My sad story. Me (M31) She (F33) Rebound or monkey branch?

[thelifeofd99]

Hi guys, I've been following this forum for a while and I'd like to tell you my story.

It's quite long so if you don't want to read everything you can go directly to THE END paragraph.

I assure you, however, that it is a beautiful story...

Forgive my broken English but I'm not a native.

PROLOGUE

I first met this girl in 2015 at university. She was engaged to a guy I knew.

As she later told me, she fell in love with me as soon as she saw me. In fact, she began by adding me on FB and messaging me in an increasingly explicit way.

I was sad for her boyfriend and I remember her writing things like "it's not a disease to be engaged".

When we got together she told me that she had left the ex because she didn't love him while with me she would never have done it because she loved me madly ...

In the first years of relationship she was mad in love for me, everything was good, even sex. I remember our first trip together in Nice, we had a big attraction and we had sex many times every day. She was my first girlfriend, I was her third boyfriend...

Not everything was perfect. I noticed some red flags. She was very  very gelous of me, she went of fb to see every girl i liked on FB also from many years before (2013, for example o_o).Despite this, I began to love her but not like her loved me. She used to write me a lot of love letters and she was mad in love to me (she dreamed about wedding, kids,  etc). At that time we did not work yet, we were two students.

In 2018 we started a post graduate master together and also there I remember she was extremly gelous of me, she wanted to see my phone, she was mad if I talked to another girl.... I accepted everything but was mad too to her because while she didn't want me to talk to some girl that she hated....she talked to this girls pretending she liked them....
Also that summer she looked at my phone while i was having a shower and got very mad for a call i received from messenger from a girl i didn't know. She seized my phone for all the night waiting for this girl to call me......she didn't because i didn't know her, maybe she call me for a mistake.

In 2019 she moved in another town for a job. Febraury 2019 she had yet anther jelousy crisis (we were going to our hotel room for make love). She entered in my car and found a hair and started to see if that of another woman (that car was also used by my parents).....So i got very angry and i decided to broke up with her....she cried a lot and begged me to not do it. I did it anyway because i was full of her behaviour. 2 weeked later I reached out to her and come back together....

SUmmer 2019: we went in our holiday and i broke up definitely with her because she yelled at me because she tought I watched the waitress ass...lol. I dedided I was full and broke with her during the holiday. After that trip i said goodbye to her and walked away

2019 - 2020
We stayed almost one year without contact, but we were "together in our mind". After 10/11 months i contacted her to ask if she had the post graduate master certification....and after my holiday we dated again...

we both hadn't other experiences in that year. Something chaged... our sexual connection wasn't like before, and she didn't say me "I love you". She said that was because in that year she was hurt, but she learned how to live without me. She said she didn't sai I love you because she was afrid to lose e again..

2021 - 2022

The relationship continued well, even if the sexual part started to be colder than before. we we went on holidays we did it only one time. In the trip of last summer she wanted having sex with me. It was strange but i didn't felt the desire to have sex with her... maybe because I did'n like no more? I had strange feelings about her... I felt like i wasn't myself with her because I was afraid to upset her. Her jelousy wasn't strong like the years before but always there. Everythime i used the phone near to her I felt his eyes on me... I satrted to use my phone only when she wasn't around....I think she did the same! Having suffered from her jelousy in the past years, I was afraid to upset her so when we were together i paid attention to use the phone the elss is possibile.

I had also problems with my job that i don't like ad I felt a little depressed... Every night when we spoke on phone I was always bored/sad... but I liked beign with her!

Dec 2022 - Jan 2023 THE END

The relationship went a little colder. I felt less attracted to her because i was a little depressed. Now I think that also her had a decrease of sexual attraction towards me. She wrote me a letter on the 2nd Jan for our anniversary telling me she loved me and I was a part of her...

