Ex Bf Ignored My Apology Text

[Starrs]

Last night I sent my ex bf an apology text, in my opinion it was sincere. I’m not gonna lie, I still care about him I wish I didn’t. But either way I would think he would have responded and apologized to me as well. We both were toxic to each other. I feel better about myself for apologizing but I feel hurt by him ignoring it. I am starting to realize I deserve better and he’s not someone who has sympathy for others. I feel he has narcissist traits. He would always blame me for everything, I don’t think he’s ever given me an apology for anything. But there’s nothing left for me to do but move on and not look back. I want to forget him completely. 

[NuevoYorko]

A sincere apology is not a "give to get" action.  If you had something that you needed to be accountable for,  you owed that apology.  What he chose to do with it is not even in your lane at all. 

Good plan to move on completely.  Sounds like he's on board with that already.   

[Starrs]

7 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

A sincere apology is not a "give to get" action.  If you had something that you needed to be accountable for,  you owed that apology.  What he chose to do with it is not even in your lane at all. 

Good plan to move on completely.  Sounds like he's on board with that already.   

Right but the fact he won’t acknowledge his mistakes shows the type of person he is. He did me wrong just like I did. He would cuss me out in public every time he was angry. He did a lot more than I did. 

[Gaeta]

59 minutes ago, Starrs said:

 he’s not someone who has sympathy for others. I feel he has narcissist traits. He would always blame me for everything, I don’t think he’s ever given me an apology for anything. But there’s nothing left for me to do but move on and not look back. I want to forget him completely. 

Why is it important that he tells you he was a bad boyfriend? You know he was a bad boyfriend. It's hard to get over someone even when they were bad for us. A heartbreak is a phase you cannot skip, accept this is something you will be going through for the next few months. Block him and go spend time with your friends, family, shop for new clothes, new haircut and why not plan a little trip with your bestie! You will get over him and trust life will send you a better man next time. 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Starrs said:

Right but the fact he won’t acknowledge his mistakes shows the type of person he is. He did me wrong just like I did. He would cuss me out in public every time he was angry. He did a lot more than I did. 

Ok, Starrs, here's a secret. We are responsible for who we let into our lives. I would never in a million year continue dating a man that cursed me ONCE whether it's in private or in public. Understanding that you let this go on and it's on you, is part of your healing. You will not find closure by concentrating on what he did, you will find peace by analyzing why you remained in this type of relationship and what part of you needs to grow so that never happens again. 

[Alvi]

2 hours ago, Starrs said:

Last night I sent my ex bf an apology text, in my opinion it was sincere. I’m not gonna lie, I still care about him I wish I didn’t. But either way I would think he would have responded and apologized to me as well. We both were toxic to each other. I feel better about myself for apologizing but I feel hurt by him ignoring it. I am starting to realize I deserve better and he’s not someone who has sympathy for others. I feel he has narcissist traits. He would always blame me for everything, I don’t think he’s ever given me an apology for anything. But there’s nothing left for me to do but move on and not look back. I want to forget him completely. 

It's only been last night, he might still respond. But I don't understand what is the end-result that you are hoping for? OK, so you sent him an apology text. OK, let's say that he is going to respond to your text in either a positive or negative way. So, that is going to start a conversation going. Are you hoping that this is going to lead to reconciliation by taking a first step and apologizing for your wrongdoings? Even if apologizes for not treating you right, then what? Do you really think that he is suddenly going to change and be a better BF second time around. You know that he was a lousy BF. He probably knows that he was a lousy BF. I don't think that his apology would make his lousiness go away.

1 hour ago, Starrs said:

Right but the fact he won’t acknowledge his mistakes shows the type of person he is. He did me wrong just like I did. He would cuss me out in public every time he was angry. He did a lot more than I did. 

The relationship is over and done with. There is no point rehashing who did what. Better for you to block him entirely. He doesn't look like a pleasant person (and I am putting this mildly) to be around, much less to date him.

Do you really think that if you did A or didn't do B or said C or didn't say D or showed him XYZ that is would make you treat him you better? If so, try counseling. 

P.S. Not that I recommend doing it but why didn't you sent him a letter pointing out all of his bad behavior and his mistreatment of you instead of apologizing? Do you still feel that you are the one who did everything wrong in that toxic relationship?

[Alpacalia]

It's not your problem.

That's his choice if he doesn't accept or acknowledge your apology.

Ultimately, you can only acknowledge your own actions and how you move forward. Not his response.

Your ex was not the best for you.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Starrs said:

 there’s nothing left for me to do but move on and not look back. I want to forget him completely. 

Sorry this happened. The best thing you could do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. This will help you reflect in peace and help you move forward. 

[smackie9]

There is some very good advice here...I really hope you understand what everyone is saying....this isn't about him anymore, this is about you, and how you need to move on. You don't need anything from him. I agree you should be shifting your focus on you. This is why we have relationships...to learn, to grow, and to become a better person to ourselves. And in the end to make healthier choices not bad ones. Best of luck, and I hope you will find happiness very soon.

