MarkV Posted April 7, 2023 Share Posted April 7, 2023 Hi everyone Thanks for taking the time to read this message,you find me in a time of hurt and confusion. I met a girl who I connected with very quickly and we started dating in November. She’s a lovely girl but I quickly realised that she has been hurt numerous times in the past and was guarded when it came to revealing any feelings or emotions. She openly said that she has generalised anxiety and that her brain doesn’t stop. We went through our previous breakups at similar times and both had common ground. This was frustrating but I wanted to stick by as the connection when we were together was great and real. I did find at times that I would be the one to take the initiative on plans etc and when I gave compliments she’d never say much back. When she had an operation I offered to take care of her. She’s an independent person and enjoys her own space etc. Fast forward and we planned to take a weekend trip for my bday at the end of April. We went to the theatre on Tuesday and she was very tired as her anxiety and depression had taken hold the day before and she had two hours sleep. The next day I asked if she was ok and how she was feeling and I got this reply. I’m absolutely gutted as I really liked this girl. I’m going to go NC. Please let me know your thoughts etc: Her Message: “If I’m totally honest, my mind is very screwed at the moment and I don’t really know what I’m thinking or feeling about anything. I feel bad that it’s making you question where you stand though and I am sorry for that, I’d never do that intentionally. I think I need to work on myself and deal with a lot of things (recent things and historical things) before I can even attempt another relationship. It wouldn’t be fair on you or me. In fact, right at this point, I genuinely have no idea what I want for the future either. I thought I was quite sure about all that, but it turns out I’m really not! I don’t think I’m in any position to give you what you want or need from a partner. In hindsight, I probably jumped back into the dating world a bit too quick after my break up and didn’t give myself anywhere near long enough to process it all and try to move on and heal from it. Some people are able to move on very quickly but unfortunately I don’t seem to be one of them, as much as I’d like to be. I think I need to be on my own for a while and be a bit selfish for once and focus fully on myself. I’ve lost sight of who I am recently (as cringey and cliche as that sounds) and I need to sort that. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I feel bloody awful. But I think the best thing I can do right now is cut things off with us and let you go and find someone who’s more compatible overall and on the same page as you. You’re such a decent guy so I don’t want you to think this is any reflection on you, it’s all on me. Sorry again ☹️” Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 7, 2023 Share Posted April 7, 2023 39 minutes ago, dv123 said: . You’re such a decent guy so I don’t want you to think this is any reflection on you, it’s all on me. Sorry again ☹️ Sorry this is happening. It's sad however she seems sincere that it's her not being ready willing or able to be in a relationship at this time. No contact is a good idea right now so you can reflect and regroup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 7, 2023 Share Posted April 7, 2023 I'm not sure what your question is. Just accept what she has said, keep it no-contact and move on. The reasons she gave could very well be white lies to let you down easy, when the reality is that she is just not interested in a relationship with you. Don't read too much into it. This is how it goes quite often in dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 7, 2023 Share Posted April 7, 2023 I know it sucks to be on the receiving end of this but everything she said makes sense. And it's admirable that she was able to share this with you. It's never about finding the right person... It's about finding the right person, in the right place, at the right time, in the right head and heart space. We humans are moving targets. Always changing and evolving. I would thank her for her candor and go no contact. Consider yourself man hugged. Mrin Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted April 8, 2023 Share Posted April 8, 2023 12 hours ago, dv123 said: Her Message: “If I’m totally honest, my mind is very screwed at the moment and I don’t really know what I’m thinking or feeling about anything. I feel bad that it’s making you question where you stand though and I am sorry for that, I’d never do that intentionally. I think I need to work on myself and deal with a lot of things (recent things and historical things) before I can even attempt another relationship. It wouldn’t be fair on you or me. In fact, right at this point, I genuinely have no idea what I want for the future either. I thought I was quite sure about all that, but it turns out I’m really not! I don’t think I’m in any position to give you what you want or need from a partner. In hindsight, I probably jumped back into the dating world a bit too quick after my break up and didn’t give myself anywhere near long enough to process it all and try to move on and heal from it. Some people are able to move on very quickly but unfortunately I don’t seem to be one of them, as much as I’d like to be. I think I need to be on my own for a while and be a bit selfish for once and focus fully on myself. I’ve lost sight of who I am recently (as cringey and cliche as that sounds) and I need to sort that. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I feel bloody awful. But I think the best thing I can do right now is cut things off with us and let you go and find someone who’s more compatible overall and on the same page as you. You’re such a decent guy so I don’t want you to think this is any reflection on you, it’s all on me. Sorry again ☹️” Sounds like a very nice variation of "It is not you, it is me" message. Seriously, I mean, it took her 5 month of dating you to figure out that she is not ready to date? Doesn't make sense. I would say that she probably doesn't believe that the two of you are compatible or have a future together. There could be some dealbreakers that she could not overlook. Not saying that you actually did anything wrong here. It is what it is. But don't be surprised if you see her active on a dating site soon enough or if you find out that she is dating someone else (perhaps her ex is back in the picture). But I have to give to her. She sounds like a nice person and let you down gently. Not that it makes you feel any better. I suggest that you send her a "I wish you all the best, take care" type of e-mail and block her completely everywhere. Best to go no contact. Anyway, virtual hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 8, 2023 Share Posted April 8, 2023 She took the coward's way out of breaking up by sending a message rather than having a real conversation, but I can see that she is trying to be kind in her wording. However, it doesn't change the bottom line that she can't have a relationship with you and wants to call it a day. There is not much you can do but accept that it wasn't working and bow out. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 18, 2023 Share Posted April 18, 2023 You just have to respect her decision and accept that it's over. There's nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
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