Ugh this is just so frustrating when guys/girls do this!

[Hpchic]

This is more of a vent than anything else.  So I have this Fwb we really don’t see each other often (maybe on average once a month).  It’s all very casual.  We used to live a few blocks away from each other but about 3 weeks ago he moved to a different city (about a half hour drive from here without traffic) so I thought that would probably be the end of our little arrangement.  Anyway this past Saturday night he was tipsy and he texted me and then called me asking me to come see his new place sometime this week, I told him I was really busy this week (which is true), he asked if I was seeing someone (I guess he thought I was blowing him off), I said no I’m just going out of town for work.  He then asked if I’m free tomorrow (which was this past Sunday) to which I said yes I think so I just have check one thing tomorrow.  So he said ok and was very adamant about me texting him Sunday and letting him know for sure, otherwise he would stay upstate (he was visiting his brother upstate when he called) with his brother and just hang out with him.  So the next day I texted him in the early afternoon saying I was free if he was heading back….well guess what? He never responded.  I’ve known this guy for a while now so for him to just not respond was so disrespectful, I wouldn’t have cared if he changed his mind just have the basic human decency to let me know.  It’s just so frustrating.

[justwhoiam]

Well, from what I know many men think women are into games. This seems like one of those cases. Maybe, maybe not. You shouldn't get frustrated when something's that casual. But guess what, there must be a reason why if the FWB kind of deal never went mainstream. It has a high chance of making people unhappy. It's a lousy scheme.

Edited April 11, 2023 by justwhoiam

[Hpchic]

7 minutes ago, justwhoiam said:

Well, from what I know many men think women are into games. This seems like one of those cases. Maybe, maybe not. You shouldn't get frustrated when something's that casual. But guess what, there must be a reason why if the FWB kind of deal never went mainstream. It has a high chance of making people unhappy. It's a lousy scheme.

Honestly, I don’t think he was intentionally playing games.  I think he decided to stay upstate with his brother and get drunk again, or a better option came up.  Either way I don’t really care, just let me know you can’t make it.  I mean it didn’t really ruin anything for me as I made other plans but I just appreciate common courtesy from people especially since he’s been a pretty respectful guy up until this point.  If a platonic friend did this to me I’d be just as frustrated/annoyed.

[Alpacalia]

I'm sorry he didn't respond to you after being so insistent.

He may have changed his mind and did not want to let you know.

Next time may I suggest playing a little hard to get. More ladies need to believe in themselves and not put up with this shabby treatment from guys. I don't know how you handle this FWB stuff. Sounds like a total mess to me.

[Hpchic]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm sorry he didn't respond to you after being so insistent.

He may have changed his mind and did not want to let you know.

Next time may I suggest playing a little hard to get. More ladies need to believe in themselves and not put up with this shabby treatment from guys. I don't know how you handle this FWB stuff. Sounds like a total mess to me.

I don’t typically jump when he asks to see me out of the blue like that, but he was practically not letting me get off the phone until we agreed on a day.  Also I’ll be out of town for practically the next 3 weeks so I figured why not. But you’re right I shouldn’t have given in,  that’s probably why I’m so annoyed because at first I was reluctant since I have a busy week ahead of me…oh well live and learn! 

Edited April 11, 2023 by Hpchic

[smackie9]

I get it he should have been more respectful but instead ghosted on you. Why does it have to be him to end this arrangement? I think you should do it.

[Hpchic]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I get it he should have been more respectful but instead ghosted on you. Why does it have to be him to end this arrangement? I think you should do it.

I think it would be odd for me to text him point just to end it since he never responded to my last text.  I’ll just do the same to him next time he reaches out 

[smackie9]

2 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I think it would be odd for me to text him point just to end it since he never responded to my last text.  I’ll just do the same to him next time he reaches out 

 

2 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I think it would be odd for me to text him point just to end it since he never responded to my last text.  I’ll just do the same to him next time he reaches out 

Just block delete his number then. Cut off all contact.

[basil67]

Prior to this, how much did you value your connection with him?   If you really valued it, I'd give the benefit the of doubt.  Perhaps he didn't see the text....sometimes they don't arrive. 

But if you didn't value the connection much, then yes, I'd say it's time to block him

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

 But you’re right I shouldn’t have given in,  that’s probably why I’m so annoyed because at first I was reluctant since I have a busy week ahead of me…oh well live and learn! 

It isn't too late to back out.  Nonsense that he wouldn't let you off the phone until you said yes, you're the one in charge of you, right?   You could just hang up on him. Women have got to stop giving men so much power.

[Alvi]

Sounds like he likes the chase. Just the chase, nothing more. I don't know why he did things that way. I think that a bigger better deal (in his opinion) appeared on a horizon so he decided to blow you off. He probably wasn't sure that that bigger better deal is actually going to happen when he was chasing you. But apparently it did.  Don't be surprised that you hear some half-baked excuse from him soon (or some day down the road). FWB is very little and insignificant type of relationship. Usually, the other person is not given much consideration is always the afterthought.  I don't know. Doesn't really matter what you do here. Block him if you wish.

 But to be honest, what are you getting out of this arrangement? Besides the obvious. On a plus side, you are probably not going to have much trouble replacing him if you are only looking for FWB type of relationship.