In the end of January we went for the first time in Paris....I noticed she's a little strange/cold/sad I don't know. 2 days before we left Paris, at night we were on our bed and she tells me in a very rude way that I don't have sexual drive towards her and that she is unsatisfied in this aspect of our relationship. She tells me that after the first breakup of 2019, she has a less mental attraction towards me and so also physically.... she tells also that she doesn't believe anymore in fairy tales and that she now could find someone else attractive! (that was a little shock because she always loved me and told me I was the only for her....)

I took it bad and that night I didn't sleep and had bad dreams about her with another man.....

The day after I was a little cold thinking about the argument we had the night before. She acts normal and sweet as always....

That day was the last day before we leave Paris. At night we come back in our room. She, as always, being very lazy, just entered the room she goas on the bed with her phone....and I sit next to her....

She says something and I ask what did she say, She yells at me that she didn't say anything and that I was too oppressive! I get angry and go to the bathroom to brush my teeths and then i go to sleep next to her..... I pretend to sleep and I see her typing on her phone...I had a bad feeling about that.

Now, we had a clogged bathroom, and the staff allowed us to use a bathroom on the 1st floor for the last night. That morning around 7:30 am she tells me she need to go to the bathroom.. She leaves her phone in the room and when she left the room I check her phone....

I found out she was texting with a guy on IG... the first thing I wanted to know was if they met.... They don't. He added her in the last days of december and asked what she did in the new years eve. She told him she was whit me (My boyfirend).... Then i noticed that they talked and he was flirting... she liked it.... I remember a flower emoji and her's like on it.... she compliments to him because he can play guitar....

I was shocked and my heart rate increased a lot....

Then I watched that he commented a story of her drinking from a cup....a picture that I take the day before and he says "Bonjur lady". Then he commented another story of Moulin Rouge asking her If she went there...She compleined telling him she was the only to wanted it.... that was a lie because we both were agree that it was too expansive.... He tells her that she would bring her there (yes....everyone is the perfect man on a chat...). Another lie that she tells him is that she does a lot of sports (she never did).... so it was clearly a flirt and she liked it.....I also noticed that she liked a lot of his pictures and so did him.....

I was shocked but I pretended to sleep when she comes back in the room....she lays next to me and felt my heart beating very fast.... I tell her that was because i wake up suddenly when she came back.....

I was very nervous, ad I asked her if she was speaking with someone last night (I never did that and never been jelous). She tells me she wasn't speaking with anyone....ok first lie. I continue to ask her and then she says she doesn't remember if a friend sent her a message on FB or whatsapp.... (another LIE). She finally says she sent a messagge to a friend that asked how was paris... on whatsapp....(another LIE) She tells me that he is a friend of her best friend.

I'm very disappointed and I started to doubt everything she says....I'm very cold to her and I don't even look at her. She tells there was nothing wrong texting with a friend. I wonder if I did that instead of her....she would have been MAD.

We go to lunch and in the bathroom of the restaurant I go to check her best friend IG and notice that that guy doesn't follow her...so that was another LIE. That day passes with me not even looking at her....we come back to our town and I salute her....

The next days are devastating, with me acting cold to her. She sends me messages telling me that I was her heart, she loved me and didn't want to argue with me..... two days later I tell her via phone that i checked her phone and i know him is not a friend o her best friend. She admints and starts so cry and say she wasn't happy anymore with me, she liked to speak with this guy, that I didn't give her attentions ecc....

After two  days (4 febraury)  she comes to me at my house and she left me crying telling me that we are different, we see the life in different ways, that I am depressed, that she think we could be better with a person more similar to us.....

I tell her that we could sort out our problems and stay together better than ever, but she tells me she now wants to live life, stay with her friends, going to dance (she never wanted to and never liked...), and wants to stay be alone....we both cry and she hugs me....

The days later i noticed that i can't see her online on whatsapp (she disabled the online status)

after 10 days on Saint Valentine I noticed that that guy added her also on Linkedin.... So I'm afraid they are dating. I call her but she is with her friends...she acts very cold and says she thinks is a right decision... we speak 10 minutes and then she must leave and tells me to speak 2 days later.

