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Dealing with a procrastinator who refuses to back down


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My husband said he wanted to build custom closets in our house when we first bought it. He doesn't have much experience with carpentry at all but he's still in general pretty handy. We've lived in this house now for 5 years and we still don't have any closet systems (master bedroom and 2 kids rooms). I've asked if we could just put cheap closet rods and/or wire shelving but he refuses and promises he'll build the closets because he wants to make them super fancy with adjustable shelves and lighting etc. I then asked if we could get someone to build nice closets for us but he still wants to do it himself. Should I just go behind his back and have closets installed or should I just respect his wishes and keep waiting many more years? What should I do? Am I being unreasonable?

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5 minutes ago, Neecy said:

M. Should I just go behind his back and have closets installed or should I just respect his wishes and keep waiting many more years? 

It depends who is paying for the renovations and what you can afford. It wouldn't hurt to get a few estimates.

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We both work and have shared accounts so it would be a shared expense. I'll work on getting estimates to see if I can convince him it's worth the labor cost just to get them done. Thanks

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I would give him a deadline - if it’s not done by September 2023, I’m hiring someone to do it. That gives him the summer (I’m assuming that he has some holidays), and it prepares him for the fact that you will contract out if he doesn’t get it done.

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mark clemson

Don't go behind his back. If you insist on moving forward then let him know you're going to do so. Maybe it'll be the kick in the behind he needs... Maybe...

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I too, would give a deadline.  But make sure the deadline involves completion...with the view to having the wardrobe company strip out a half done job and doing it properly

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14 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I would give him a deadline - if it’s not done by September 2023, I’m hiring someone to do it. That gives him the summer (I’m assuming that he has some holidays), and it prepares him for the fact that you will contract out if he doesn’t get it done.

I second this. 

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On 4/13/2023 at 2:51 PM, Neecy said:

 it would be a shared expense. I'll work on getting estimates to see if I can convince him it's worth the labor cost just to get them done. Thanks

Absolutely. You don't need permission to commence renovations on your own place. Just go ahead and get it done without ultimatums or deadlines. Obviously he's not interested in this DIY project or it would be done already.

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