Just Broke up with a narcissist

[swimjim]

I am in a lot of pain right now. I just broke up with a female narcissist. I do not mean to label her as such, however, she fits 80 % of the criteria. I am not qualified to diagnose her so I apologize for calling her that. She is 73 and beautiful. She is a perfectionist. I am 64 and not a perfectionist but work very hard to keep her happy and proud of me. But I reached the end of my rope. I am tired of her criticisms. I am divorced. She pursued me 3 years ago. Oh, I forgot to mention that she is unhappily married. I thought this would work for me since we would have fun and part ways every day and I would go to my own home and she would go to her home. Her husband is in his 80's and has limited quality of life. I am sorry that I agreed to date her. I thought I would never go this route. There is no future. She is very demanding and wants constant texts throughout the day with me telling her how beautiful she is and how much I love her. She wants constant attention from men and wants constant reassurance that she is sexy and beautiful. From what she tells me, her and her husband live like roommates  bickering back and forth. I caught her lying to me on numerous occasions. She also caused a love triangle with my ex best friend. I have suspicion that she has replacements lined up in the event of our inevitable breakup. She has belittled me and torn my self confidence to pieces. My head that sits on my shoulders is telling me to move on while my other head.... says the opposite. The last communication was her texting me last Wednesday stating that it is unacceptable that I had not texted her in 4 hours even thou I was in a business meeting. Please don't be too hard on me for dating someone who is not mine to begin with. I know I could have rejected her advances but she is just too beautiful and sexy. She looks 50. I just want some encouragement to move on with my life without her. Thanks in advance,  

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Jim Ogren said:

 she is unhappily married. I am sorry that I agreed to date her. 

Sorry this happened. How long were you seeing each other? She doesn't seem to have much integrity, so you dodged a bullet. 

Don't contact her and delete and block her from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

[swimjim]

3 years. She used to be very loving. Now she is critical. I am blocking her everywhere.

[swimjim]

She is critical that I have not bought her nice gifts lately. She may be deliberately pushing me away to make room for my replacement. 

[swimjim]

We are currently in the push, pull phase of a dying relationship right now. I believe I am getting painted black. My gut instinct is that she has replaced me. I am currently ghosting her. I hope she does not try to reach out to me. I need time to heal. The no contact rule needs to be in place.

[Giovane]

If what you are writing here is true, then congratulations! You are doing the right thing ending it, for more than one reason. Do not let her rope you in again.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, swimjim said:

I forgot to mention that she is unhappily married

And you are surprised this woman is a liar and behaves selfishly?

You need to make better choices for yourself. She may be terrible, but you have agency in your own role in choosing someone who showed you a major red flag right from the start. 

[MsJayne]

She requires constant admiration, devotion, and regular gifts? An excessively vain perfectionist who makes demands on others while criticising and belittling them? Lies and causes drama among otherwise peaceful friendships? Yep, certainly smells like a narcissist. The only gift I'd give this manipulative old bat would be a two-fingered salute. Just run SwimJim, run before she gobbles up the rest of your soul and you end up huddled in a corner gnawing your fist. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, swimjim said:

. She also caused a love triangle with my ex best friend.

Unavailable people choose other unavailable people. Take this time to broaden your social horizons.  Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single women.

Try at least one paid app. Perhaps a relationship-focused app and an age-group focused app. There are more women on these types of apps than men so you're chances are good for meeting nice women. 

[JTSW]

Good for you for getting out of this nightmare.

You are doing the right thing by blocking her everywhere.

She sounds like a full blown narcissist desperate for validation.

I can guarantee that you are not the only man she is stringing along.

She very likely had a few of you at the same time.

You are now free to enjoy the rest of your life.

You deserve so much better than the way she treated you. 

[mark clemson]

IF she is actually a narcissist, then beware of "hoovering" after you are "discarded". You can look up "hoovering", it's apparently a real tendency.

[swimjim]

It is very frustrating when certain people cannot recognize their own shortcomings. Never an apology. No empathy. Because she is so beautiful, she will just move on to the next guy without any reflecting on how good she had it. I lost count on the number of times I came to her with flowers just to extend an olive branch and make peace. Yes, she was greatful to see me with another round of makeup sex. I am sure see was validated and saw my action as me being at fault. This must stop otherwise I lose myself.

[stillafool]

On 4/18/2023 at 5:46 PM, swimjim said:

She is critical that I have not bought her nice gifts lately. She may be deliberately pushing me away to make room for my replacement. 

This is exactly what she's doing.  Run🏃.