[Starrs]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

There is some very good advice here...I really hope you understand what everyone is saying....this isn't about him anymore, this is about you, and how you need to move on. You don't need anything from him. I agree you should be shifting your focus on you. This is why we have relationships...to learn, to grow, and to become a better person to ourselves. And in the end to make healthier choices not bad ones. Best of luck, and I hope you will find happiness very soon.

Thank you. I hope so too 

 

3 hours ago, Alvi said:

It's only been last night, he might still respond. But I don't understand what is the end-result that you are hoping for? OK, so you sent him an apology text. OK, let's say that he is going to respond to your text in either a positive or negative way. So, that is going to start a conversation going. Are you hoping that this is going to lead to reconciliation by taking a first step and apologizing for your wrongdoings? Even if apologizes for not treating you right, then what? Do you really think that he is suddenly going to change and be a better BF second time around. You know that he was a lousy BF. He probably knows that he was a lousy BF. I don't think that his apology would make his lousiness go away.

The relationship is over and done with. There is no point rehashing who did what. Better for you to block him entirely. He doesn't look like a pleasant person (and I am putting this mildly) to be around, much less to date him.

Do you really think that if you did A or didn't do B or said C or didn't say D or showed him XYZ that is would make you treat him you better? If so, try counseling. 

P.S. Not that I recommend doing it but why didn't you sent him a letter pointing out all of his bad behavior and his mistreatment of you instead of apologizing? Do you still feel that you are the one who did everything wrong in that toxic relationship?

I just didn’t like how things ended. I didn’t feel the need to go off on everything he did wrong to make it worse. You’re right. I guess another issue is he was never over his ex to begin with. He said he has been miserable because she left him with no closure and it’s been a year now. 

[Lotsgoingon]

You are no longer dating. Therefore ex bf owes you no response. In fact, it would be reckless and destructive for him to reply because a reply only prolongs the relationship.

You're wanting him to respond by acknowledging his flaws--well, he doesn't have to do that. He's not dating you. He is likely following the smart script of no contact and you would do wise to do the same.

Your desire to have him respond means you have not let him go. You are not in relationship with him anymore. And if he was a world-class jerk, those people don't apologize because they intended to be jerks.

Let him go. You are trying (despite any denials) to continue the relationship. Doesn't work. 

Relationship endings are cold and abrupt and most of the time they have to be that way. Otherwise, the people would just keep talking and keep going.  And I'm sorry, I'm assuming you were dumped (he initiated the breakup), that just hurts--always! Talking further does not soften the hurt. 
 

Edited April 12, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[Starrs]

17 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You are no longer dating. Therefore ex bf owes you no response. In fact, it would be reckless and destructive for him to reply because a reply only prolongs the relationship.

You're wanting him to respond by acknowledging his flaws--well, he doesn't have to do that. He's not dating you. He is likely following the smart script of no contact and you would do wise to do the same.

Your desire to have him respond means you have not let him go. You are not in relationship with him anymore. And if he was a world-class jerk, those people don't apologize because they intended to be jerks.

Let him go. You are trying (despite any denials) to continue the relationship. Doesn't work. 

Relationship endings are cold and abrupt and most of the time they have to be that way. Otherwise, the people would just keep talking and keep going.  And I'm sorry, I'm assuming you were dumped (he initiated the breakup), that just hurts--always! Talking further does not soften the hurt. 
 

It is okay, I found out he never got over his ex gf. That caused a lot of problems during our relationship. I think he never really liked me to begin with. Guess I was a rebound 😞

[Lotsgoingon]

So take your experience and do this:

Go back into your memory and recall the first odd sign that hinted at him still having an attachment with his ex. Might have been the way he acted around you or some words he said--or checking his phone in an odd way. Likely you picked up this signal in your body. The problem is we often ignore our body and come up with an elaborate intellectual story that justifies ignoring that feeling that "hmm, that seemed weird." 

It is our job to avoid jerks, our job to avoid people on the rebound. There is no referee in relationships. But you can up your game. First sign of him having some unresolved stuff with his ex, you really want to end things. What too many people do (and Lord knows I did this) is talk to the person about the odd feeling and then they give some half-baked answer (which really doesn't explain much) and we keep going. No, pause when anything weird comes up.

That's your lesson for this guy. Trying to change him on moral grounds is like trying to talk a burglar into giving you back his stolen goods. No, you report the burglar to the police and lock your doors and try to keep him out!

Usually if there is one incident involving an ex (some sign that he is still attached or communicating closely with her) it's pretty much guaranteed this will be a problem. Just get out right then and there.  People are notoriously wrong (deliberately and maybe not so deliberately) if you ask if they are still involved with the ex. People sometimes want to think they are over the ex. BTW: even having the ex on the mind a lot is being involved.  So you cannot trust their words. You have to protect yourself. 

