Having a man who is crazy about you

[Alpacalia]

22 hours ago, hotpotato said:

If I don't deal with men who try to have sex with me quickly, that's about 99% gone right off the bat. 

That's okay. It's quality not quantity.

At some point we need to rethink what WE'RE doing as individuals.

We are direct reflections of who we date, aren't we?

A number of men in some shape or form fantasize about having sex with you. Fortunately, most men are able to manage these thoughts and feelings.

[hotpotato]

On 5/31/2023 at 11:31 AM, Alpacalia said:

That's okay. It's quality not quantity.

At some point we need to rethink what WE'RE doing as individuals.

We are direct reflections of who we date, aren't we?

A number of men in some shape or form fantasize about having sex with you. Fortunately, most men are able to manage these thoughts and feelings.

I'm definitely not a direct reflection of the men I've gone on dates nor some of the men I dated. I don't so anything to make them act that way. In fact, I'd say some of the men I met were sexually predatory. I'm honestly not sure what people think I do on dates. One of my exes actually asked if I was a Virginia on our first date. 

[Wiseman2]

39 minutes ago, hotpotato said:

 some of the men I met were sexually predatory. One of my exes actually asked if I was a Virginia on our first date. 

Try to make a very firm list of red flags and deal breakers and stick to it, so as soon as you notice them you can cut your losses much sooner.

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, hotpotato said:

I don't so anything to make them act that way.

But if you’re only willing to date men that are really into you before knowing you, then you know their interest is purely sexual / physical. So while you’re not doing anything to encourage, it, you selecting men to date based on them being really into you before knowing you is enough for you to get an outsized proportion of sexually aggressive men. 

[hotpotato]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

But if you’re only willing to date men that are really into you before knowing you, then you know their interest is purely sexual / physical. So while you’re not doing anything to encourage, it, you selecting men to date based on them being really into you before knowing you is enough for you to get an outsized proportion of sexually aggressive men. 

Well, if they want to get to know me, they xan stick around. Most of them just they yo have sex with me really fast and disappear. Of course, to like me he will have to know something about me. One of my complaints about dating is that men often want sex upfront but are wishy washy about actually getting ti know me.  Men know who they want to date, and they pretty quickly. I expect a man to at least spend a little time with me. I don't expect a man to be madly in love with me after 2 minutes of knowing me. That being said, sometimes you meet someone and just know you will date them. Maybe not everyone has that experience.

 

I have been told that I'm not girly, not very talkative, and my charms are more subtle. Sometimes people think someone is smart or high energy because they talk a lot. I know women who are just chatterboxes. They never stops. Im more into reading and writing and my hobbies.

[glows]

I used to have the same problem when younger but don’t necessarily care for sex as much now. This means that that that population of the opposite sex is usually ignored and get no attention. I’m not bothered nor do I care. 

There’s no way to control how new people approach you and you mentioned not having the energy nor interest to steer sex-focused relationships or connections into a less sexually charged connection so just temper it and vary up your social events and friendships in general. None of this is anything new or unique. People (both men and women) have been dealing with it since the beginning of time - overeager potential dates or dating candidates overly interested in sex.

Edited June 10, 2023 by glows

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, hotpotato said:

One of my exes actually asked if I was a Virginia on our first date. 

Did you feel that asking such a personal question on a first date was not an appropriate way to start getting to know someone? It’s not the stuff people just generally share.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, hotpotato said:

I have been told that I'm not girly, not very talkative, and my charms are more subtle. Sometimes people think someone is smart or high energy because they talk a lot. I know women who are just chatterboxes. They never stops. Im more into reading and writing and my hobbies.

It is possible that you are attracted to men who are more outward-focused or sexually open, so they may not seem as interested in you right away (compared with someone who is more introverted and likes to read and write). If you want men to know your true talents, you may need to learn how to express yourself effectively and emphasize your charms. Find a way to express your values and interests creatively, perhaps through your activities, so that men you date can see the real you.

I think you might be missing out on some of the subtler aspects of attraction and connection. Maybe your signals are attracting the wrong kind of man-ones who are mostly looking for sex? Try to reflect on what kind of signals you might be sending out and adjust them if necessary so that you attract potential partners who are looking for something deeper and more meaningful.

With that said, you're still (I am sure) going to meet your fair share of sexually forward men. Men like sex. But what you can try to do is filter out those  looking just for that. Check out if a guy is interested in your conversations, your thoughts, your hobbies before you make a move. That will be a clear sign that he is interested in getting to know you more and likely looking for something else.

[hotpotato]

17 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Did you feel that asking such a personal question on a first date was not an appropriate way to start getting to know someone? It’s not the stuff people just generally share.

We were bowling, and I guess he got those vibes from me. I haven't dated as much as most people, and I think that's what he was feeling. 

16 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

It is possible that you are attracted to men who are more outward-focused or sexually open, so they may not seem as interested in you right away (compared with someone who is more introverted and likes to read and write). If you want men to know your true talents, you may need to learn how to express yourself effectively and emphasize your charms. Find a way to express your values and interests creatively, perhaps through your activities, so that men you date can see the real you.

I think you might be missing out on some of the subtler aspects of attraction and connection. Maybe your signals are attracting the wrong kind of man-ones who are mostly looking for sex? Try to reflect on what kind of signals you might be sending out and adjust them if necessary so that you attract potential partners who are looking for something deeper and more meaningful.

With that said, you're still (I am sure) going to meet your fair share of sexually forward men. Men like sex. But what you can try to do is filter out those  looking just for that. Check out if a guy is interested in your conversations, your thoughts, your hobbies before you make a move. That will be a clear sign that he is interested in getting to know you more and likely looking for something else.

No, because one guy I wanted to date was celibate. Some of these cone to me and not to them. Things have to be mutual. I can't just point at a guy and magically we date. I doubt I'll ever date an introverted man due to logistics. We would most likely never talk to each other in the first place. 

Most of my dates have been online with a few cold approaches, so they're not really going my cues. Sometimes men let their fantasies get the best of them (I've been stalked several times). I dont know what people think I'm doing on dates. I feel more like they weren't into me, tried to get sex so the night wasn't a total loss to them, and then bounced. 

I honestly wouldn't know what to do with a relationship if I found myself in one. I have a life built around being single.

The last paragraph is what I meant by having a man who is into me. I need to see that he is interested in me as a person, otherwise I'll be treated like a side piece or a human sock.