Man worried about what his SON will think of me because I'm not religious.

[Sarah]

I have a very new relationship with an older man who has grown up kids around my age. We haven't even decided yet if we want to have a long-term relationship and he is talking about how he would present me to his orthodox Jewish son!

 

I asked how come it wasn't enough that I am Jewish, and he said that he doesn't want to hurt his son because his son thinks he keeps the Sabbath and eats kosher (which he doesn't) and because we are more "modern" we would have to pretend that we were more religious in front of his son.

 

I am a singer and according to the Jewish law, it is a sin for a woman to sing before men as it symbolizes that she is naked. I am a singer and I told this man that if I met his son there was no way in the world that I would lie about my profession because I'm proud of what I do. He told me we could say that I only sing for women, and I got upset saying that was ridiculous because in choruses men and women sing together on the same stage in front of all races and sexes anb there was no way I would hide that!

 

My man got upset and said he didn't want me to be the "Prima Donna" in our relationship, but I told him he had to understand that nature of my business and work.

 

How could a man be so concerned about what his grown son thinks??

[Ed]

I think you are asking the wrong question. The fact that this man carries on such a relationship with his grown children should tell you a lot about him.

 

There should be no question that someone like you should not be romantically involved with someone like him.

[Ashesmum]

Sounds like to me you need to find a man who is more truthful. If he lies to his own kids, who knows how he would be with you. If he's worried more about what his son would think than what you are (and do) than he needs to find a woman who is willing to sit in his shadow and do what he wants. You are not that woman, you have to much respect for yourself (which he should have too). Find a better man.

I have a very new relationship with an older man who has grown up kids around my age. We haven't even decided yet if we want to have a long-term relationship and he is talking about how he would present me to his orthodox Jewish son! I asked how come it wasn't enough that I am Jewish, and he said that he doesn't want to hurt his son because his son thinks he keeps the Sabbath and eats kosher (which he doesn't) and because we are more "modern" we would have to pretend that we were more religious in front of his son. I am a singer and according to the Jewish law, it is a sin for a woman to sing before men as it symbolizes that she is naked. I am a singer and I told this man that if I met his son there was no way in the world that I would lie about my profession because I'm proud of what I do. He told me we could say that I only sing for women, and I got upset saying that was ridiculous because in choruses men and women sing together on the same stage in front of all races and sexes anb there was no way I would hide that! My man got upset and said he didn't want me to be the "Prima Donna" in our relationship, but I told him he had to understand that nature of my business and work. How could a man be so concerned about what his grown son thinks??

[ALF]

i totally agree with the others, to have to lie to anyone about who or what you are is disrespecting yourself and your beliefs. lose this guy before you get too serious about him and it is harder to leave the longer you are with him.

Sounds like to me you need to find a man who is more truthful. If he lies to his own kids, who knows how he would be with you. If he's worried more about what his son would think than what you are (and do) than he needs to find a woman who is willing to sit in his shadow and do what he wants. You are not that woman, you have to much respect for yourself (which he should have too). Find a better man.

[chick]

think down the line a little bit here.......say you were still with this guy in 2 years time, would you want to be hiding and lying about what you do? although you need to respect this guy's morals and beliefs, he also needs to respect yours and he ain't doing this. chances are, he will probably never "choose" you over his son, as horrible as that sounds. you need to get out of this relationship before you become more attached. he shouldn't be ashamed of what you do, whether it be due to his religious beliefs or whatever. his son really shouldn't be forcing his beliefs on to him anyway.....who exactly is supposed to be father here??!! forget him, this is going to put waaaay too much pressure on you to pursue a relationship with this guy.