elle_w_intention Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 (edited) Ex-partner feels guilt for cheating in a relationship with a partner that already dwindled (even before we met). I was the "other person" that ex cheated with. Ultimately ex broke up with me and blocked me. But ex still feels immense guilt and shame about what he did to his partner and what he did to me. Ex doesn't regret our relationship and still cares about me. I still care about him but is there anything I can do to help his with dealing with his guilt? Edited April 23, 2023 by elle_w_intention Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 30 minutes ago, elle_w_intention said: is there anything I can do to help his with dealing with his guilt? It's not your job to deal with his guilt. He needs to work that out by himself and through therapy. The best thing you can do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Try not to sustain a toxic connection by transforming it from an affair to a quasi therapy situation. Free yourself from this and focus on your own situation and your own feelings. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 It's actually healthy that he feels guilt for what he has done to his partner. It was wrong and unkind. His guilt will push him to not do it again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 Yes, nothing. Let him go on his own journey towards healing. What you can do for him? Continue your own life journey and not focus on him as if he's your 8-year-old son. You're way too focused on him. A friend of mine would say, given all his guilt, OMG, he's got so much growth he can based on that. But HE has to do it. Your path--focus on your own life! Focusing on him is escaping things. Get into your own life! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 17 hours ago, elle_w_intention said: is there anything I can do to help his with dealing with his guilt? That's not for you to worry about. Only he can help himself come to terms with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 On 4/23/2023 at 5:57 PM, elle_w_intention said: is there anything I can do to help his with dealing with his guilt? Can I ask why you would want to? Are you hoping that if he resolves his guilt, he will come back to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Can I ask why you would want to? My thoughts too. He got into a nasty situation with his partner, tried to solve it through the escape of an affair, didn't feel right, left the affair and moved on. His feelings shouldn't be your concern. If you want to help him nevertheless, acknowledge that what he did wan't right and speak forgiveness for the part where he hurt you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elle_w_intention Posted April 27, 2023 Author Share Posted April 27, 2023 17 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Can I ask why you would want to? Are you hoping that if he resolves his guilt, he will come back to you? Ill be honest, part of it is that. But mostly, I still care about him and his mental well-being. But yea, I think I understand where you are coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 3 hours ago, elle_w_intention said: Ill be honest, part of it is that. But mostly, I still care about him and his mental well-being. But yea, I think I understand where you are coming from. You need to let him go. Maybe he is being serious that the guilt is too much for him, but there is nothing you can or should do about it. That's on him and you need to not involve yourself there. Or maybe he's using guilt as an excuse to end it with you because he's got someone else lined up already and doesn't want you to know. Either way? Not your circus, not your monkeys. It was an affair that didn't survive the transition into the "real" world. Foucs on healing and moving on instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 On 4/23/2023 at 11:57 AM, elle_w_intention said: Ultimately ex broke up with me and blocked me. If he blocked you, unfortunately it means he wants no further contact . Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 The best thing you can do for him and his mental well being is to move on and stay away from his life going forward. It's not your fault that he chose to cheat, but you represent a significant part of a disastrous failure in his life. His guilt is appropriate. And he wants nothing to do with you now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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