A person who is free of past attachments and ready to date will make that quite clear in words, in body language, in focus on you and so on. 

Good luck!

[ExpatInItaly]

Your only move now is to block him and cease all contact for good. 

Don't expect guys like this to own up to their bad behaviour either. You will be very disappointed in life if you otherwise. 

[basil67]

16 hours ago, Starrs said:

He would always blame me for everything

If he believes everything was your fault, then he won't see a need to apologise to you.  People only apologise when they think they've done the wrong thing.   And even then, if we've already moved on from the person, it's not uncommon to think about our errors later and just make a mental note to not repeat them with a new person.

Also, have you considered that he didn't want an apology from you?  He may have just found it weird and awkward.  (An apology from an ex is not something I'd want to receive because my focus would be on the future, not the past)

Edited April 13, 2023 by basil67

[JTSW]

Your previous post said that he had already ghosted you.

But you just wanted to keep texting him.

I think your assumption that he never really liked you to begin with is correct.

Yes, you deserve better and he's not worth your time and effort.

Move on. Forget him.

[Starrs]

4 hours ago, JTSW said:

Your previous post said that he had already ghosted you.

But you just wanted to keep texting him.

I think your assumption that he never really liked you to begin with is correct.

Yes, you deserve better and he's not worth your time and effort.

Move on. Forget him.

It’s not the same guy. This is a different guy, the other guy I blocked and never met him again.

[Starrs]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

If he believes everything was your fault, then he won't see a need to apologise to you.  People only apologise when they think they've done the wrong thing.   And even then, if we've already moved on from the person, it's not uncommon to think about our errors later and just make a mental note to not repeat them with a new person.

Also, have you considered that he didn't want an apology from you?  He may have just found it weird and awkward.  (An apology from an ex is not something I'd want to receive because my focus would be on the future, not the past)

He apologized to his ex gf it’s not fair how he won’t apologize to me when he told me to kill myself many times. 

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Starrs said:

He apologized to his ex gf it’s not fair how he won’t apologize to me when he told me to kill myself many times. 

You need to let this go. You don't need the acknowledgement of a bad bad real bad man. 

[Alpacalia]

You thought that by apologizing, he would understand the impact of his actions and take responsibility for them, leading to a resolution of the situation. Now you are disappointed when his reaction was not what you had hoped for. He simply accepted the apology without making any effort to understand or challenge his behavior. 

In the end, it only made you feel more helpless, leaving you feeling stuck in a situation you can't seem to get out of.

[NuevoYorko]

Stop.  At this point it's looking like your apology was strictly manipulation.  You did it for a specific reaction and now you're frustrated that you're not getting the payoff.

As has been said before, this is all about you and none about him.  Further cataloging of his creepiness makes any difference.  You chose this guy / relationship and you played your part in it.   I hope you learned a lot and you won't have any more relationships that resemble this one.

 

[Starrs]

10 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Stop.  At this point it's looking like your apology was strictly manipulation.  You did it for a specific reaction and now you're frustrated that you're not getting the payoff.

As has been said before, this is all about you and none about him.  Further cataloging of his creepiness makes any difference.  You chose this guy / relationship and you played your part in it.   I hope you learned a lot and you won't have any more relationships that resemble this one.

 

No, I did it because it was the right thing to do….. If he was a nice person he would have said something back. Since he yelled at me in public the last time we saw each other. I don’t know why everyone here is so against me wanting an apology from him. Yeah he’s not a good person but doesn’t mean he can’t realize his mistakes. 

[Starrs]

58 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You thought that by apologizing, he would understand the impact of his actions and take responsibility for them, leading to a resolution of the situation. Now you are disappointed when his reaction was not what you had hoped for. He simply accepted the apology without making any effort to understand or challenge his behavior. 

In the end, it only made you feel more helpless, leaving you feeling stuck in a situation you can't seem to get out of.

I deserve a good apology honestly. No one here knows what I’ve been through. He wasn’t the one getting yelled at in public in front of children! So moving on from this is very hard and it’s sad I’ll never get it. But then again I think I was a rebound the whole time. He told my friend that I never deserved the “good man” he is now. His ex deserved it. I never got to the point I loved him because the relationship was not the best. He always had a lot of things to say against me. He would always compare me to his ex. She had more money than me anyways. 

[NuevoYorko]

3 minutes ago, Starrs said:

No, I did it because it was the right thing to do….. If he was a nice person he would have said something back. 

If he was a "nice person" he wouldn't have told you to kill yourself, etc.  

[Starrs]

Just now, NuevoYorko said:

If he was a "nice person" he wouldn't have told you to kill yourself, etc.  

He has said it many times to me apparently out of anger. I think he actually wishes I was dead because the last time met he was pointing a fake gun at me and thought it was funny.