aleidig Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 I've had a FWB for 6 weeks now. Definitely feelings involved, we vibe very well even outside of sex. We hangout weekly, and have talked everyday all day since we met. he was open about being fwb in the beginning saying he isn't emotionally avail, takes time to commit etc, can't be exclusive. So sure he was honest, but his actions state otherwise. Tells me often how awesome I am, that he cares a lot about me, how highly he thinks of me - We talk everyday all day - Cuddle a LOT even when not having sex. Have spent the night w/out sex -Spend the night every weekend - Went on a 5 day trip together -He gets jealous - We go on dates - Listens / is there for me on bad days - PDA in public and behind closed doors - Doesn't hide hanging out w me from family / co workers / friends he even remembers boyfriend things... when to take my meds when i had stuff scheduled at a certain time... I havent been in the dating scene in years, and this is hard for me. He feels/acts like a boyfriend. We have an emotionall connection.... if i was to dip out today he would be upset. Whats the best way to handle this to avoid getting hurt? Navigate this like how to detach Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 If he has stated he's emotionally unavailable it is best to believe him. FWB's sometimes do all the things you mentioned above. You can bring it up to him again and ask him if he still feels that way. He's the only one who knows. 49 minutes ago, aleidig said: I havent been in the dating scene in years, and this is hard for me. If you haven''t dated in years why would you chose a FWB set up rather than looking for an actual boyfriend? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 He may be in denial of his actual feelings. Perhaps he had a past bad experience or was told he's emotionally unavailable, despite appearing to act like a bf. Confronting him may raise his defenses, but doing nothing has the risk of no change or progress to what you want. Maybe just slowly treat him more like a bf, and see if he thaws. Of course, the risk is that he may reject that, and it will be harder for you to let go if that becomes necessary. Perhaps your best move is to remind him that you're just FWB when the opportunity arises (probably due to something he says or does), and start looking for and going on dates with other people. He will either step up, or step out, but both are good outcomes for you, as you'll have a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 55 minutes ago, stillafool said: If he has stated he's emotionally unavailable it is best to believe him. FWB's sometimes do all the things you mentioned above. You can bring it up to him again and ask him if he still feels that way. He's the only one who knows. If you haven''t dated in years why would you chose a FWB set up rather than looking for an actual boyfriend? Yeah I’m not sure why. I feel kinda dumb, it just happened Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 13 minutes ago, central said: He may be in denial of his actual feelings. Perhaps he had a past bad experience or was told he's emotionally unavailable, despite appearing to act like a bf. Confronting him may raise his defenses, but doing nothing has the risk of no change or progress to what you want. Maybe just slowly treat him more like a bf, and see if he thaws. Of course, the risk is that he may reject that, and it will be harder for you to let go if that becomes necessary. Perhaps your best move is to remind him that you're just FWB when the opportunity arises (probably due to something he says or does), and start looking for and going on dates with other people. He will either step up, or step out, but both are good outcomes for you, as you'll have a decision. I’ve been going on dates etc but nobody cares to the connection I have w him he literally calls me babe and baby too. Idk why he’s doing that stuff whenever I try to pull back he notices 🤦♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 You may need to just end things with him. Then dating will be easier. And if you're gone, he may decide he actually does want a relationship with you. Sometimes you have to lose someone to realize you do want them. And if not, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 12, 2023 Author Share Posted April 12, 2023 8 minutes ago, central said: You may need to just end things with him. Then dating will be easier. And if you're gone, he may decide he actually does want a relationship with you. Sometimes you have to lose someone to realize you do want them. And if not, so be it. Yeah its making dating very difficult. He has said if i meet someone else to let him know and he will respectfully back off Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 1 hour ago, aleidig said: I’ve been going on dates etc but nobody cares to the connection I have w him This is because he's the one you're having sex with. If he still doesn't want a relationship after you ask him about it; you'd be smart to stop having sex with him because you will end up really hurt in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 Quote We talk everyday all day Recipe for doom. Even in the context for a real relationship, but completely outside of any boundaries necessary for a FWB situation. You need to really listen and understand that this man has told you absolutely clearly that he does not intend or want to be in a relationship with you. Please respect him for saying that and take it to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 Oh, boy. OP, you are going to get really hurt. He has been clear that you two are not going to become a couple. His behaviour now is just him having fun. That's all. You would be wise not to assume it means he has feelings. If he did, he would be trying to actually date you - but he isn't doing that. If you don't extricate yourself from this now, you will be devastated when he drops you for someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 The only way to know for sure is to talk to him about it. Ask him if his feelings of emotional unavailability are still valid. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 14 hours ago, aleidig said: He has said if i meet someone else to let him know and he will respectfully back off Unfortunately even though he uses sweet talk to enhance the sex, this statement indicates he thinks of this a a temporary and disposable situation. All you can do is proceed with caution. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 17 hours ago, aleidig said: He has said if i meet someone else to let him know and he will respectfully back off This statement pretty much tells you what you need to know. If he said this he's expecting you to at some point meet a guy and get in a relationship. He doesn't seem shy and would ask to be exclusive if that's what he wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Hmm we had a talk and he said he has feelings for me but isn’t ready to move forward Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 1 hour ago, aleidig said: he said he has feelings for me but isn’t ready to move forward Unfortunately this is what FWB is, so he's staying firm with his noncommittal, non-exclusive stance. It's up to you to protect yourself from headaches and heartaches and believe what he's saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Yeah not gonna lie it made me feel like him saying he isn’t ready yet means there could be a chance? he did say it takes him 3 months usually before becoming exclusive its only been 1.5 months Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 Did you tell him how you feel about him? That your super closeness together messes with your head? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 1 minute ago, JTSW said: Did you tell him how you feel about him? That your super closeness together messes with your head? Yeah, I have. And the closeness has increased since meeting. he even said yesterday he can’t seperate his feelings Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 5 minutes ago, aleidig said: And the closeness has increased since meeting. It needs to go the opposite way. You need to put some distance between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 5 minutes ago, JTSW said: It needs to go the opposite way. You need to put some distance between you. I know 😭 it’s interfering with me meeting others. we’ve only been apart one day this past week Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 5 minutes ago, aleidig said: I know 😭 it’s interfering with me meeting others. That's really not fair to you. Put some distance between you and don't let him get close if you see him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Ok! Thanks this weekend I’ll continue to do my own thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 4 hours ago, aleidig said: Yeah not gonna lie it made me feel like him saying he isn’t ready yet means there could be a chance? Why would you choose to invest your time, energy and emotions in someone because you *think* there "could" be a "chance"? That's very ill advised. People who are really actively looking for a committed relationship still have a lot of dating experiences that don't lead that way. It's not easy. If you want to have casual hookups, keep going with this guy. If that's not what you want, stop. 4 hours ago, aleidig said: he did say it takes him 3 months usually before becoming exclusive its only been 1.5 months Really ... casual sex for three months leads to exclusivity for him? I've never heard of that as a general rule of thumb. Most men - probably women as well - have a pretty good sense of what they are looking for and feel it when it's in front of them. They will be dating with a goal-oriented approach, not "let's hookup if I'm not busy." Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Okay…. then what do I do? Address the feelings with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aleidig Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Well I addressed them and got my answer Link to post Share on other sites
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