On the 16 evening she says that she can't start another story because she still loves me. She also says that she found out three my likes on a collegue IG profile and she was jelous of that.... she says that she still speaks with that guy because she feel a strong mental affinity with him...

The 20 she sent me a message telling me that I added on IG an ex. She wasn't an ex but a girl I dated for 1 month...10 years ago. I tell her that I'm adding a lot of people and how I deal with my hurt feelings is not her business....

The 21 I sent her a message telling her that her message sounds like a way to clear her conscience... I ask her if she likes somebody else and she tells YES. I call her and we speak 2 hours....She tells me that I'm depressed and this guy is full of joy and makes her feel alive....She only likes to speak with him and for now she doesn't want to start dating because she loves me....she throws things back at me from the past that made her feel bad. I cry telling her that I feel sorry for that and that if we want we could sort out things...but she doesn't want to and almost laugh at me for my desperation....

On the 10 of March I saw her with him holding each other's hands....in the streets that one months ago she walked with me......I'll let you imagine how I felt.... I was destroyed. I don't do anything and I decided to not even text her....

I deleted her number and whatsapp conversation...but 2 days ago (2 montsh after breakup) I added her and she changed her profile pic with one on the seaside of the guy's city.... I felt hurt and deleted her again.

I stalked this guy and he's very different from me....he likes to stay with a lot of people and likes many girls pictures...... I think he was searching for a girl and she added my ex GF but she  could have been  be anyone else....

I don't know what to think....being left for someone she met on IG! After 7 years..... she was lovely until she left me for him.....

Now I don't want to know anything about her... I must focus only on myself. I started going to the gym (i was training at home) and therapy (I hope it will help).

She acted like a teenager nad wasn't honest with me. She treated me like garbage right after she broke with me and changed hee behaviuor towards me very fast...

Is this a rebound or she monkey branched me like she did with her ex 7 years ago? Will it last with this guy?

I'm mad also because she was always jealous of me and obsessed with the phone... and at the end she did what she was afraid that I could do.

I'm in no contact since 21 febraury. She sent me a message on whatsapp on the 28 ttelling me she was sorry for me because I wa alone on my own.....she said she couldn't do anything for me but if I wanted to speak with her she was available. I did not respond....

What do you guys think?

[Weezy1973]

The first flag was actually her leaving her fiancé for you. But I digress. There were so many flags here. Although emotionally you’re reeling, you should be grateful to be rid of her.

 

Try Googling the term “Borderline Personality Disorder” and see if she fits any of those symptoms. Your description of her seems consistent with BPD, and if so, again, be grateful it’s over, even if it is painful in the short term.

 

And do not contact her for any reason. In fact block her on everything so she can’t contact you either. In 6 months to a year, you’ll have moved on.

Edited April 7, 2023 by Weezy1973

[Alpacalia]

Be glad that the relationship ended rather than upset about it. The behavior that she displayed was extremely jealous and possessive, and that type of behavior can severely damage a relationship. It's best to cut ties before things get too bad. 

Since you were part of the troika and can’t escape at least part of the responsibility for her leaving her former beloved, you might ask that question of yourself. How much trust do you have in your own judgment now that you have succeeded in breaking up, with her help of course, the relationship?

There are people who simply don't want to be alone, and will actively search for someone new before ending the relationship with their current partner.

You have to decide if that's a red flag for you.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, thelifeofd99 said:

. I did not respond...

You made the right decision. You dodged a bullet. Even though the relationship was intense, you already know it was toxic. Stay no contact.

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, thelifeofd99 said:

What do you guys think?

That this was an insanely toxic relationship that had no chance in hell of surviving. 

19 hours ago, thelifeofd99 said:

she was lovely until she left me for him....

Huh? Have you read what your own post? She was awful. You are revising history in the course of one single post, man. 

I would suggest you take a big break from dating and block her everywhere. You're making some very poor choices in your love life and don't even seem to recognize how dysfucntional this all was, right from the very beginning.