Reply is in denial of the of past

[Bantosm]

I seen a woman I had dated, and it looked like she was going to come and say hi, but in my surprise I scowled at her and it I guess it was enough to cause her to change her mind. By the time I regrouped, she was out of view. I decided to try and contact her.

I found her on social media and she accepted. She posted the same exact meme as she did when she and I first hung out together. I wrote her a mesage but no reply. I noticed that meme was now deleted. I sent another mesaage just to be certain she knew who I was. She knew me but said we had left off on not so good of terms.

The problem is the last we communicated we made amends and all was forgiven. I mentioned that tidbit but  no reply. That day she started dating someone. However, last time she was in a long term relationship yet she was all open to talking. She criticized my old social media as fake, yet her new boyfriend's has a fraction of the followers and not a single photo of himself. Have you ever contacted someone from your past who has denied a truth or is now ok with something they previously lamented against?

[basil67]

Thing is, her memory of the past is clearly different to yours, so her truth is different to yours.   All in all, the "truth" of what happened between you probably sits somewhere in between what you both remember.    And it's normal to change how we feel about something in the past.  

I'd say it's best to just leave her in the past.

 

[Bantosm]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Thing is, her memory of the past is clearly different to yours, so her truth is different to yours.   All in all, the "truth" of what happened between you probably sits somewhere in between what you both remember.    And it's normal to change how we feel about something in the past.  

I'd say it's best to just leave her in the past.

 

The truth probably sits somewhere in between? I have the screen shots. She said just as I had stated.

Yes, anyone who forgets about amends belongs in the past. I'll never contact her again. I made amends on numerous occasions. Yet, I can't recall anyone else who forgot them. I'm curious if anyone here has experience where amends where supposedly forgotten?

[basil67]

Thank you for clarifying. So the "truth" you are referring to was the act of making amends?

In this case, it sounds like that the amends didn't really do it for her and her memory of the relationship is still focussed on the bad that happened and not the conversation which was had later.   It's likely she accepted your friend request and then felt that she would be better off not getting reinvolved with you.  

I think it's generally best to leave exes in the past.  It avoids complication such as this

[basil67]

Is this the situation you're referring to?   The whole process and result sounds rather complicated, even back then.   It's a shame your friend stuck their nose in your business.  

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Bantosm said:

. She knew me but said we had left off on not so good of terms.

The problem is the last we communicated we made amends and all was forgiven. I mentioned that tidbit but  no reply. 

How long did you date? How long ago did you breakup? Why did you need to make amends? What needed to be forgiven?

Unfortunately it seems like she's not interested in remaining friends or reestablishing a relationship.  Therefore trying to redefine how things ended isn't really important to her. 

She seems to think things ended badly and your recollection is that you made amends.

That's ok, in either case, she doesn't seem to want to continue communicating. So just delete and block her and move forward without debating how it ended or what terms you're on.

 

Edited April 21, 2023 by Wiseman2

[JTSW]

You need to remove her from all your social media.

Don't contact her again.

[Bantosm]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

Is this the situation you're referring to?   The whole process and result sounds rather complicated, even back then.   It's a shame your friend stuck their nose in your business.  

 

That was a different situation. In any case, it wasn't shame because it made me aware of outright deception. Generally, I have had good relations with exes. The cases I posted here are far from the norm. 

[Bantosm]

I already removed her etc. That's wasn't in question. Yet, why has every question that I've explictly asked has been conviently ignored? 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Bantosm said:

I already removed her etc. That's wasn't in question. Yet, why has every question that I've explictly asked has been conviently ignored? 

I guess it depends on the question.  All in all though, the answer is likely to come back to boundaries.  If your questions made her feel uncomfortable or she felt they were intrusive, she has every right to not answer them.

[Wiseman2]

On 4/20/2023 at 10:06 PM, Bantosm said:

. Have you ever contacted someone from your past who has denied a truth or is now ok with something they previously lamented against?

