Best way to handle a FWB when you have feelings

[aleidig]

5 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

If you have any chance of not getting hurt very badly by this guy you need to block his number and stop seeing him.  He has told you that he's using you as an emotional tampon ("I like to talk a lot") and sex toy.

I did this to myself once.  It took me a long time to get over, too.  He wanted the girlfriend experience while he went through his divorce and I thought there was NO WAY he couldn't be feeling the same things, he even took me out shopping and for dinner on my birthday, flowers.  The sex was incredible and we laughed til our sides hurt.  Went to concerts, wineries.

After we parted ways (I asked for a commitment after a couple of months) he came back and I got hurt again.  Don't do it, don't play nice, either.  Tell him it's too late for just friends and you need to move on, NOW.  Women can't go on dates with other men while they're intimate and hoping for a r'ship with the one they really want, it will never work, you'll always want it from him.  BTW we are built this way and it's nothing to be ashamed of.  Our culture tells us we should be able to pull it off but FWB only beneftis men and we're most often left holding the proverbial back of crap when it ends.  

Respect yourself and don't lower the bar to keep him around in the minimal capacity he wants while he takes up rent in your head with his childish texts.

Edit:  I've also come to realize that a LOT of men LIKE it when you fall for them, anyway, they treat this whole thing as an ego boost.  They LOVE it when you fall for them even when they give you the caveat speech right up front.  It's all a game to them and that's why they're called players, you can bet he brags to his friends about you, too.

Thank you I need a slap in the face.

 

I need support to make sure I don’t do this again 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, aleidig said:

Quote

I'm not saying go away but we do need space to do our own thing and let feelings detach some. :/. I like talking   having convenient sex available to me whenever I want a lot.

 

I fixed it for him and you.  Seriously, I'm sure he likes talking with you or whatever else as well.   That's not a big motivator though.

Edited April 15, 2023 by NuevoYorko

[ExpatInItaly]

58 minutes ago, aleidig said:

Thank you I need a slap in the face.

Let that proverbial slap in the face come from us, rather than from the day you learn he is dating or having sex with someone else. That slap will sting a lot more, and take longer to recover from. 

[aleidig]

8 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I fixed it for him and you.  Seriously, I'm sure he likes talking with you or whatever else as well.   That's not a big motivator though.

Yeah lol he is thinking about himself 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, aleidig said:

Yeah lol he is thinking about himself 

Well ... that's kind of the whole point of situations like the one you agreed to with this guy.  What you call "FWB" means that each person is just in it for themselves, for as long as they're getting what they wanted out of it.  That's where he's at.  He was getting what he wanted, just with some extra and unwanted pressure from you.

You, on the other hand, were not getting what you wanted at all since you were trying to drive this in the direction of a relationship. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, aleidig said:

Yeah lol he is thinking about himself 

That's how it generally goes with FWB, though. 

He isn't really doing anything wrong, since he hasn't promised you anything or made any commitments to you. It's just that you caught feelings and he didn't. It's up to you to see yourself out.  

[princessaurora]

Did he just get out of another relationship recently? It sounds like he may still be hung up on someone else to me, and if so that is a recipe for disaster. 

That's how I became a fwb with an acquaintance of mine. We had both just got out of a relationship and and wanted to have some fun. It was very similar to yours. We talked on the phone for hours every night, went out to dinner, movies, etc, and the sex was very intense. It lasted for about 8 months and towards the end I thought I had feelings for him, but it was actually just me being addicted to the sex we were having because I had never had that type of intensity before. I was young and he was only my 3rd partner, so he taught me alot and I confused that with actually having feelings for him. This could be a possibility for you as well. You may be in love with the sex, per se, and not the actual person. 

Regardless, you will still be sad  when it ends. For me, that lasted about 3 days before i realized I never loved him in the first place, I just missed the type of sex we were having.  Sex is easy to come by if you're a woman, but great sex is not. He was all about pleasuring me as well as himself and I did not want to give that up. 

 But if you know it's actually him and not the intimacy he provides you've fallen for,  it's best to walk away before you get your heart broken.