Need your opinion

[piequisui]

I need to get another persons opinion on someone. I have this guy who we clicked instantly since we met in November. He had a girlfriend but I felt that there was a mutual attraction there. He was touchy feely, always was chatting to me, asking me to open up and let down my walls with him, inviting me to come visit him back home after the season.

We can talk about anything and everything and we lose hours just chatting away. In January he was distant and we were all stressed at work and then at some stage he kept messaging and calling to see if i was free to grab a drink. As luck would have it quite often i was not available or vice versa. One night i went to grab a drink with him, he was already out with another friend and he got again really touchy feely telling me he missed me and how he was always finding excuses to come see me in my office and he knew that i was doing the same. Yes we both always go to one another to chit chat at work, he more so than i. and what is more is he would call in the evenings with a work question which he and i knew could wait for following day but it was an excuse in my eyes for him just to call and chat. Anyway i eventually learnt from him that he had broken up with his girlfriend in january. I also learnt that he had been sleeping with another girl and i asked him about it and he seemed upset that i heard learnt about it. He is going on a business trip for a few days and was asking me to come and although i would love to i have to work, but isnt it weird he would ask me these things.

We have these moments when we are inseparable, last week we spent 2 evenings just chilling, etc and it was lovely. Spent the whole night just talking and he really opened up telling me things about his past and his childhood. Again i feel that he has the same feelings for me but then this week although we still talk and all at work i feel we dont have as much of that spark and attraction as we did last week. am i reading into this. Also at the same time, why would he not make a move if we spent so much time together, could it be that maybe he is seeing me differently than what i feel, basically he doesnt make a move because he sees me just as a friend

Also to add as we work in a seasonal job he leaves in 2 weeks to go work elsewhere in the summer but will be back come october.. He keeps pushing me to come visit him and i will try but i am really gutted that what we built in terms of habits is going to come crashing down as i have gotten attached..

[ShyViolet]

The fact that he has asked you to come on a business trip with him, and to "come visit him" but has never asked you on a proper date, it really sounds like he is just seeing if he can get sex from you but isn't trying to properly date you.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, piequisui said:

 he leaves in 2 weeks to go work elsewhere in the summer but will be back come october.. 

Perhaps this is one of those "enjoy it while it lasts" situations. If he's flirting with you when he has a GF and sleeping with others, he could be a player.

[BaileyB]

15 hours ago, piequisui said:

i am really gutted that what we built in terms of habits is going to come crashing down as i have gotten attached..

Respectfully, it doesn’t sound like you’ve built anything with the man. You’ve talked and hung out a few times - and during that time, you are aware that he has had a girlfriend and he’s putting the moves on you and getting all touchy feely. Is that not a HUGE turn-off for you? It would be for me - I wouldn’t give him the time of day. He’s leaving in two weeks, I would wish him well and find someone local to date. 

Edited April 3, 2023 by BaileyB

[NuevoYorko]

He really sounds like a creep who enjoys messing around. 

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, piequisui said:

what we built

You haven't built anything, though. 

He gives you attention, yes. But he sounds like a complete skeeze. He was chatting you up when he had a girlfriend, which should have raised alarm bells for you. Then you find out he's also sleeping with someone else. That's completely within his rights, of course, but it says something about the kind of guy you're dealing with - and so does this:

19 hours ago, piequisui said:

He is going on a business trip for a few days and was asking me to come and although i would love to i have to work, but isnt it weird he would ask me these things.

Yes, it's werid, because it means he is looking for sex. He hasn't actually asked you out, on a real date. He could have by now, if he'd wanted to. But he's not interested in that or he would have made it happen. He's trying to keep things very casual and maybe sleep with you. 

[JTSW]

Obviously, we don't know him so we don't really know how his mind works.

He seems to be really into you but the fact he has never asked you out on a proper date is confusing.

Maybe just ask him if there is something between you that maybe you could both explore.

[mark clemson]

To me it sounds like he's getting to know you. He probably likes you BUT if he already has someone else else he's sleeping with he may not want to "escalate" whatever is between you to sex. Often for men, physical stuff is "cheating" but emotional stuff, even spending time together, isn't. So, being interested in you (and you getting interested reciprocally) he is sort of going right up to a line but not crossing it. (That's in HIS mind, his current squeeze might feel differently.)

So, it's a sort of "friendship with romantic implications" (but not actual romance) for now. That would be my read on the situation. Whether it becomes "more" will depend on a lot of things - how available you actually are to be in a relationship, what happens between him and his current lady, life changes (e.g. with the work situations) etc, etc.

You might be better served moving on from this, as there seem to be a lot of obstacles here - distance, an existing love interest, etc. Maybe accept it for "whatever it was" (you might call it "heavy flirting" or initial pair bonding or similar) and call it day, rather than spending lots of time on "chasing" him with all these barriers existing in the situation.

It's a bit odd that you posted this under Other Woman as he's unmarried and, being uncommitted, can perfectly legitimately multi-date as he sees fit. However, I guess it marginally fits since he's seeing someone else too. And if I'm reading the situation right, the someone else is probably why he didn't simply sleep with you. He probably would feel guilty about it and recognizes that at some level.

Edited April 3, 2023 by mark clemson