3 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 I’ve known this guy for a while now so for him to just not respond was so disrespectful, I wouldn’t have cared if he changed his mind just have the basic human decency to let me know.

Yeah, you are right. There was no need to ghost you. He should have ended things with you instead. But perhaps, he wants to leave a door open just in case.

[Hpchic]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Prior to this, how much did you value your connection with him?   If you really valued it, I'd give the benefit the of doubt.  Perhaps he didn't see the text....sometimes they don't arrive. 

But if you didn't value the connection much, then yes, I'd say it's time to block him

The text said it was delivered, we both have iPhones.

[Hpchic]

22 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Sounds like he likes the chase. Just the chase, nothing more. I don't know why he did things that way. I think that a bigger better deal (in his opinion) appeared on a horizon so he decided to blow you off. He probably wasn't sure that that bigger better deal is actually going to happen when he was chasing you. But apparently it did.  Don't be surprised that you hear some half-baked excuse from him soon (or some day down the road). FWB is very little and insignificant type of relationship. Usually, the other person is not given much consideration is always the afterthought.  I don't know. Doesn't really matter what you do here. Block him if you wish.

 But to be honest, what are you getting out of this arrangement? Besides the obvious. On a plus side, you are probably not going to have much trouble replacing him if you are only looking for FWB type of relationship.

Yeah, you are right. There was no need to ghost you. He should have ended things with you instead. But perhaps, he wants to leave a door open just in case.

I’m pretty sure he’s seeing other women so if that’s the case fine, just let me know there’s a change of plans….I’m pretty laid back so he knows I’m not going flip out on him or anything.  I do agree that if I hear from him again I’ll probably get some lame excuse 

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 He never responded.  I’ve known this guy for a while now so for him to just not respond was so disrespectful, I wouldn’t have cared if he changed his mind just have the basic human decency to let me know.  It’s just so frustrating.

In my general experience, if someone who has been reliable/consistent starts being flaky out of the blue, that's a sign that it's time to stop dealing with them. Things can only get worse going forward.

Edited April 12, 2023 by Acacia98

[Hpchic]

26 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

In my general experience, if someone who has been reliable/consistent starts being flaky out of the blue, that's a sign that it's time to stop dealing with them. Things can only get worse going forward.

He’s never been the most reliable when it came to texts, sometimes disappearing mid convo but he’d always still get back to me within a day and whenever he asked to see me he always followed through.  

[NuevoYorko]

5 hours ago, Hpchic said:

I think it would be odd for me to text him point just to end it since he never responded to my last text.  I’ll just do the same to him next time he reaches out 

Why the game playing?  I think the whole point of "FWB" is to keep things simple with no strings and no BS.  That's not what you have going on.

[ExpatInItaly]

Never make plans with a drunk person. The risk is that it was just the alcohol talking, or that they won't really remember what they said to you. 

Either way, he didn't respond. I'd just block him. It's too much hassle. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 he was tipsy and he texted me and then called me asking me to come see his new place sometime this week

Sorry this happened. Your first instinct of letting this phase out when he moves was correct. There's no reason to respond to booty call drunk dials 

Maybe now is the time to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps..

This way you can free yourself to date or find a more satisfying situation.

[JTSW]

11 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 I’ll just do the same to him next time he reaches out 

Don't lower yourself to his level.

You don't need to play games.

It won't work.

[Hpchic]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Never make plans with a drunk person. The risk is that it was just the alcohol talking, or that they won't really remember what they said to you. 

Either way, he didn't respond. I'd just block him. It's too much hassle. 

He wasn’t that drunk where he wouldn’t remember, on the phone he barely sounded tipsy to be honest.  Even if it was the alcohol talking he still could have responded to my text saying he had to cancel.  

[introverted1]

19 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 So he said ok and was very adamant about me texting him Sunday and letting him know for sure, otherwise he would stay upstate (he was visiting his brother upstate when he called) with his brother and just hang out with him.  So the next day I texted him in the early afternoon saying I was free if he was heading back….well guess what? He never responded.

My guess is that he expected to hear from you earlier in the day so that he could make plans to return (or not).

Sounds like you are both guilty of some game playing/not being direct.

Edited April 12, 2023 by introverted1

[Alpacalia]

It was just a matter of saying he had changed his mind. Even a casual gesture like this is common courtesy.

Having said that, being inconsiderate may not have been his intention.

Perhaps he was just busy and forgot to respond, or something else came up. Instead of getting frustrated, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation, such as his initial eagerness to see you.

[Hpchic]

3 hours ago, introverted1 said:

My guess is that he expected to hear from you earlier in the day so that he could make plans to return (or not).

Sounds like you are both guilty of some game playing/not being direct.

I texted him at 12:30pm, I think that was early enough 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 Even if it was the alcohol talking he still could have responded to my text saying he had to cancel.  

I agree. The fact that he couldn't be bothered tells you that he has lost interest completely. 

[Hpchic]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I agree. The fact that he couldn't be bothered tells you that he has lost interest completely. 

I just don’t see how you can lose interest completely in a 12 hour period.  I can see if we had just met or something but like I said we’ve known each other for a while now