Would bringing your own condiment be a bad idea during a romantic dinner?

[Alpacalia]

If your date ordered a salad but the restaurant didn't have her favorite dressing.

Then, she told her date she was leaving the restaurant to buy a bottle of dressing at the store across the street. Her date was visibly upset when she returned. Later, he thanked her for the date but decided not to see her again because he felt it was off-putting to leave and go buy a bottle of dressing rather than just eat without it.

 

(disclaimer: this didn't happen to me)

Edited April 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 he thanked her for the date but decided not to see her again because he felt it was off-putting to leave and go buy a bottle of dressing rather than just eat without it.

Was it a first date? Who picked the restaurant?  Next time he could review the menu online to see if they both like things on the menu before picking a place and ordering.  In general, it's best to order something from the menu that you like from a place both people like. 

[Gaeta]

Talk about high maintenance. I would not call her back either. It would send me the message she can't adjust to situations, can't make a small sacrifice, no manners. I would imagine her doing the same while visiting my parents, or be very fussy while vacationning somewhere. 

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't date someone that fussy or lacking in manners. 

[Alpacalia]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Was it a first date? Who picked the restaurant?  Next time he could review the menu online to see if they both like things on the menu before picking a place and ordering.  In general, it's best to order something from the menu that you like from a place both people like. 

The third or fourth date, I think? I'm not sure who chose the restaurant.

When the woman ordered the salad, they initially said they had the dressing she wanted, but then when they brought the salad out they said they were out.

[bene]

Too much fuss for my taste. If the food is not spoiled, overcooked or otherwise visibly inedible I’d just eat and choose different place or food next time. It just comes across as weird and high maintenance (of course, I give her credit that she sorted it out herself and didn’t send the already horrified date to buy the dressing!).

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 when they brought the salad out they said they were out.

Sounds like a lousy date at a lousy restaurant. At least you know not to go there. Her maneuver was rude.

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, bene said:

If the food is not spoiled, overcooked or otherwise visibly inedible I’d just eat and choose different place or food next time. 

If you didn't like the dressing they had you would just eat the salad anyway? Or would you send it back?

 

[introverted1]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

If you didn't like the dressing they had you would just eat the salad anyway? Or would you send it back?

I'd ask for my favorite (or least disliked) of the dressings they had available. 

Making a scene (because that's surely what it is when someone leaves their seat at the restaurant to go to the store and buy salad dressing that they then bring back to the restaurant) over salad dressing would tell me everything I needed to know about my date and, no, there would not be a second date.

Life throws all kinds of hurdles at us. If my date can't handle a simple switch to another salad dressing, what are the odds they can handle illness or job changes or even a rainy day when an outdoor activity was planned?

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

If you didn't like the dressing they had you would just eat the salad anyway? Or would you send it back?

 

What are the chances she dislikes all the dressing they have? And if she really dislike all of them she could ask for a bit of olive oil and lemon.  

I was raise to not waste food so no, l would not return it unless something is drastically wrong with it. 

[Alpacalia]

13 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I'd ask for my favorite (or least disliked) of the dressings they had available. 

Making a scene (because that's surely what it is when someone leaves their seat at the restaurant to go to the store and buy salad dressing that they then bring back to the restaurant) over salad dressing would tell me everything I needed to know about my date and, no, there would not be a second date.

Life throws all kinds of hurdles at us. If my date can't handle a simple switch to another salad dressing, what are the odds they can handle illness or job changes or even a rainy day when an outdoor activity was planned?

She had limited choices for salad dressing; Caesar, the one she liked, or blue cheese. However, she opted for her favorite dressing. She could have taken a few alternate routes such as  sending the salad back, or eating it even though she didn't like it.

Perhaps she could have reconsidered her initial order as to avoid this situation (even though the restaurant had assured her they had the type of dressing she wanted).

Or, start carrying a bottle of her favorite dressing with her. 

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

even though the restaurant had assured her they had the type of dressing she wanted).

Usually restaurants will run quick errands to make someones order is right. No ceasar dressing in a restaurant, as a manager, it's something you fix right away by sending someone to the store right away. 

So bad restaurant, and bad date for that man.

[Alpacalia]

10 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Usually restaurants will run quick errands to make someones order is right. No ceasar dressing in a restaurant, as a manager, it's something you fix right away by sending someone to the store right away.

This one didn't.

In this instance, she was just trying to get her favorite dressing, so she could enjoy her meal.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

 

Definitely a red flag to me, suggesting strongly that the leaver is a rigid control freak. Needs things perfect, will disconnect from the social occasion (leaving the table and going outside and all) rather than switch to something else. 

This happens all the time at restaurants and people  simply shift their choice. Yes, send the salad back and find something else to order. And really there is only one kind of dressing acceptable for this person? Only one? That's a serious red flag. No way is this behavior a one-off thing. 

 

[Alpacalia]

11 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

 

Definitely a red flag to me, suggesting strongly that the leaver is a rigid control freak. Needs things perfect, will disconnect from the social occasion (leaving the table and going outside and all) rather than switch to something else. 

This happens all the time at restaurants and people  simply shift their choice. Yes, send the salad back and find something else to order. And really there is only one kind of dressing acceptable for this person? Only one? That's a serious red flag. No way is this behavior a one-off thing. 

