Remembering My Boss and Coping with Grief

[Alpacalia]

I just returned from my boss' memorial service. The last few months of his life were extremely difficult for him due to Lewy Body Dementia.  It is the second most common form of dementia after Alzheimer's disease. 

The memorial service for my boss was difficult and emotional. As they mentioned me and my boss' working relationship during the eulogy, my throat tightened and I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. I felt like I had to get up and leave during the service to catch my breath. 

Then I thought about my parents. The thought of losing my parents in the future was overwhelming, and I knew I would have to find a way to cope with my grief when the time comes.

Is it normal to feel this level of anxiety? What has been helpful? 

I know he was my boss and not a close relative but I considered him a mentor and friend. He was such an incredible person. He taught others patience, kindness, gratitude, he rarely (if ever) was in a bad mood which was remarkable considering how challenging the disease is.

As I watched my boss suffer in the last few months of his life, I was reminded of how difficult it was for him. I was so grateful to have met him and share this moment of grief with my colleagues and his family and closest friends. I will always remember his kindness and dedication to his work. I will miss him.

[FMW]

We all have our own responses to loss and grief.  As long as yours isn't making it difficult for you to function, I wouldn't worry about what's supposed to be normal.  As in all things, experience teaches us how to cope with loss.  It takes a while to process things and truly accept the circle of life.  

At the age of 58 I've experienced the loss of a parent, many other family members and a few close friends.  I think it's normal to be knocked off-kilter while trying to make sense of it all.  One of my grandmother's suffering for the last 10 years of her life taught me there really are things worth than death. But on a more positive note, the overall result of experience for me is that we need to appreciate and make the most of our relationships right now.  

I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope you find comfort in knowing you were important to him and helped him during a difficult time.  

[Alpacalia]

Thank you, FMW.

Yes. That is a very wise perspective. I'm sorry too for your losses. It is so important to take the time to appreciate the relationships we have in our lives while we can. Losing a loved one is never easy, but it can help to find the silver linings in the situation like you say.

As soon as I felt anxious, I wanted to run from church. I fought the sensations and stayed put. It was challenging, but I'm glad I did. In the eulogy, I wasn't expecting his daughter to mention me, and I guess it brought home to me how much he looked forward to working on projects and that I was able to normalize that part of his life.

I was also disheartened that my brother did not attend the memorial service (he said he would). I had secured employment for him with my former employer, yet he passed the day in slumber, rather than honoring the deceased and didn't even mention to me that he wouldn't be going. The manner in which it was handled was unconscionable and disrespectful. I was disappointed that he had not taken advantage of the opportunity I had provided him. I vowed to not give him another chance. Or. Maybe I am being too hard on him and I just let it go. 

 

Edited April 23, 2023 by Alpacalia