since then I’ve dated a few times, had some great nights out with women I’d ordinarily be attracted to, but I just don’t get that spark that I had with her. Im sure it will come eventually and I’ll keep trying but right now I just realise how much I was in love with her. 
 

Her birthday is coming up later this month. She’s blocked me on her phone so I take that as a reasonable gauge of how much contact she wants to have with me….. but I’m still tempted to send her a card accompanied by a cheerful note in the hope that we can talk again. I’m not expecting miracles, but I’m sure  she felt for me what I felt for her so my mind just prays there is something in her that might just open the door a little for me. 
 

So what would you do? A big bit of me says walk away and just find someone else. Another bit of me says she’ll make my life hell even if she does open up again…… but there just a niggling little bit of me wants this to become a learning experience for each of us and not the end of the road. Would a card be too much? I really don’t want to do anything that causes her any upset, and certainly not on her birthday. 
 

thanks for reading this far. I’m expecting to be told to stop being a fool and go find someone else……. but aren’t we all a little foolish for love? 

Edited April 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, htrj said:

. She’s blocked me on her phone so I take that as a reasonable gauge of how much contact she wants to have with me….. but I’m still tempted 

Sorry this happened. However sending a card to circumvent a block is not a good idea.

[basil67]

Blocking you is establishing boundaries, so sending a card, even a friendly card, is a breach of those boundaries. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, htrj said:

she’s blocked me on her phone so I take that as a reasonable gauge of how much contact she wants to have with me

Exactly. Heed this. She wants zero contact from you, and I can almost guarantee she will not be happy to receive a card from you. 

Don't proceed with this idea. 

[Acacia98]

Please don't resume communication with her. Apart from the fact that she has set a clear boundary, someone whom you met just before Christmas had no business introducing you to her little boy before Valentine's. The fact that she introduced you to her child so easily then took you out of the kid's life just as easily tells you that she's not putting the kid's welfare first when it comes to her dating life. If you are going to date women who have kids, you need to be aware of this kind of thing.

I very strongly suspect (based on the details in your original post) that row or no row, this relationship would have ended anyway. So, don't make the mistake of romanticizing the relationship and putting her on a pedestal. She was just human like you, and she had flaws (just like you). 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, htrj said:

 I’ve dated a few times, had some great nights out with women I’d ordinarily be attracted to, but I just don’t get that spark 

Work on this rather than reminiscing. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. Not everyone will be a match or have instant chemistry, but free yourself and your mind to explore other options.

[htrj]

Thanks for helping me "check in".... i knew that was the answer myself but the little voice in my head said otherwise. We weren't right for each other long term, we rushed into it and it all went "bang" very quickly. Nonetheless, I have no intention of upsetting her and despite how I feel, i can't help but worry about her feeling upset about what happened. 

Id love to see an example of a great mens dating profile. When women meet me out and about I seem to give a great impression. Although i'm certainly not perfect, I'm articulate, charming, charismatic, chatty, but getting the ladies I like off the website and out into the real world seems incredibly tough....... where can I learn to make the very best impression with a dating profile? ive been told the profile I have is a pleasure to read, but there must be room for improvement. 

Edited April 2, 2023 by htrj

[basil67]

6 hours ago, htrj said:

Although i'm certainly not perfect, I'm articulate, charming, charismatic, chatty, but getting the ladies I like off the website and out into the real world seems incredibly tough.......

If you're all of this, then meeting women in real life is your way to go.   Particularly in social situations when you're with a group of friends.    You'll meet less people, but those who agree to go out with you will already have decided that you're worth going on a date with

[htrj]

Meeting in public is so hit and miss though. Although it happened for me with the lady in question it doesn't happen like that often enough. At least with OLD you know so much more about the person before you begin talking......... providing you can get them talking. 

I just don't know why I struggle to get those breakthroughs with OLD aswell. There are women that I see would be very well suited to me, but i just never seem to get a response from them whereas if I approach someone like this ex i can get talking and then have a few months of fun with apparently disastrous consequences. I don't want to put myself or anyone else through that regularly. 

Why is it so hard to meet someone with a similar outlook on life and just has something that generates some physical attraction and who feels the same about me? If I wasnt so tenacious id have given up by now. 

[semble]

A block is about as clear a message as you can possibly get.

To simply disregard it by sending anything, any time is disrespectful and doesn't put you in a good light.

Odds are she'll throw it away in disgust.

 

 

[Bluesandy]

Stay in the no contact zone...for sure...  If she liked you, she will forget the bad times and will get back to you with even more envy.. Could take months however, but only way to go if you want to go back with her.. If not, it will be worse, I can bet you anything.....