 

Could be.

From what I recall, she asked her date beforehand if it would be okay if she ran across the street to get the dressing and he said it was fine. But he was upset when she returned and he chose to sit through the dinner, and then told her "see ya!"

He had taken her to a Polish restaurant and had ordered a sample platter for her to try a range of dishes she'd never had before. So I guess he did choose the restaurant initially.

[Gaeta]

45 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

she asked her date beforehand if it would be okay if she ran across the street to get the dressing and he said it was fine.

What was he suppose to answer? He answered the only possible answer under the circumstance, "yes it bothers me" was not an option. 

[Lotsgoingon]

I could get this behavior if someone has a special food allergy or health diet---and plainly says so! I have a friend whose partner has a serious kidney condition and thus a very restricted diet. 

So much of life is just rolling with the surprises and changes and inconveniences. Restaurants not having an advertised menu item or there is a longer line than expected or  the car isn't going to be ready from the shop until two days after the shop promised and someone gets sick and on and on. If this rigidity is going to be the way the woman handles life, then life with her isn’t gonna be all that fun. 

Absent a great explanation, I would absolutely not call that person again, and it would leave a bad taste, a yuck feeling. 

The red flag is the rigidity, and the red flag is the lack of understanding that such an act will be judged 99 times out of100 as ridiculously rigid and bizarre and high maintenance and thus it requires a good explanation out of basic respect for the partner. It would have been interesting for the guy to ask her out two more times. My bet: this behavior would be repeated, not exactly, but the rigidity would be repeated. 

 

 

 

[NuevoYorko]

Leaving your date and going to the store?  Nope.   

One meal without her "favorite" dressing probably could have been handled with some grace.   

 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

If you didn't like the dressing they had you would just eat the salad anyway? Or would you send it back?

I eat salads all the time but only use a bit of olive oil and seasoning. I don’t understand the need to use a bottled dressing….but I love fresh produce and could enjoy a salad even without the olive oil. 

[ShyViolet]

Leaving the restaurant to go to the store across the street to buy dressing..... that is just a bizarre thing to do and that would be a red flag to me.  Even if the restaurant didn't have the dressing she wanted, there are other considerations, like the fact that leaving the restaurant in the middle of a date is rude and strange.  She should have chosen from the choices that were available and not made a huge deal out of this.  This shows that she is high maintenance and makes a big deal out of weird things.  She doesn't know how to make the best of a situation and just go with the flow.  If I was the guy, there wouldn't be a second date.

[Weezy1973]

Bad service first off. Instead of bringing her the salad they should have let her know they didn’t have the dressing so she could order something else. But they didn’t, so next best option would be for her to send it back and order something else.

Worst option, so bad I wouldn’t even think of doing it ever, was going to a store to get the dressing. Especially bad seeing how it seems he picked the restaurant special to show her some of his favourite foods or maybe foods from his culture. 
 

Agree that it is dump worthy after three dates. Not much invested and once you see a core character trait (high maintenance) that is bad for a relationship, pay attention to the red flag and get out.

[Alpacalia]

20 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Especially bad seeing how it seems he picked the restaurant special to show her some of his favourite foods or maybe foods from his culture. 

Agreed. 

He said it was his favorite restaurant that's why he chose it.

If I picked a restaurant of my choice that I specifically liked and wanted to introduce my date to a new cuisine, I wouldn't want him to eat something he disliked that's for sure. I'd probably want to see if he had any preferences.

But I can also see why he thought it was rude of her to leave for five minutes to run across the street to grab the bottle of salad dressing.

[Versacehottie]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Or, start carrying a bottle of her favorite dressing with her. 

Idk, this would be weird as well IMO, very weird. If you are on the 4th date and your date pulls out a bottle of dressing while at a nice restaurant or any restaurant TBH, it's sort of weird.  Definitely would be probably a fork in the road or turning point in the relationship. 

I think people like to align on values and how they approach life. And while it seems to be a small thing in the scope of all, it also is super telling about how obsessive or not go-with-the-flow someone is...so it speaks a lot more than to the actual action...Plus I think it's sort of rude to leave your date/bf there to go across the street to get dressing and embarrassing to bring that back into the restaurant. I mean I can't even imagine how this would go over!  At 4 dates in, there's not enough history and bonding to survive this behavior, unless the guy is also quirky and fine with this behavior, which is going to be a much smaller percentage of people if I were to guess. Idk, the dining/date experience is more important than the actual food. It's taking things way too seriously. 

 

[Versacehottie]

Yeah I would liken this behavior of hers as too rigid as someone said and judge it much the same as someone who treats the waiters rudely or condescendingly or tips badly. To be fair, people are going to be judging or evaluating things from people they are dating's behavior constantly, especially weighted more heavily and maybe judged more harshly, more arbitrarily, at the beginning. I suppose if I were the guy, I would be glad she shows this behavior sort of up front because no way would I want to be dating someone like that.

Idk, what is your connection to this people & why do you ask?

Edited April 8, 2023 by Versacehottie

[introverted1]

Is your friend [ ]  not in tune with social mores?  The more I think about this, the more baffled I am that anyone would do what your friend did, much less need to ask about it after the fact. 

Edited April 8, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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