Everyone's recollection and account of things is subjective. You recall "making amends", but she doesn't. It's not denial of anything. It's that she doesn't seem interested in your contact and doesn't want to resume anything because apparently she doesn't feel things were all good. If you disagree, simply let go and write her off for good.

[Acacia98]

On 4/21/2023 at 5:06 AM, Bantosm said:

Have you ever contacted someone from your past who has denied a truth or is now ok with something they previously lamented against?

I can't say I have.

On 4/21/2023 at 5:55 AM, Bantosm said:

I'm curious if anyone here has experience where amends where supposedly forgotten?

I don't. But, in all honesty, if I'd been in your shoes, I wouldn't have gone so far as to look for her on social media after that unfriendly encounter. So the odds of my experiencing what you experienced would have been pretty low. 

I don't think she has necessarily forgotten you made amends. I think she's trying to push you away because she doesn't want to interact with you. Basically, I think she's being passive aggressive. 

[Bantosm]

On 4/22/2023 at 3:41 AM, Acacia98 said:

I can't say I have.

I don't. But, in all honesty, if I'd been in your shoes, I wouldn't have gone so far as to look for her on social media after that unfriendly encounter. So the odds of my experiencing what you experienced would have been pretty low. 

I don't think she has necessarily forgotten you made amends. I think she's trying to push you away because she doesn't want to interact with you. Basically, I think she's being passive aggressive. 

[]

She didn't want to interact? Then she wouldn't have accepted me on to her social media, period. She definitely wouldn't have reposted the same photo from when we first met and then suddenly delete it. She's afraid of getting hurt. This goes back a couple years, she had it her mind that I was going to cheat on her.

Edited April 23, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Rudeness

[Acacia98]

On 4/22/2023 at 10:45 AM, Bantosm said:

[]

She didn't want to interact? Then she wouldn't have accepted me on to her social media, period. She definitely wouldn't have reposted the same photo from when we first met and then suddenly delete it. She's afraid of getting hurt. This goes back a couple years, she had it her mind that I was going to cheat on her.

Part of her may have initially started out wanting to talk to you, but the side of her that doesn't want to deal with you eventually won.

Go by her most recent actions, not her earliest actions. Remember: people are allowed to change their minds. Sometimes people are sentimental about an old relationship and seem open to reconnecting, but when they've had the chance to think about it, they may remember all the reasons why it's unlikely to work. I think the best thing to do in such a situation is to respect the person's apparent preference not to talk to you.

Edited April 23, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quoted post

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, Bantosm said:

She didn't want to interact? Then she wouldn't have accepted me on to her social media, period. She definitely wouldn't have reposted the same photo from when we first met and then suddenly delete it. She's afraid of getting hurt. This goes back a couple years, she had it her mind that I was going to cheat on her.

She has obviously changed her mind about contuing to interact with you. 

On 4/21/2023 at 4:06 AM, Bantosm said:

Have you ever contacted someone from your past who has denied a truth or is now ok with something they previously lamented against?

No, I have not. My exes stay in my past so I wouldn't have contacted them again. 

[Bantosm]

21 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Part of her may have initially started out wanting to talk to you, but the side of her that doesn't want to deal with you eventually won.

Go by her most recent actions, not her earliest actions. Remember: people are allowed to change their minds. Sometimes people are sentimental about an old relationship and seem open to reconnecting, but when they've had the chance to think about it, they may remember all the reasons why it's unlikely to work. I think the best thing to do in such a situation is to respect the person's apparent preference not to talk to you.

She didn't change her mind; she caved to fear and denial. That's her right. I gave it a fair try with no excuses, and now that page has turned.

[Bantosm]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, I have not. My exes stay in my past so I wouldn't have contacted them again. 

I didn't specify exes. 

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, Bantosm said:

I didn't specify exes. 

So? 

You are speaking about an ex of some sort in this thread. So I am specifying. But to clarify in more general terms before you ask, I have not reached out to anyone in my past and wound up in a situation like yours.

I move forward in life, not backward.