KateLester Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 I've recently become close with one of my male colleagues. We have a lot in common and make each other laugh constantly. Borderline best pals. We recently went to a conference and he wouldn't leave my side the entire time and I was convinced that he fancied me. He was finding little ways to touch me (random fist bumps, playfully kicking my bum, messing up my hair). But that couldn't be it because he is married...and not happily as he has made subtle comments of how unhappy he is in his marriage. We've started texting more recently and he has started making inappropriate jokes (I.e. making jokes that he needs a penis reduction because of his bad back, making masterbation jokes. That sort of thing) calling me inappropriate names (although he says they are terms of endearment). I've got a wicked sense of humour so that stuff doesn't bother me nor does it make me feel uncomfortable (I grew up with brothers) but I'm confused to whether he is treating me like one of the guys or if he actually does fancy me. If it sounds like the latter I'm thinking I should set some boundaries...although I do fancy him and like the attention, but know that nothing could ever happen because he is married! Anyway thoughts and advice are most welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 1 hour ago, KateLester said: he is married...and not happily as he has made subtle comments of how unhappy he is in his marriage. We've started texting more recently and he has started making inappropriate jokes . Are you in a relationship? Unfortunately there's nowhere for this to go but headaches and heartaches. At some level you know this. This is the classic ladies man whose "wife doesn't understand him". Hopefully you're not falling for this. Instead of spending time on sexting and flirting with a married man, invest your time and energy into finding available decent single men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KateLester Posted April 26, 2023 Author Share Posted April 26, 2023 I am definitely not flirting with him or sexting. Not my style. When he does his way of"flirting" I roll my eyes and tell him he's gross. I think I just needed confirmation that he indeed is not treating me like one of the guys and is trying to see if I'd have an affair. Which I absolutely will not. Thanks for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 I too, am not offended by crass humour. But times have changed and his inappropriate jokes are not remotely acceptable in the modern workplace. (And back in the day, they were probably only acceptable to those of us who are bulletproof!) What does it say about him that he's completely dismissing modern workplace behavioural expectations? If person wants to cheat, being married doesn't stop them. Of course he could be trying to seduce you (in a horribly clumsy way) The guy sounds like a creep. Put him in his place. If he does it again after you do that, report him to HR. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 1 hour ago, KateLester said: . I think I just needed confirmation that he indeed is not treating me like one of the guys and is trying to see if I'd have an affair. Which I absolutely will not. Thanks for your response! Agree it's sexual harassment you could report. He's not your "friend", he's just acting sleazy. Please be professional at work and stop texting this man outside of work about masturbating, etc. Shut this down asap. Keep in mind, his wife can see your texts and he could show them to your supervisors, or anyone else. Don't risk your job or reputation to entertain a disrespectful workplace wolf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 It very much sounds like he's seeing if you will have an affair. You know that's a bad idea and you're not doing that...... so you shouldn't let this continue. His behavior is completely inappropriate not to mention immature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 3 hours ago, KateLester said: We've started texting more recently and he has started making inappropriate jokes (I.e. making jokes that he needs a penis reduction because of his bad back, making masterbation jokes. That sort of thing) calling me inappropriate names (although he says they are terms of endearment). I Why are you texting with a married man? He is grooming you for an affair with all the sex talk and trying to make you think he's unhappy in his marriage. Nothing new here. It would benefit you to stop what you're doing and stay professional because you don't want to end up hurt and ruin your reputatioin through gossip and embarrassment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 Yep, definitely trying to groom you into an affair. Dial back on the texting and try not to let him touch you. Put some distance between you until he gets the message. He honestly sounds like a total sleaze. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 The guy is obviously a sleazebag, and I do agree that what he's doing is sexual harassment - but what are you doing? I can't understand why you are participating in this. Stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 27, 2023 Share Posted April 27, 2023 19 hours ago, KateLester said: I am definitely not flirting with him or sexting. Not my style. When he does his way of"flirting" I roll my eyes and tell him he's gross. I think I just needed confirmation that he indeed is not treating me like one of the guys and is trying to see if I'd have an affair. Which I absolutely will not. You admit below you fancy this man. It seems like you are interested to get in an affair. Otherwise you wouldn't spend time texting a married man who is talking about his penis and masturbation. 21 hours ago, KateLester said: although I do fancy him and like the attention, but know that nothing could ever happen because he is married! Yes something could happen even though he's married. However it would just be cheap sex and heart break for you. Raise the bar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted May 22, 2023 Share Posted May 22, 2023 Just because he is married and it appears even Unhappy--------Doesn't mean he can't flirt and make inappropriate movements in tongue and body. Which you are definitely experiencing with him. I would stop enabling him and back off. He is probably looking to hook up and knowing many guys like him who are in a relationship rut or just plain cheaters, You are not the first nor the last girl he will be hitting on. Be civil but not too friendly. He will just keep it up if he thinks he has you under his spell.🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 Report this dude to HR immediately. It's sexual harassment. Touching you is completely inappropriate Also tell him flat out that his behavior will not be tolerated. I would not engage with him on any level and give off body language you want nothing to do with him. Who cares if he is unhappy at home, that's not your problem! The longer you humor him the worse it will get. Erect strong boundaries and don't lower your value by giving off signs you like him in any way! He's a sleaze bag!! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 Any update since April? Id be more inclined to think he’s taking out his frustrations on you by being disrespectful. People who are serious about you or want something long term don’t act like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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